Falling in love is one of the best things that happens throughout someone’s life. Love is one of the main drivers for people. It keeps you going even in the hardest of times, and it can bring you an immense amount of joy. People, especially when they are young, fall hard and fall fast. But, just as fast as you fall in love, you can fall out of love. What happens when that love gets away from you, forcing you to get over an ex?
Breakups are one of the hardest things a person will have to get over in their life. They can make you feel like you’ve lost everything that mattered in your life. Sometimes they are mutual. But a lot of times, someone gets dumped. They have to deal with the fact that they still have feelings for someone gone.
And the worst part about getting over an ex is that no one teaches you how to do it. You have to struggle with all that grief by yourself. But just because your parents don’t teach you doesn’t mean you can’t do your research and pick up some tricks. If you can’t get over an ex and you feel like you need help, here are seven proven ways to get over an ex.
1. Get Off Social Media To Help Get Over An Ex
In this day and age, people spend hours and hours on social media. And they don’t just scroll through Instagram when they are bored. At this point, social media is an integral part of everyone’s lives, especially for young people. It’s almost like people live through these platforms sometimes. And people use them to keep in touch with friends and family. As long as you are on social media, it’s pretty hard to keep your distance from your ex.
One of the best things you can do when going through a breakup is to get off social media for a while. Because all your friends post there, sometimes even daily, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. You see everyone happy having fun, which can make you feel even worse about yourself. Or, the worst thing you could do, is to stalk your ex on social media, which can be tempting.
If you keep tabs on your ex every day, you won’t ever be able to let go of them. You will constantly think of them, and your feelings won’t heal as they should. Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist, and relationship coach, even recommend unfriending them, at least until you are over them.
2. Get Rid Of Reminders
People are very sentimental and can get attached to objects that remind them of others. A meal might remind you of your mother’s cooking, and a book might make you think of your sister. And, when you are in a relationship, you are bound to correlate some objects with memories. And you are bound to get emotionally attached to those objects.
If you keep reminders of your ex after your breakup, that’s only going to remind you of what you’ve lost. It will only make you reminisce about the good parts of your relationship. These reminders trigger strong emotions and make you feel even worse about the whole situation. They can even make you obsessive.
If you want to forget about everything and heal, ensure there are no reminders of your ex lying around. Without these reminders, you will be able to focus on yourself, and you won’t get overwhelmed by all those unmanageable emotions.
3. Don’t Contact Them
Even if you aren’t as in love with your ex as you once were, you still have a past together. You have a routine, and losing that routine can be just as hurtful as losing the person you loved. But if you still have feelings for them, it can be even more challenging to let go of what you had. Most people going through breakups have a hard time accepting their new reality. It’s hard to adapt to a new normal.
So, you might be very tempted to contact them to get some of that routine back. Or you might contact them even in hopes that you’ll convince them to take you back. But it would help if you always tried to accept the breakup from the beginning, as it will be better for your mental health.
If you want to accept your new reality, you mustn’t contact them, no matter how badly you want to. Delete the number, unfriend them on social media, avoid them at all costs. Not seeing them will allow you to let go of those feelings you still have for them.
If you try to contact them obsessively, your attention will be towards trying to win them back. This false hope won’t help you heal. Not connecting with them will force you to get used to your new reality and focus on yourself and your feelings.
4. Get Support From Friends And Family
When you go through a breakup, you tend to feel lonely. Chances are, your ex was the person you were spending most of your time with before your split. So, after they leave you, you might feel the need to be around people. Even if you don’t feel that need and think you want to be alone, people can still help you.
Friends and family can be your support system and help you manage your emotions. It’s hard to get yourself out of your head on your own. If you feel like your ex is all you can think about, it can be good to talk about other things to distract you. Or your friends can even give you advice if you feel like you’re ready to talk about what you’re going through.
Because they aren’t directly involved in the relationship, they can have a more objective perspective of the situation. Thus, they can give you better advice than you could ever give yourself. Being with people in times like these is more important than you might realize.
5. Go Out With Friends When You Need To Get Over An Ex
As mentioned previously, people going through a breakup might isolate themselves. To combat this loneliness and regain self-concept after a breakup, researchers recommend going out. People in relationships tend to lose their independence and ability to do whatever they want without asking for approval.
When you are with someone, you do things you both want to do. You go out together. But that means you might be missing out on some things that you could only enjoy while single. Accepting social invitations can help you regain that part f yourself you might have lost, which will help you get over your ex.
When you’re heartbroken, the idea of going to a party might seem silly. But it’s a great distraction that allows you to have fun without repercussions. And you get to meet new people or hang out with old friends. Grace Larson, a researcher at Northwestern University, says that this trick is backed by science. Something as simple as being around people can help you feel like yourself again.
6. Focus On Your Goals
One of the main reasons why breakups are tough to deal with is because they make you feel out of control. This is especially true if the separation was unilateral (basically, if you were dumped). You have to deal with this new reality that you might not have even wanted. You feel like you don’t control your life’s direction, and you don’t know what the future holds.
To counterbalance these feelings, you need to focus on what you can control. And your goals are a great starting point. Throw yourself into your work, your studies, or your hobbies. Do whatever it is you desire most. Work towards getting a promotion if that’s what you want. Start a new hobby. Do practical things that also have precise results you can strive towards.