Our high expectations for potential love at first sight are one reason there’s pressure on a first date, but there are at least 7 signs that this potential partner clearly won’t give you the love you deserve.
We have a lot of expectations on a first date. Researchers studying peoples expectations for a first date found that people stuck to traditional gender roles; people expect women on a first date to be concerned about their appearance, talk more, and to control access to sex, whereas expectations for men focused on planning, paying for, and orchestrating the date.
Not to put any pressure on you, but all of these expectations are probably already on your mind when you go on a first date, even if you were only worrying about what your date thinks about you. But it’s okay, you might still have hope of finding your true love if you can relax, be yourself, and remember what is most important to you in finding the right partner.
But what if your date is rude, gross, not your type, or worse? Is it easy to see the signs? To help place these potential red flags in your mind’s eye, we’ve compiled these warning signs:
7 Signs It Won’t Get Past The First Date…
1. Your date shows disrespect toward you or others
If your date belittles others, based on their appearance, social status, race, political party, gender or any other group that we can think of, you can be sure to expect them to disrespect you at some point in the future. Why wait for that time to come before you leave? Picking on other people is disrespectful and disrespect is surely a sign there may be no chance.
2. Your date has already tried to push your boundaries
Researchers studying communication and sexual expectations for first dates found that ‘men have higher sexual expectations than do women, and that participants’ sexual expectations are heightened when alcohol is available.’ Just something to keep in mind is that if you are drinking, your date may already have their hopes high for sex.
If your date has tried to pressure or manipulate you, whether it is for sex or anything that you do not want to do, take it as a sign of future manipulation in your relationship. If they can’t respect your wishes on a first date, when will they?
3. You have a bad gut feeling
Gut feelings have saved people from being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and in one case for a Reddit user, listening to their gut instinct help them avoid the Virginia Tech shootings that killed 32 students.
If your gut is speaking to you, pay very close attention. Absorb all of the details of the person you are speaking to. Remove your filter of ‘probably a nice person’ and look again. Would you hire this person to work for you? What signs of trust or distrust are you getting? Are you in a safe location where you can get to help if you need it? When in doubt, trust that your gut is alerting you to possible danger and get out, quickly and safely.
4. Your first date shows signs of selfishness, deceit, or anger
Some personality traits are understandable once in a while, like wanting the last cookie for yourself, but if your partner acted selfish all the time, you’d hit the road.
Why waste time with someone who still hasn’t learned to share, much less to put someone else’s needs first? The same is true for any other negative personality trait that you dislike. This could be jealousy, anxiety, immaturity, or even negative personal habits that push all the wrong buttons for you.
People can change, but only if they want to. On a first date, you expect this person’s best. If they can’t give you that for even an hour or two, how can they be expected to behave differently over the course of our relationship?
5. Your first date is checking out other people
This one might be fine with you if you are not into monogamy, but most people at least expect their date to refrain from drooling over other possible romantic conquests while in their presence. Maybe they picked up on your cue that nothing sexual will be happening so they are already on to their “next prey”.
6. Your first date has goals that are not compatible and neither of you is interested in changing.
You like each other, but you can tell that your date is not likely to give up on that law school dream while you are planning to live in Paris and teach people to paddleboard on the Seine. If your first date is hooked on something so far from your goal, it might be a good idea to reconsider the second date unless one of you can out things aside for the other.
On the other hand, maybe your date could switch to international law and the two of you could still be on to a big adventure together. Life goals are a big topic for a first date, but if you’re in a hurry to move on to building your dream life, you might want to rush into these big discussions rather than spend time with someone who will only hold you back.
7. They expect you to be something other than your best self
You may have some flaws, but your date has a huge one if they want you to be anything other than the best version of you that you can be. If your first date is already trying to change something about you that you don’t want to change, it’s time to walk out gracefully.
How do you kindly let them know that it won’t be going any farther?
Thank your date for making time to meet you and tell them that you are looking for someone that has your best interests at heart, shares your goals, and that you don’t want to spend time that is not in pursuit of that relationship goal. Tell them goodbye and congratulate yourself on supporting your own best relationship interests.