Therapists Reveal 14 Red Flags of a Doomed Relationship

Therapists Reveal 14 Red Flags of a Doomed Relationship

doomed relationshipLifestyle

You’ve seen it happen–what looks like a relationship made in heaven suddenly fizzles. You wonder what happened. How can you prevent this from happening to your relationship?  So, what are 15 red flags of a doomed relationship?

Love is healthy for you. According to one study, love activates parts of your brain that reduce your stress levels and gives you a sense of pleasure. That’s powerful. But sometimes a relationship goes wrong, turning into a toxic relationship. This process doesn’t happen overnight. Like a balloon slowly losing air, the bond deflates over time.

Here are 14 red flags that reveal a doomed relationship

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Here is advice on how to cope with your toxic love life.

1 – Loss of friendship

Many people dismiss the idea that you can be good friends with your partner. They assume that means there’s no romance. But you can maintain your passion and be good friends with your partner. In fact, these kinds of relationships last longer because of their deep friendship. Friendship involves respect, care, and loyalty. These qualities are beneficial to romantic relationships as much as they are to friendship. Often, the longer couple is together, the more their friendship and romance grows.

2 – No honest communication

Studies show for a relationship to be long-lasting, there must be honest communication. Shallowness reveals a lack of genuine desire to grow the relationship. Talking honestly about your feelings makes you vulnerable.

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If your partner isn’t willing to go deep, it could be a sign they’re not in the relationship for the long haul. There is the possibility your partner isn’t comfortable talking about their feelings. They may want to go deeper, but they don’t know where to start.

You can help by asking the right questions. Don’t try to ask all of them at once. Ask one or two questions at a time.  Don’t interrogate, have a desire to learn and listen. Here’s a list of 12 talking points to spur more in-depth conversations with your partner.

  • What part of our relationship makes you happy?
  • What’s your biggest fear related to our relationship?
  • What does love mean to you?
  • What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Why?
  • What’s your favorite memory of our relationship so far? Why?
  • What’s one thing you want to ask me, but are scared to ask? (I promise not to get angry)
  • What do you think is a strength in our relationship? A weakness?
  • If you could change our relationship in one way, what would that be?
  • What bad thing has happened to you that has turned into a positive blessing?
  • If you had a billion dollars, what would you do with it?
  • What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you? Why?
  • What’s the best thing that’s happened to you? Why?

3 – Secretive emails, phone calls or text

Keeping secrets is never a good sign in a relationship. Hidden conversations make you feel left out and not valued. It’s tempting to think your partner is cheating on you. Being secretive hurts your relationship’s trust and sense of protection.

If your partner is sending or receiving secretive texts or emails, ask them if you can talk to them. In an inquiring, calm way, ask them about the secrets. If they say it’s not a big deal or accuse you of stalking them, they’re not taking you or your relationship seriously. Secrets divide, they don’t promote faithfulness.

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4 – Make decisions without talking to your input

If your partner makes a big decision without talking to you first, this is a sign of a doomed relationship. Decisions like large money purchases, or a vacation, buying or selling a house, or where to spend the holidays are significant.  Big decisions should be discussed between a couple because they affect both people.

Independent decisions like these are often a subtle way of saying they’re disinterested. If your partner is doing this, ask them why. Don’t accuse, but calmly tell them what they’re doing is hurtful and confusing. If they defend their right to be independent, you may want to rethink for you to reconsider the relationship.

5 – Loss of respect

Respect is a foundational part of any relationship. Respect means to admire or esteem. If you respect someone, you consider their feelings, rights, and wishes. Respecting one another builds trust and loyalty in your relationship. Toxic relationships lack respect. A partner who doesn’t respect you will try to control you. Don’t stay in a relationship that lacks mutual respect. It’s headed for disaster, and you will eventually get hurt.

6 – Sarcasm and toxic humor

Having a good sense of humor is vital in a relationship, but toxic jokes at the expense of your partner do harm. Sarcasm about your partner’s looks, abilities, or feelings causes deep wounds. This kind of humor is toxic to a relationship. It tears and destroys. Some people bring this type of sarcasm into a relationship because they’ve never seen a relationship built on mutual trust and love.

If you’re doing this, it may be helpful to seek professional counseling to help you heal from your hurts and learn how to relate in a healthy way to your partner. If your partner is using sarcasm or toxic humor against you, you may need to draw a line.

Never stay in a relationship where you are belittled, mocked, or made fun of. This feeling isn’t healthy. Your partner may apologize or say they were just kidding, but this is weak. Toxic humor is never a joke.

7 – Anger or manipulation

Another component of a toxic relationship is anger and manipulation. Anger tears down relationships. It’s a profoundly destructive way to relate, leaving fear and mistrust in its wake.

Manipulation is forcing someone to do what you want without them realizing your real motive. It’s deceitful and just a desire to have power. Manipulation is sometimes seen in the way a man relates to women. But women aren’t exempt.

They may manipulate with pouting or being overly sensual. It’s still an attempt to get what you want using different methods. It’s immature, and a shallow way to treat your partner. Both anger and manipulation are big red flags of a doomed, unhealthy relationship.

8 – Differing values

Many relationships start excellent, but as time goes on, differing values get in the way of the relationship. Things like family, religion, self-discipline, i.e., exercise and eating, self-improvement in career or education, money, and children are significant values you bring into your relationship.

When you get past the early stages, you may find yourself on different pages when it comes to family or going to church or career choices. Your values are part of who you are. If your partner doesn’t value what you value, it may work out.

Instead of being a couple, you will be two independent people living together. If you and our partner lack common values, this could be a red flag that your relationship won’t last.

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9 – Not resolving conflicts

Minimizing conflicts, or pretending like everything is okay, isn’t healthy in a relationship. Over time, things will start to decay and erode your affection towards one another. All couples have conflicts. It’s a normal part of being in a relationship.

What’s important is how you solve your conflicts. Learn how to have a fair fight. Fair fights have boundaries. These boundaries include

  • Stay calm, don’t erupt into anger.
  • Don’t use the word “always.” No one “always” does anything…
  • Never threaten to leave or move out.
  • Don’t change topics, stick on a theme for each conflict even if you think another issue relates.
  • Never name call or belittle the other person.
  • Listen, don’t interrupt even if you don’t like what they’re saying.
  • Repeat back what you thought they said, “I think I heard you say…” If you aren’t getting it right, have them explain again what they meant.
  • Say you’re sorry, then ask them to forgive you.
  • Find common ground where you agree.
  • Pick what’s worth arguing about and what isn’t. Putting someone’s dirty dishes in the dishwasher may not be worth having a significant conflict over.

If everything you discuss turns into a big conflict, this is a red flag that you’re in a domed, toxic relationship.

10 – Not willing to sacrifice

Being in a relationship involves self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice isn’t a dirty word. It’s defined as giving up one’s self-interest to help others. It means you care for someone else besides your self. It could be demonstrated by you giving up your favorite television show to help your partner with paint the livingroom.

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