How do you feel about your relationship? Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel like you can wake up to a brighter, better day? If so, then this probably doesn’t apply to you. However, if you can’t say the same about your relationship, then it may be that your relationship has a few issues that could be worked on. It may also be a sign that your relationship is toxic, and it isn’t good for you.
A toxic relationship is “like taking a shot of battery acid every day: The drink itself burns, but the single dose isn’t enough to kill you—it’s only after weeks or months of this poisonous diet that you realize you’ve destroyed your stomach lining and your faith in love,” according to Glamour.com.
You could be in a relationship that is sucking the life out of you without even knowing it. If you find that you are more anxious, depressed and tired than you used to before you got in your relationship, it might be a sign that your relationship isn’t working. Take a look at these signs that your relationship is sucking the life out of you.
7 Signs Your Relationship Is Draining You
1. They’re hostile
Is your partner angry a lot? Do they seem hostile all of the time? If your partner seems to always be on the edge of becoming furious, and it feels like you’re walking on eggshells to make sure that you don’t upset them, then it might just be a toxic relationship that is sucking the life out of you.
Life coach Kali Rogers says, “If you feel like sharing your own feelings or relying on your partner emotionally will rock the boat, chances are you feel emotionally drained. If you feel like relying on them in the slightest bit will cause an implosion, it’s best to reevaluate the stability of your relationship.”
Remember, living with a lot of anger and tension can cause a lot of anxiety and depression, which can suck the life out of you and make you feel worse and worse.
2. They put you down
Your relationships are supposed to make you feel good. Your partner should be supporting you, and when that doesn’t happen, it can turn into your partner putting you down for things that you like, or for your appearance, or for your intelligence. If your partner makes you feel worse about yourself and not better, then it can be a sign that your relationship is truly sucking the life out of you.
“Relationships are supposed to make you feel good. Relationships are not supposed to make you feel bad.” – Laura Bowers
3. They refuse to talk about problems
Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, and when communication breaks down it can cause a lot of problems. When problems arise in the relationship, it’s important to be able to talk them out. However, when your partner refuses to talk about those problems and work them out, it can be a sign that they don’t want to change or put any effort into the relationship. This can cause the relationship to feel like it’s sucking the life out of you.
Psychoanalyst Sue Kolod, PhD, says, “When it is not possible to discuss the issues in the relationship there’s a huge problem. One patient has told me that if she tries to talk about her expectations for the future with her boyfriend, he disappears for several days. This is a toxic pattern because it results in my patient feeling afraid to bring up concerns with her boyfriend.”
4. They fight dirty
There’s no way to avoid arguments in a relationship. Every once in a while, every relationship will experience a disagreement or an argument. However, most arguments can be resolved without ‘fighting dirty’. This means that you can talk through the argument without name calling, or bringing up old arguments that have already been resolved. If your partner tends to always call you names, belittle you, or try to gaslight you with things that have happened in past arguments, then it will surely suck the life out of you.
Ken Page, LCSW, a psychotherapist and author says, “Every couple has what I call a ‘good conflict.’ Don’t run from that conflict. It’s supposed to be there. In fact, it’s your key to happiness as a couple—if you both can name it and commit to working on it together as a couple. If you approach your ‘good conflicts’ with bitterness, blame, and contempt, your relationship will turn toxic.”
5. You don’t act like yourself
Did you used to be outgoing, happy and likeable? Has your personality changed somewhat? Are you more withdrawn, anxious, depressed and unhappy? It might have to do with the relationship that’s sucking the life out of you. When you no longer act like yourself because of a relationship, it’s a sign that the relationship itself isn’t good, and is toxic to you as a person. Your partner may also have subtly tried to change your personality and how you act, until you don’t even recognize yourself.
“If you’re starting to have thoughts like, ‘This is not like it used to be,’ ‘This is not what I signed up for,’ or ‘This doesn’t feel good anymore,’ it is possible that what was a good relationship has turned toxic,” says relationship expert Sofia Milan.
6. They guilt trip you
Everything you do is something that is inconvenient to your partner. They are good at making you feel guilty over staying out late, talking to your friends, standing your ground or trying to assert your boundaries. This is a red flag that your relationship is toxic and that it’s sucking the life out of you.
“Toxic relationships ruin your life as they most dangerous poison your self-concept, eroding your self-confidence like drops of rain wear away at a canyon wall,” says communication & relationship expert and author Susie Miller.
Your partner may also use this guilt trip power to remind you of all the nice things that they have ever done for you in order to guilt you into doing things for them.
7. Your hide your relationship
Your friends and family don’t like your partner, and it’s probably for a good reason. They don’t like the way that your partner treats you, and they don’t like the way you act when you are around them. Because of this, you may find that you hide your relationship and all of the upsetting details from your friends and family. If you can’t tell your family the truth about your relationship, it might just be toxic.
Relationships should make you feel good and happy. There’s no reason that your relationship should make you feel anxious or depressed, nor should it make you feel like you can’t tell your friends and family the truth. If you find that your relationship is hitting some or most of these signs, then it very well could be that the relationship is sucking the life out of you. Everyone deserves to have a relationship that makes them feel happy and fulfilled in life. Toxic relationships can be hard to spot if you’re in the middle of one, but once you recognize the signs, you can get out and find someone who treats you the way you deserve.