You met that great person a few months ago and everything on the surface seems swell. However, something in the back of your mind is telling you that the oasis of love seems like a mirage, yet you are not able to quite put your finger on it. Have you really found the sweet water of love amongst hundreds of square miles of dating desert? These red flags tell you what to look out for in the grander scheme of things.:
11 Signs You Haven’t Found True Love Yet (Even If You Think You Have)
1. They do not read your mind.
No, not like Mel Gibson in “What Women Want”, but how can anyone possibly enjoy a special relationship with a person who do not have those “you read my mind” moments every once in a while? Having these moments shows how strong a connection you both have, and the feeling when it happens is the ultimate in soulmates. It almost makes the intangible tangible. One look is all it takes for fireworks to go off in your minds. Of course, it is not the be all and end all but not having this happen is not a good start.
2. There is zero chemistry.
We need physics to get to chemistry. Therefore, if your magnet of attraction is not functioning properly, how can there be a chemical reaction in their brain? This applies even more so when you are in a relationship. No chemistry makes a relationship go stale and be lifeless. We only get a maximum of two years’ worth of chemistry from Mother Nature to start relationship between soulmates, after that we must put in the effort. However, people go on autopilot romantically because “we have them”. Unless you are a necrophiliac, this becomes a soulless relationship.
3. They never compliment you.
The late Mother Teresa once said that “there is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” We want the people that we care about to feel great, do we not? The best way to do that is to compliment them. An example for the ladies: “You look beautiful in that pink dress.” And the fellas: “You are so amazing taking me to the theme park on your day off.” It is a little reminder that they are indeed important people in our lives. If that even rarely happens, let alone wanting to bring you down a peg or two, then you must ask yourself why.
4. You feel judgement on a consistent level.
“That cheese you are eating stinks more than your awful smelly feet. Put it away and take a shower.” Being judgemental is like cyanide for relationships, except the poison is gradual and it gnaws away at what you have with your beau/belle. Carolyn Hidalgo of Tiny Buddha agrees: “Many believe love is putting up with, sacrificing, tolerating, or suffering in silence thinking their commitment is proof of their love. This is not love.” Do you think that this constitutes a special relationship? Hidalgo adds: “Understanding, seeing, hearing, and accepting someone for who they are is love.” In other words, talking to your sweetheart and conveying your dislikes in a calm manner can promote individuality within the two-person union. Mel Gibson is shouting “Freedom!”
5. Your dearly beloved seems to forget your existence.
Out of sight, out of mind? You should not be. They say that relationships should be fifty-fifty, but does your squeeze put a hundred percent into their fifty? Receiving that text in the morning tells you that you are in their thoughts. Bringing soup or going to the pharmacy for you when you are unwell implies that they are there in the bad times as well. Remembering the great time you both had at the beach and laughing about how they beat you at the game you both made up (you let them win, of course!). These are just three examples of many of how much you mean to them. It is all about how high you are in their list of priorities.
6. You feel the need to retype text messages.
Does it feel like you are writing a Pulitzer Prize novel texting your honey bunny something that normally takes five seconds? Type, delete, start over. Rinse, wash, repeat. Worrying about what to say in a text should worry you and set off alarm bells in your head. Soulmates just text each other and if the correct message was not conveyed, they explain themselves.
7. You are finding yourself forever explaining their actions.
Friends and family mention something to you about their behaviour and you explain why, making you feel like you are caught in the middle. Kim Quindlen of the Thought Catalog writes: “You make excuses for why they treat you the way they do. You have to reassure your loved ones that you’re with the right person, instead of them being able to see it themselves from the way you two behave around each other and the way your partner treats you.” It does not matter whether their behaviour caused tension, anger, confusion, perplexity, or just plain old curiosity, soulmates do not need to do this on behalf of their other half.
8. No work on the relationship on their part.
Relationships are a one-man tango, said no-one ever. There is no hundred percent in their fifty share of the relationship, not even in the smaller stuff. “You invite them to come out to trivia with your friends, or to go to your family’s house for dinner. Sometimes they come and sometimes they don’t, but they never seem too excited about it,” says Quindlen.
Soulmates jump at the chance to spend quality time with you and the people you hold dear. If that is not the case, then you will no doubt also experience the following, as Quindlen informs: “And they never make much of an effort to incorporate you into their life either. You know very little about their friends and family, even though you’d like to.” You are not invited to the family home where Trevor or Trixie grew up or hang out with the crazy crew on a Saturday night, keeping you at arm’s length. Thus leading to Quindlen’s conclusion: “And sometimes, it feels as though you’re leading two separate lives that barely even overlap one another.”
9. They are not happy to see you.
This one is self-explanatory but seeing as though we love our readers… You are in a relationship because the other person makes you feel good when you are in each other’s company. No-one really believes the rom-com movie hype of beaming with happiness, unless you are coming back from touring Iraq. No matter the differences or physical distances, they should always be happy to see you, and vice versa. If not, distances will not just be physical. You will feel miles away from your love dove even though they are right next to you. Is that a soulmate to you? Hint: Check the Cambridge Dictionary definition above.
10. No apparent interest in the future as a couple.
Why are you in a committed relationship if there is no long-term future? It is like having no mozzarella cheese on a pizza or no Jolly Roger flag on a pirate ship. We are not talking about marriage, at least not yet, but having the same life goals and pursuing them together. Of course, a soulmate will talk about the future at length, what they want and how they intend to get it – whatever “it” is. If this is not happening, there is no way that they can be your soul-matey. Arrrrrrrr, me hearties!
11. There is an uneasy sense of insecurity within the relationship.
The first two words that spring to mind are: “on” and “edge”. That is what insecurity feels like in a relationship. You do not want to set them off, do you? You are afraid of what Trevor or Trixie might think if you say they are wrong or you contradict them in any way. With a soulmate, everything seems plain sailing. You talk with candour, respecting each other’s points to of view. Naturally, one can get upset or angry with opinions, but understanding soon follows.
As True Love Dates’ Debra Fileta points out, “Remember, you have the power to teach people how they can and can’t treat you.” If you do not like something, you either change it or compromise by interaction with the other relationship faction. Only you will know what to do if you find these signs but if you are stuck, look no further than the Cambridge Dictionary’s definition of a soulmate. Good luck, mate!
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