Both women and men have reported that a relationship isn’t always a bed of roses. Particularly if you don’t consider yourself to be a very romantic person. It can be difficult to know what your partner wants and expects when it comes to things like intimacy and emotional connection. Guessing can feel stressful, but asking her for instructions on how to be more romantic can kind of defeat the purpose a bit.

It is helpful to know, for starters, that while men and women possess the same range of emotions, they express them differently in many ways. So being thoughtful might mean something very different to men than it does to women.

NOTE: If you want to discover the behaviors men secretly desire, check out our separate article on the topic.

Here are 21 things women secretly want that can help create a better connection between you and her:

1. Have a conversation about something that matters to her.
Even if it’s not something that necessarily matters to you.

2. Share a romantic memory you have of her, for no special reason.
It will remind her of your history together while letting her know you are thinking of her in the present.

3. WRITE her a love note or letter.
The little bit of extra effort to make your words tangible can help your women feel loved.

4. Remember important couple dates.
Forgotten anniversaries and special occasions can lead to hurt feelings. Make a list if you have to.

5. Give her a special date at home.
Light some candles. Make dinner. Open a bottle of wine. You don’t have to go to a five star restaurant to make an evening exciting.

6. Offer to dance with her every once in a while.
Even if you are a terrible dancer, remember that slow dancing can be as simple as holding her and swaying.

7. Just be there when she is upset.
Sometimes women really just need a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold. That can do more than words.

8. Communicate with her randomly when you are thinking about her.
Even a text just to tell your hopeless romantic she was on your mind can be enough to stir up some butterflies.

9. Be the one to initiate a thoughtful discussion.
Don’t leave communication completely up to women. Put some effort into getting to know her, even if you have been together for a long time.

10. Support her ambitions, even if they are as hopelessly romantic as she is.
Believing in her dreams, even when they seem like a long shot, will help her feel confident. And that confidence may just surprise you.

11. Hide tokens of affection for her to find later.
Something as easy and simple as a note stuck in a planner can do wonders for the heart of a hopeless romantic.

12. Make the effort to plan an event.
Whether it is a date with a reservation or a whole planned surprise weekend, the planning shows effort.

13. Get away for some quality time, just the two of you.
Even if it just means a few hours in a room with no kids or work allowed. Women need undivided attention sometimes.

14. Be honest about how you are feeling when she asks you.
No one likes to play emotional guessing games. Not even women.

15. Amp up the affection.
Contact comfort and loving words are easy ways to help your hopeless romantic know how much you like being around her.

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16. Send or suggest music to her that is romantic or sensual.
Music has a unique effect on emotion. You can help stir up the right ones with a love song.

17. Make sure she knows you’re on her team.
Particularly when it comes to discussions with friends and family.

18. Have secrets between just the two of you.
Inside jokes. Secret handshakes. All that goofy stuff can make a relationship more romantic and fun.

19. Compliment her or brag about her in public.
It will let her know you are proud of her, and you want people to know.

20. Be sure to acknowledge more than just her physical beauty.
Of course she is beautiful. Just make sure she knows she’s so much more to you than just a gorgeous physique.

21. Go out of your way to discuss the future.
It will help her know you are invested. Even long term relationships need forward motion. A lack of direction can lead to boredom or apathy.

Final Thoughts on the Secrets Women Hold Close to Their Hearts

Having a hopeless romantic partner can mean putting in more effort, but it is worth it. The appreciation she will feel from your additional effort will do wonders for her romantic heart. It will let her know she is important to you and make her feel like she has trusted her romantic heart to someone who truly cares.