There’s a very unfair misconception that exists in popular culture that the perfect couple believes only in positive thinking and thus, never fights. On the contrary, if you actively avoid fights or disagreements with your partner, you either have some bottled up issues or you’re very passive aggressive. Of course, confrontation is always a horrible thing to go through, especially with your significant other. But sometimes, you need to accept the fact that all couples have similar fights and really, even if you feel like it’s the end of the world, it’s not.
But why is it healthy for a relationship to endure some hard times every now and again? Well, for starters, there’s a right and wrong way to do fights and arguments. Don’t feel like you have to pick fights for nothing (and mind your tone whenever you do have a fight). Secondly, fights are a great way to air out issues that might otherwise go unsaid. Bottling things up is unhealthy in all relationships and an argument is a good way to let go of the negative emotions for good. Finally, psychologists argue that you may not have much choice in the matter. Some people are so used to seeing couples fight in their own family environment that they are convinced it’s the only way a relationship can operate.
Do you feel as if you’re fighting with your partner too much? Here are some fights that you’ve most likely already had – or if not, you’ll have them soon. But don’t worry, we also offer some advice how to prevent them from happening again, and how to stop them from hurting your relationship beyond repair.
12 Reasons Every Couple Fights, And How to Prevent It from Destroying Your Relationship
“Love isn’t when there are no fights in the relationship. Love is when, once the fight ends, love is still there.” – Unknown
1. When you take it out on each other
This is almost inevitable with a couple that lives together. After a long, stressful day at work, sometimes the only viable thing you can do is take out your frustration on someone else. Unfortunately, that someone who’s right in front of you tends to be your significant other. Try to recognize when this happens out of genuine frustration with something they do as opposed to out of accumulated stress. When you feel like lashing out, stop and count backward from five – slowly – and you might feel your anger dissipate.
2. When you think the other person doesn’t compromise
Do you feel like you’re doing everything your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to do? Does it feel like they’re always choosing what TV show to watch or where to go for dinner? Or is it the other way around? Either way, you may feel like your relationship is not balanced. Try to remedy that by encouraging communication and involvement in decisions like date nights and what’s for dinner. Baby steps are the key to resolving this.
3. When you move in together
Moving in together is a huge step and it’s normal to be nervous. The very act of moving in with each other is likely to spawn a fight – often over something inconsequential such as who should be doing the dishes or going shopping. Always try to find out what you’re really fighting about and resolve that – not the other issues that you’ve imagined.
4. When you don’t have enough intimacy
Intimacy is incredibly important in a relationship. When it’s missing, you tend to pick fights about it. Try to entice your partner towards intimacy rather than making them feel guilty. Help them relax and feel comfortable and then initiate an intimate moment – you never know how they’ll react.
5. When you disagree about money
There’s the antiquated concept of the “breadwinner” in the family, aka the one person who holds all the family’s finances. It can often lead to fights if your partner thinks that you’re spending money on pointless things. To resolve this, try to achieve some financial independence – be it through freelance working or splitting common costs (like rent) more evenly.
6. When you discover things that cause suspicion
Did you see your significant other messaging their ex or notice explicit content in their internet history? Maybe it’s not your place to snoop. Ignorance is bliss in those cases. You should be able to always trust your partner enough not to go behind their back to check up on them. If you truly can’t trust your partner, there might be bigger issues you need to work out as a couple.
7. When commitment comes up
Or just taking the next step, be it buying a house, getting engaged, or having a baby. If your partner isn’t ready for that big step, you (or they) can easily lash out. To fix this, try to communicate and figure out what it is they’re really scared of. Understanding these issues from their perspective will make all the difference.
8. When you feel that they don’t listen to you
Even if you live together, every person needs their space every now and again. Sometimes when you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall, there’s a deeper reason behind it. Try to find out what it is. Sometimes, your partner has difficult and overwhelming things on their mind. When you help them with those, then you’ll see your communication improve.
9. When they don’t do the chores
This is a fairly trivial (yet common!) fight, especially with a couple that lives together. Attempt to establish a set routine of doing the chores. Make sure everyone knows what their duties are. And sometimes, you just have to leave all the dishes in the sink overnight – life is just like that.
10. When you’re not happy with the level of PDA
Whether it’s too much or too little, if you’re dissatisfied with the attention your partner shows you in public, that can easily aggravate you. Avoid this by having an honest discussion about boundaries and habits early on in your relationship.
11. When it’s holiday season
Christmas and other special holidays are a peculiar time for a couple as they have to decide which family they’d like to spend it with, especially if they’re unmarried. Fights can easily ensue then. Remedy this by taking turns every year. That way, everyone will be happy and feel like they’re having you over.
12. When they value their friends more
Or so you think. If you constantly think your significant other is always with their friends rather than you, you can easily get jealous and turn it into a fight. Try to resist it, because that’s just your own jealousy speaking. Maybe you can join your partner on a night out with friends. Who knows, you might end up having fun!
Fights and confrontation are always stressful for a couple, but communication is key to keeping an open mind and open heart. As long as you talk to each other and stay positive, you’ll find those 12 common fights will become a thing of the past.