10 Things To Always Look For In A Relationship

10 Things To Always Look For In A Relationship

things to look for in a relationshipRelationships


“Picking the right person for the right reasons at the right time is an art form.” – Dr. Barton Goldsmith

Ever wondered why nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce? Relationship experts are all too quick to point out why married couples split – information that may or may not make a difference for someone seeking to avoid the “Big D.”


Something that’s far less discussed is the vetting process known as dating. The word “vetting” may sound callous when describing dating, but isn’t that REALLY what it is?

Sure, dating can be (and should be) a fun, non-committal, “this may or may not happen” type of thing; but for most people, a date is a potential partner.


It’s too easy to say, “you should wait for this, this, and this before committing yourself.” While such a statement may be well-intentioned, it’s pretty much worthless unless you provide some substance; in other words, why “this, this, and this” may be important attributes to look for in a partner.  Every person is different and looks for different things (really complicated, we know.)

We don’t pretend to be relationship experts – we are not. We don’t provide “one size fits all” advice – and we won’t do so here.

“An objective mindset” is not a particularly sexy or exciting thing to recommend for daters. (And, remember, it is only a recommendation.) BUT, when it comes to relationships, objectivity is underrated. Practicality is underrated. Cohesiveness is underrated.


Here are 10 (possible) things to look (and not look) for in the right partner:

1. Having the “essentials” in common

We’re glad you asked. The “essentials” are things like: where to live, children or no children, religion or spirituality, the use of money, a sense of a “shared purpose,” and so on. (Some even put political views on this list…)

Take the five things important to you and see how your date checks out. Just don’t interrogate them or give out a creepy vibe.

2. Be wary of someone who wants to get married yesterday

Alright, if you’re on a first date and the word “married” escapes your date’s lips once, it should be a wrap. (Minus the obvious exceptions, like marriage being a topic of discussion.)

Most people rushing to get married make it fairly obvious during the first date or two. Odds are that they’re going to be a pain to date, much less marry.


3. Someone who can make you smile and laugh

A sense of humor is so very powerful – and a shared sense of humor is even more so. Finding someone who can get you to smile and laugh on a bad day deserves some consideration.

Humor can overcome many of life’s toughest obstacles; not to mention, laughter brings lots of fun to a relationship.

4. Someone you can talk to

As a relationship progresses, this quality becomes more important than anything else. If you can’t have a good conversation with your partner, no matter the circumstances, it’s going to be a rough ride.



5. Someone with the “intangibles”

Again, thanks for asking. Intangible personality traits: kindness, honesty, generosity, integrity, and empathy.

“What intangibles are important to me?” is a fantastic question to ask before each date.

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