Women have historically learned to seek validation from society, especially men, to have a fulfilled life. But this is the remains of thousands of years of misogynistic tradition that created a gender-based hierarchy. It makes sense that women don’t feel confident enough without the approval of others since it’s been a few decades since the enactment of equal rights, at least on paper.
But what’s on paper doesn’t always translate to real life. For example, just because women can legally hold positions of power doesn’t mean it always happens. And this is just one example of the things women cannot achieve as easily as men. Not to mention that men still describe women in somewhat demeaning adjectives, especially in the workplace.
There have been many instances where others considered women too emotional for managerial positions. It wouldn’t be hard to bet that you’ve never heard a man being called emotional, especially not in a demeaning way. Unfortunately, the environment is one in which women learn that they can’t be successful without a man.
Or that they can’t trust in their abilities unless someone else validates them. So, women seek everyone’s approval, from co-workers to partners, friends, and parents. Maybe this doesn’t seem like such a bad thing. After all, all people are hardwired to want the approval of those around them. But the difference is that women are taught to seek it.
They learn that they need it and that something’s wrong if they are not actively seeking it. It can even make women feel they must knock their dreams down a notch. So, what can you do to become a woman who doesn’t seek validation?
5 Ways to Become the Woman Who Doesn’t Seek Validation
1. Understand What Your Worth Is
Many women aren’t taught how to value their own worth. And that’s because society still holds on to the dated idea that women should be feminine, dainty, and pretty. Many young girls learn that their value only rests in their looks and nothing more. Young girls aren’t often called smart and encouraged to become scientists or anything like that.
They are called pretty and dressed up as princesses. So, if that’s the environment you grew up in, you’ll likely become a woman who doesn’t understand their worth. And you’re likely to feel good when you get validation from other people. What you need to understand is that your worth is not tied to your looks or anything else for that matter.
Everyone deserves a good life and to be loved without looking like a supermodel or a billionaire. So, your worth is tied to what you value and want to achieve, and no one has the right to tell you your values are wrong. If you want to create connections and be with people, then it’s enough to focus on being close to people.
If you want a successful career, you should focus on that. Your worth comes from chasing your dreams and being a good person. Ultimately, the only validation you need is your own.
2. Acknowledge Your Successes and Strengths
Many women are taught that they are egoistic and self-centered if they cheer themselves on. But being modest doesn’t mean you should never acknowledge when you are making progress and doing well for yourself. But it can even be that girls are taught they don’t have strengths or that their successes don’t matter. No matter what people tell you, you can succeed even if others don’t acknowledge it. And you don’t need approval from anyone.
As a woman, you might learn you only have strengths tied to your physical aspects, as discussed above. And, if you try to show your intellectual strengths, those might not be approved by others. Even if it’s nice to have people cheering you on, you are the one who knows yourself best. You are the only one who can decide what your strengths are.
And once you identify them, you can use them to your advantage. You can enhance them and use them to boost whatever area of your life you want, whether that’s work, social life, or anything else. And the best way to get validation is not through listening to what others are saying about you. Instead, it’s through seeing how you progress and become a better version of yourself as days pass.
3. Practice Self-Care and Focus on Yourself
Validation is something that you’d much rather have come from within. But, if you sit around waiting for other people to complement and support you, you might be waiting for a long time. And, especially as a woman, it’s best to focus on yourself and not let other people tear you down.
Because if you allow yourself to be influenced by other people, you’ll never be truly fulfilled. You might hear some words of approval, but they will always come accompanied by insults or people tearing you down in one way or another. So instead, become that woman who is focused on bettering herself.
Self-care isn’t just something people do for fun or because they are high-maintenance. It’s been proven that it has many psychological benefits. It’s something relaxing and rewarding. But, most importantly, taking that time to be alone and care for yourself also allows you time for introspection. It’s not just about putting on a face mask. It’s about being alone for a couple of hours and focusing entirely on yourself without distractions.
But that’s not the only thing you can do to focus on yourself. You can also work to achieve your dreams, start whatever hobbies attract you, and hang with the people who make you happy. Seeing how you progress and become better every day will mean more to you than someone’s words.
4. Learn How to Love Yourself Without the Validation of Others
Everyone struggles with loving and accepting themselves just the way they are. But this issue is more prominent when it comes to women. Again, this goes back to the way girls are raised and the fact that they are taught that their worth is tied to superficial aspects such as looks. But self-love is something that you can learn to incorporate into your life.
And it’s a way to achieve the validation you need instead of seeking the approval of others. One of the things you need to do is to stop comparing yourself to others. You are on your own path, and there’s nothing you owe anything to. If you are working on yourself and trying to be happy, that’s more than enough. Plus, you need to remember that you are allowed to make mistakes.
Even if other people might call you out on those mistakes, don’t listen to them. Those opinions don’t matter. Sure, it’s essential to listen to constructive criticism. But if people tear you down, that’s an opinion that you shouldn’t even listen to. Self-love is about putting yourself first and being kind to yourself even if you fail or stumble. Instead, you need to focus on growth and achieving your goals.
5. Practice Self-Confidence Instead of Seeking Validation
Some people are naturally more confident than others. But the environment is potentially the factor that influences your confidence the most. Parents often teach girls to be quiet and submissive. So, many of them grow up struggling to be confident. As a result, they are often quiet and try to blend in the background.
And the only time they get close to being confident is when they get external validation. Sure, this is not the case for all women. But the feeling of having to rely on others’ approval is something almost all women can relate to. And you can stop feeling the need to have external validation by becoming self-confident.
Self-confidence is about trusting your abilities to control your life even when things don’t seem to be going your way. It often stems from doing things that can help improve how you see yourself. You won’t be able to wake up one day and suddenly become confident. But, by taking the time to work on yourself, you’ll start being more and more self-assured.
But, besides practicing self-care, working out, eating better, and focusing on your goals, you also need to practice positive self-talk. When negative thoughts start creeping in, you need to reframe them. If you think that no one will listen to you in a meeting, you need to make an effort to be positive and talk yourself into speaking.
Even if you tell yourself that you’ll at least share your point of view, there’s nothing to lose. Besides that, you need to surround yourself with positive people. If someone doesn’t like you or tries to tear you down, those are people you don’t need in your life. But being around positive people will make you more confident, allowing you to stop seeing validation at all costs.
Final Thoughts on How to Become the Woman Who Doesn’t Seek Validation
Being a woman has never been easy. Though it has become easier to have freedom and follow your dreams, there are still a lot of societal expectations and pressures that can impede women from achieving their highest potential. And there are many areas where women are still not equal to men.
But that doesn’t mean your worth stems from validation from virtual strangers. Nor do you need to seek it. To become a woman who doesn’t seek validation, you need to understand what your worth is–it does not come from the approval you get. You also need to acknowledge your success and strengths and appreciate every little progress you make.
Besides that, you need to learn new behaviors that will teach you to focus on yourself. Practicing self-care and self-love are potentially the things that will help you become the best woman you can be. And, by being confident, you’ll make sure you don’t need anyone’s approval but the one you give yourself.