Every relationship has its share of difficulties. Indeed, the honeymoon phase fades away once you are together for a while. You’ll find that the minor things annoy you, and you may disagree and argue more than before. It’s these little arguments that can cause a resentful partner to exhibit negative behaviors.
If you don’t resolve them, resentment and contempt will creep in, and it can choke the life out of your relationship. Daily irritations will challenge you, but they are toxic to the relationship. When you have a resentful partner, a once harmonious union can turn poisonous if you don’t take steps to fix things immediately.
Ten Red Flags of a Resentful Partner
When a person looks for issues in their relationship, it’s always easier to examine the other person. However, it takes two to form this union, and each of you has feelings and opinions that can get in the way.
Both of you are different, and you should examine your faults and your partner’s issues. Here are some signs of a resentful partner that’s destroying your connection.
1. A Resentful Partner Picks Disputes
Once you’ve been together for a while, you will notice that there are times you tend to bicker more than others. However, there’s always a reprieve, and things go back to normal. When you have a resentful partner, the bickering can become constant.
When you fight over every little thing, you might conceal something that you both fail to address under the surface. Even couples who despise each other don’t fight this much, so where is all this aggression coming from?
2. Your Efforts Aren’t Appreciated
Everyone wants to feel appreciated, but it’s essential for a good foundation in a relationship. You can express appreciation by several methods, but verbal accolades are necessary.
If your partner isn’t respecting you and thanking you for the little things you do, it could be that they harbor bitterness towards you. When they stop saying “thank you,” lookout!
3. A Resentful Partner Makes Snide Comments Disguised as Jokes
Jokes should be funny. Still, it hurts when your partner says sarcastic, insulting, rude, or condescending things. Do they make you the butt of jokes in front of other people?
This cruel punchline only adds insult to injury. Maybe you’re trying to deny the intentions of your partner’s jokes, or you’re crying inside because you feel your relationship is dying. When the one you love becomes cruel, it’s a sign of anger and pent-up frustration that’s coming out.
According to Dr. Jacquelyn Johnson, when your partner says something so offensive to you, you need to call out the absurdity of tactlessness. Flip the script on them and see how it feels. Then, you should talk about it away from others and get to the core issue behind these comments.
4. They Will Constantly Badmouth You
It’s impossible to agree with everything that your partner says and does. Yet, the real problem comes into play when they start scolding you in front of others. It can be especially troubling for them to demean you in front of children or other family members.
The resentful partner will make no qualms about calling you out no matter who’s present, and it’s easy to see that the badmouthing and embarrassing behaviors are because they’re emotionally distressed.
5. Absence of Affection and Intimacy
One of the best things about being in a relationship is the affection and intimacy that you share. Consequently, when these things are missing, it’s a sign that something’s not right. Many folks withhold intimacy to retaliate against the other party, and it’s a sign they’re harboring bitterness.
A resentful partner won’t want to hug, kiss, give verbal affirmations, or have any physical intimacy as something beneath the surface makes them bitter.
6. Sadness and hopelessness are Common Sentiments
It’s not unusual for people to feel sad at their partner’s actions, but when one of you starts to feel hopeless, it’s another ballgame. Sadness is fleeting and usually only lasts for a specific amount of time. However, hopelessness can be hard to repair.
When you have a healthy relationship, there’s no room for hopelessness. When you lose hope in your future as a couple, it can be underlying bitterness that’s trying to destroy you from within.
7. Communication is Lacking
If you want to be together for the long haul, you must learn to communicate with one another appropriately. Communication is a foundational building block in your union and trust and honesty. When you stop talking to one another, you’re dooming your relationship to fail.
How much have you been talking to your partner lately, or are their conversations becoming rare? Have you become bored with one another, or is there anger replacing the love you once had? It’s time to evaluate why this vital part of your union is breaking apart and strive to fix it.
8. There Are Negative Changes in the Behavior of a Resentful Partner
Remember how nice it was when your partner made all these small gestures to show you how much they cared? All those little extra things have fallen, by the way, as this person has changed. The love of your life who once made things much easier has become a puzzle that you must try to figure out.
Maybe you’re the one with the problem, and you skip by their favorite candy bar at the grocery store because you don’t feel like buying it for them. Perhaps, the tension under the surface is anger from years of unaddressed issues, or one or both of you have become emotionally distressed in the relationship.
9. Your Partner is Critical of You
When you’re in love, you should be able to voice your concerns with one another. Unfortunately, a resentful partner who was once easygoing has become critical of everything you do. On the inside, they’re emotionally distressed, and this has caused them to criticize the most insignificant things.
There may have bad feelings towards you or something you’ve done on the inside. When you push these issues off to another day, you’re breaking down the hard work you put into each other to develop a good relationship. Instead of positive communication with one another, yours has become quite harmful.
10. You See Passive-aggressive Behaviors in a Resentful Partner
One of the giant red flags that bitterness has crept into the relationship is passive-aggressive behaviors. When someone has become resentful, they usually act sarcastic or even vengeful. While it’s uncomfortable to watch or experience, it gives them a release they need from the pent-up frustration.
You may find their behavior confusing and unproductive. How can you resolve an issue if they won’t speak about it and would rather play games?
Healing the Rift with a Resentful Partner
Just because there are issues in your relationship doesn’t mean you’re doomed to fail. You can repair the problems and restore the love you once felt for each other. Here are some things you can do to improve and heal your connection.
•Apologize to Each Other
The first place to start when you want to heal your relationship is to apologize. You’ve done things wrong, and so have they, but it’s time to get this dirty laundry managed.
Make a conscious effort to communicate with one another. Addressing any concerns as soon as they arise is better than sweeping them under the rug. Set a time each night to talk about your day and things bothering you.
•Remember Why You’re Together
Sometimes, you need to get back to the basics and realize what initially attracted you to one another. You will see how easy it is to fall back in love when you start making a trip down memory lane.
•Make Time for One Another
When you don’t spend time together, you’re just asking for trouble. Make date night a priority, and try to carve out just a little bit of your day for the one who means so much to you. It’s effortless for anger and bitterness to creep in when you don’t spend enough time together.
•Get Professional Help if You Still Need Help Salving the Relationship with a Resentful Partner
If you’re serious about fixing things, seek professional help. You can mend the rift only if you both put your heart and soul into it.
Final Thoughts on Resentment in a Relationship
Every couple has some bumps in the road that make life uncomfortable. The difference between those who make it and those who don’t is showing support for each other–no matter what. A resentful partner harbors perpetual ill will towards the other person.
They have issues that aren’t being resolved rather than talking about them. They choose to act out. The sooner you deal with these issues, the less damage your relationship will suffer.