If anyone has told you that you look angry or distant, it could be a sign that you’re not approachable. You might also notice that people approach others but not you, but you can change that. You can find a way to be more approachable and friendly in all situations.

Being more approachable comes in handy during social situations, dates, and networking opportunities. It can help you make new friends, find a partner, or land a job. However, looking approachable is often hard for some of us.

Some of the things that make someone more approachable include:

  • friendliness
  • kindness
  • confidence
  • handling their emotions
  • positivity

If you worry that you don’t look approachable, learning how to make a change will help. You’ll feel better in public and when interacting with others. Even if you feel nervous or shy, these methods can help you appear calm and friendly.

How to Be More Approachable, According to Counselors


You can gradually shift your demeanor if you want to be more approachable. Some of the methods include:

1 – Practice positive body language to appear approachable

One of the best ways to be more approachable is by having open body language. If you look closed off, people will want to leave you alone.

Signs of being closed off include:

  • crossing your arms
  • turning away
  • crossing your legs
  • tilting your head back or down

Rather than sending a message that you want to be left alone, try practicing positive body language. Keep your arms at your sides while leaving space between your legs when standing. It implies you’re comfortable and open to conversation.

Additionally, stay upright, maintaining a straight back. You can keep your arms uncrossed and face forward without tilting your head. Keeping your head up is helpful because it allows other people to read you rather than closing you off from those around you. 2 – Act how you do when you’re relaxed

Think about how you behave when you feel relaxed and incorporate it when you’re around others. Relax as if you were alone or with close friends in a safe space. Being calm will make you appear authentic and attractive.

You can imagine that the people around you are old friends as a reminder to be casual. Avoid fidgeting because it shows that you’re nervous. Some of the signs that make others think you don’t want to socialize include:

  • biting your nails
  • nervously twirling your hair
  • constantly tapping
  • touching your face

Be aware of your behaviors in social settings so that someone doesn’t think you don’t want to talk. Place your hands on the table or hold something that reduces your urge to fidget.

3 – Practice mirroring

While you should be yourself, you can seem more approachable if you mirror others. It makes them more comfortable talking to you because it shows you can get along. Think about how you subconsciously begin to copy gestures your friend uses or say phrases they say. It makes you feel connected and shows how well you get along.

Mirroring behaviors in other situations can make people want to talk to and get to know you. Don’t overdo it, or it’ll seem weird but try to match their intensity.

4 – Angle your body towards others

If you want to interact with others, angle your body towards them. Avoid looking directly at them, but focus in their general direction. By looking toward them, you’ll notice if they look at you so that you can make eye contact at that point.

Angling your body toward someone and looking in that general direction shows you’re open to being involved. It’s a welcoming behavior that lets others know they can approach you.

5 – Go out in smaller groups to make yourself more approachable

Going out in large groups can intimidate others and make them afraid to approach you. When others are around, people fear rejection and don’t want others to witness it. People are more likely to talk to you if you are alone or with a small group of one or two other friends.

6 – Focus on having a friendly facial expression

A friendly facial expression is essential for being more approachable. Use the following tips to have a positive facial expression:

  • avoid frowning
  • make eye contact
  • be expressive
  • relax your face, keeping your jaw slightly open
  • keep a smile on the corner of your mouth
  • relax your eyebrows

7 – Make eye contact and smile to look friendly

Making eye contact and smiling shows others you’re open to talking with them. Don’t stare but hold eye contact for a few seconds, blinking occasionally. It makes it less scary for someone to approach you.

As you smile, make sure it reaches your eyes, or it’ll look insincere. Smiling with your eyes involves getting a slight wrinkle at the corner of your eyes and eases a stern face.


8 – Don’t hide or separate yourself

It’s easy to separate yourself from others if you feel uncomfortable or insecure. You’ll try to take up less space and hide to avoid awkwardness. However, this behavior makes you much less approachable.

Rather than hiding and trying to go unseen, put yourself out there. Walk around an area, checking out the environment without waiting to the side. You can also give your opinion, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Covering your eyes with big sunglasses or your body with oversized clothing can also make you look unapproachable. People might not approach someone if they can’t see their eyes, facial expressions, or body language.

The more often you do these things, the easier it’ll become. While you might feel uncomfortable, it’ll make you more approachable. You’ll quickly see a positive change, showing your discomfort pays off.

9 – Avoid constantly looking at your phone

Staring at your phone or checking it frequently can make you feel like you want to be left alone. While the phone is often a comfort device used when you feel uncomfortable, it prevents you from meeting others. Avoid checking your phone if you want people to approach you.

10 – Stay positive and friendly in your interactions

If you say something positive, it shows you’re open to communicating with those around you. You don’t have to say anything clever but stay positive no matter what you say. Praise the view, a pleasant scent, or how nice something is.

Don’t complain or discuss negative experiences the first time you meet someone. Save those discussions for people you already know well. Positivity makes you stand out, appearing friendly and approachable.

11 – Watch your tone to sound approachable

Your tone can play a role in your approachability. If you sound harsh, other people won’t want to approach you. Sometimes when you feel nervous, you’ll experience a tight throat and stern voice.

One way to alleviate this issue is by trying to relax during the conversation. You can also practice different tones when you’re alone to determine how to make yours sound friendly.

12 – Don’t pretend to be busy

If you’re alone in public, you might pretend you’re busy to avoid discomfort. Some people search in their purses, looking for something they know isn’t there. Others pretend to be in the middle of a phone call.

No matter how you pretend to be busy, it makes you less approachable. People will see that you’re in the middle of something and assume you don’t want to be bothered.

13 – Be friendly first

You don’t have to wait for someone to approach you first. Don’t worry about what they’ll think of you for being friendly because the person might be hoping for the interaction. When others see that you’re open to talking to others, they’ll be more likely to approach you.

Once you introduce yourself, ask personal questions to get the person to open up. Ask how they are, what they do, why they’re there, and other questions you’re curious to know. It shows that you’re a friendly person, open to interaction.

14 – Think about things that make you happy

When you think about things that make you happy, you’ll have an easier time staying relaxed and looking approachable. Think of your pet, a funny video you recently watched, or anything else that brings joy to your mind. It’ll make you look and feel friendly, giving you an advantage in social situations.

15 – Don’t pretend to be perfect; imperfection is more approachable

If you pretend to be perfect, you’ll seem unapproachable. People might be intimidated or worried they won’t live up to your expectations. Admitting to your faults and failures makes you relatable and makes people feel comfortable.

You can also show that you aren’t perfect by speaking up when you need help. Asking for help allows you to meet others and makes everyone feel good. Plus, it’ll encourage more people to approach you as they know you’re friendly and open.


Final Thoughts on Counselor Reveals Ways to Be More Approachable

If you want to be more approachable, try incorporating some of these methods. It might feel awkward, but you’ll get used to it and notice an improvement.

As you get more comfortable, you’ll find that the methods become a habit for you. It opens you up to more opportunities, friendships, experiences, or romances. Think about how you come across to others and adjust as necessary to show that you’re open to conversation.