“Most women cheat because they feel emotionally deprived, and men are unfaithful because they feel sexually deprived,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage.
Regardless of motive, it turns out that men and women cheat at about the same rate: 19 and 23 percent, respectively. That statistic comes from a University of Indiana study. The study reiterates Dr. Tessina’s assertions:
“The propensity for sexual excitation, or the ease with which one becomes sexually aroused by all kinds of triggers and situations played a bigger role for the men compared to the women, for whom lower relationship happiness and poor compatibility with their spouse or partner in terms of sexual attitudes were more important to the prediction of infidelity.”
Predictably, research also demonstrates those who cheat are untrustworthy in other areas of their lives. In particular, they display dishonesty with their significant other. This sense of mistrust only exacerbates the surfacing of infidelity. “In the wake of an affair, more and more lies come out, and that makes trust very difficult,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a psychotherapist specializing in sex and couples therapy, “It then becomes easy to feel dubious toward your partner in other aspects of like, such as finances or parenting.”
Also, predictably, most marriages end upon discovering an affair – with a divorce rate of about 70 percent. Statistics don’t tell the whole story, obviously. Sadly, an immense amount of emotional harm comes from discovering infidelity to one who’s been cheated on, their children, if any – and, in many cases, emotional harm follows the cheater.
Editorial Note: While the article focuses on signs that a man will not cheat, much of this information may also apply to women. Research shows the similarities between sexes (aside from the root cause) of cheating.
Here are five signs that he will never cheat:
- “It might sound ordinary for a woman to find out her husband’s cheating on her, but not if you’re the woman and it’s your husband.” – Melissa Bank, bestselling author of The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing
1. He’s honest in everything else he does
If your man tends to keep his word in every other aspect of your lives together, he can be considered a trustworthy mate. If he does, even in the most minute way, be dishonest, he’ll own up to it and face the consequences like a man. A man with an ingrained sense of integrity is far less likely to sneak off with another woman.
2. He keeps you informed about everything
If you’re with the type of guy who takes pleasure in keeping you up to date about what’s going on outside of the relationship, there’s little to no chance that he’s seeing someone else. The man you’re with is the type that not only respects the fact you should be included in the “finer details” of his life but takes pride in such.
3. He is a “busy body.”
When your man juggles work, family (especially with kids), and other known responsibilities (e.g. school, softball, etc.), the chances of him even having the time to see someone else is an improbability. The only plausible explanation is his not finding it necessary to sleep. That’s because he spends almost every other waking moment dealing with what’s on his plate.
4. They’ve cut all known ties to former flames
According to eHarmony, 21 percent of men and 32 percent of women who cheat acted on a “sexual temptation…with a former boyfriend/girlfriend.”
Given the proliferation of social media, connecting with past lovers is much easier than ever. However, if your man keeps his “female business” efforts directed towards you – and you only – there’s probably no relationship hazard worth investigating.
5. He’s selfless
Here’s the thing: a good-hearted, honest, genuine man cares more deeply about those he loves (even likes) than himself. Should the man you’re with stop, pull out his wallet, and give a few bucks to someone down on their luck, they almost assuredly don’t have the heart to wound someone so deeply. Indeed, they don’t have the hard heart that cheating inherently requires.