If you’re a cheater to someone who is willing to do anything for you, you’ve actually cheated yourself out of true loyalty.
Why do people cheat?
This is a complex question that would demand hours upon hours of research and subsequent pontification. Suffice to say that being cheated on sucks (please take it from a man – this particular writer – whose ex-wife cheated on him).
Perhaps a more beneficial angle – particularly those with a partner who is a susceptible cheat – is to elaborate a bit about the signs of cheating. It is worth noting that not every individual who expresses these behaviors will cheat, or has cheated. Relatedly, many individuals cheat who provide no apparent, outward reason to suspect infidelity.
As such, it is necessary to take some deliberate precautions before confronting someone with “evidence” of unfaithfulness. There’s quite a bit riding on the line to be impulsive, after all.
That said, here are 10 signs of a cheater you should (probably) not ignore:
- They are always coming home late
If your partner used to be a time hawk; always ragging you about needing to be (some place) at (specific time), only to suddenly disavow his/her meticulous time ownership in favor of arriving home late, it may be a sign of cheating.
Quite simply, it makes little sense for someone involved in a relationship to ignore obvious changes to how they manage time. Those that do are often willing and able to provide an explanation to exactly why such changes are taking place… except for a potential cheater, that is.
- They safeguard their phone
Nobody likes having their phone tampered with. In a serious relationship or marriage, however, it is not unusual to play with your partners phone out of habit. If your partner suddenly and uncharacteristically objects to this by snagging their phone out of your hands, it may be worthwhile to have a constructive dialogue.
- Unexplained charges or lines of credit
It is common for those in a serious relationship to share financial information with each other – a “My money is your money” kind of deal. So, for your partner to inexplicably have spontaneous charges to their credit or debit cards makes little sense. Perhaps more deserving of scrutiny is a newly-opened line of credit that was neither discussed with, nor approved by, their relationship partner.
- They are distant
There really isn’t much that needs to be said about this. After all, you feel the pain more than anyone else. Emotional disconnection is one of the first signs of a cheater; the reason being that the act of separating emotion from action is much easier – and less obvious – than physical separation.
- They “need privacy”
Make no mistake: privacy is absolutely essential to the well being of every relationship. However, constantly insisting upon ‘privacy’ in excess is a potential misnomer when need to said ‘privacy’ was never a prior issue until recently.
- Sudden and excessive defensiveness
When two people are in a serious relationship for any meaningful period of time, each individual’s personality is understood and accepted. As such, it is enigmatic for one person to suddenly delve away from understood personality traits without raising a red flag. Indeed, this red flag may just signify a sudden drift away from commitment – and towards infidelity.
- Changes to dress/hygiene habits
Similar to many things on this list, this one is based off of observable habit. It is only natural to inquire into mysterious alterations of one’s sense of style or hygienic preferences. With the caveat of a “mid-life crisis,” this conspicuous sign of a potential cheater warrants further inquisition.
- Intimacy is rare or non-existent
Common sense dictates that two people in love are intimate with each other, both physically and mentally. When one half of the relationship suddenly abandons any sense of proclivity toward the intimate, it is both troublesome and hurtful. Drifting away from intimacy may be due to more than one easily-compartmentalized reason, but it may be a sign of emotional and physical disconnect…and possibly, cheating.
- They absolve themselves of your social circle
Know how he/she used to be all about gatherings and other social soirees? Well, for some strange reason, they just don’t seem to be all that interested anymore. In fact, the idea of intermingling with your inner circle seems downright repugnant. See, it’s much easier to separate themselves from those close to you than to admit their disinterest in you.
- They “need to work”
Okay, so we all need to work for a living, understandably. But, as a couple, you should feel obligated to elaborate on any significant changes to your work schedule. Unfortunately, this is one not-so-subtle excuses that cheaters use to explain away any previously-existent sense of responsibility. Work is a common and convenient excuse for a number of reasons. Primarily, it is commonplace for employees to put in extra hours at the workplace, either out of necessity or sense of obligation. However, when ‘working’ seems to become more the rule than the exception, it is time to have a serious talk.