Pocketing refers to a relationship dynamic where one partner keeps the relationship a secret from others, including family, friends, and even on social media. This might be because of a lack of commitment, fear of vulnerability, or failure to make the relationship public. This can create insecurity and isolation for the person being “pocketed,” as it can make them feel like the relationship is not legitimate or essential enough to be shared with others.
If this behavior impacts the relationship negatively, address it and find a solution that works for both parties. Every relationship is different, and it’s not always a negative thing. It could be that your partner wants to take things slow, or they have a different perspective on how relationships should be shared with others.
However, if you feel that it’s something that’s impacting your relationship negatively, it’s essential to communicate with your partner and understand why they are “pocketing” you. It may signify a deeper issue in the relationship and needs to be addressed.
7 Signs Your Partner Is Pocketing You
1. They Keep You a Secret from Their Family and Friends
A relationship where one partner is not allowing the other to meet the people in their life, including family and friends, can cause concern. It can create feelings of insecurity and isolation. Plus, it can make the person being pocketed feel like the relationship is not legitimate or necessary enough.
If your partner makes excuses for why you can’t meet their family or friends, it could be a sign that they are avoiding introducing you to them. This could mean they are not ready to make the relationship public or are not as committed to it as you are. But this is not always a sign of pocketing.
You can only know by communicating. Relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. So if your partner is not allowing you to meet the people in their life and you feel that this is a deal breaker, you must have an open and honest conversation about it and consider the relationship’s future.
2. They Refuse to Post You on Social Media
Everyone has different boundaries when sharing their personal life on social media, and not everyone feels comfortable. Some people may share many details about their life, while others may be more private. Each person needs to establish their boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.
But it’s essential that both partners feel comfortable and respected in the relationship. It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how this behavior affects you and work towards a solution that you both are comfortable with. There are legitimate reasons why someone would want to keep the relationship off social media. But it can also be a sign of pocketing.
But remember, a relationship does not need to be validated or proved by posting it on social media. It’s a personal choice, and everyone has the right to decide for themselves. The most important thing is the connection and trust between partners, not what is being shared on social media. If you agree to keep things private, you can rest assured that your partner isn’t treating you as a secret.
3. They Don’t Include You in Plans for the Future If Pocketing You
If your partner is not including you in their future plans, it could be a sign that they may not see you as a long-term part of their life. On the other hand, it could also mean that they are being a little too secretive. If they do not include you in their plans because they don’t see a future with you, it’s better to know early on and decide about the relationship. If it’s a different reason, work on resolving the issue.
But this behavior is also indicative of pocketing. True, it might just be that they feel uncertain about their future and do not want to make any commitments. At least, not until they have a better idea of what’s ahead. They may also feel overwhelmed by other things and not think about the future as much as they should.
It’s also possible that they may have a different way of planning and communicating. But it is possible that your partner is not including you in their plans and keeping the relationship a secret. It’s just a way of them pocketing you.
4. They Don’t Tell Others Anything About the Relationship
Making a relationship public can mean different things to different people, and it is ultimately a personal decision. For some, making a relationship public means posting about it on social media; for others, it may mean introducing their partner to their friends and family.
Making a relationship public can have advantages, such as allowing others to share and celebrate the joy of the relationship. It can also help to establish the relationship as serious and committed. It can also help build community and support around the relationship. However, there are also some potential downsides to making a relationship public.
For example, it can expose the relationship to outside opinions and interference, making it more difficult to maintain privacy. Ultimately, whether or not to make a relationship public is personal and should be based on what feels comfortable and suitable for you and your partner. But if your partner makes this decision alone, without you agreeing, that’s a sign of pocketing.
5. They Make Excuses to Avoid Being Seen with You in Public if Pocketing You
If your partner does not want to be seen with you in public, it could indicate various issues in your relationship. It could mean they are ashamed or embarrassed to be associated with you or are not fully committed to the relationship. Maybe they hang out with you in their house and always refuse to go out because you are a secret.
Or maybe they accept to get out of the house, but only in private and secret places. This kind of sneaky behavior can often be a sign of pocketing. Being seen in public as a couple can have different meanings and importance depending on the individual and the relationship. For some, it may symbolize commitment and a way to show the world they are in a serious relationship.
It may not be as essential for others, and they may prefer to keep their relationship more private. However, the act of going out in public together can also be a way to strengthen the bond and connection between partners. It also can be a way to show off your love for each other. So, when your partner refuses to do that, that should signal that something is wrong.
6. They Don’t Invite You to Events
This is not always a sign that you are being kept a secret. There could be an underlying reason why they are not inviting you to events. It could be something as simple as they thought you would not be interested, or they may not have thought to ask you. They could also be going through personal issues or may not want to expose you to a particular social circle.
Everyone has different social needs and preferences. Your partner may not see the events they attend as vital to you or your relationship. It’s essential to have an open and honest conversation about these issues to understand each other’s perspective. Maybe you can come to a compromise if necessary.
However, don’t ignore the pocketing aspect of this behavior. Sure, some couples don’t care about events. But it’s still weird if your partner has to attend something and they don’t ask you to go. If they go to a wedding alone, for example, they are not taking things between you as seriously as they should.
7. They Refuse to Make the Relationship Official
It can be difficult and frustrating when a significant other is unwilling to commit or take a relationship to the next level. It is essential to communicate with your partner and understand their reasoning for not wanting to make things official. If the lack of commitment is causing you to feel unimportant or insecure, expressing this to your partner and having an open and honest conversation about it is crucial.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that everyone moves at their own pace in relationships and respects each other’s feelings and needs. Exclusivity is another thing that might be avoided by someone who is pocketing you. Exclusivity in a relationship means that both partners are committed to only being romantically and sexually involved with each other. Some people prefer an exclusive relationship, while others prefer to keep their options open.
But serious relationships are usually exclusive. And, if that’s something you want, but your partner doesn’t, that should be a red flag. If being exclusive is important to you and your partner is unwilling to commit, expressing this to them is important. Have an open and honest conversation about it.
Final Thoughts on Some Signs Your Partner Is Pocketing You
Pocketing happens far more often than anyone would like to admit. Many people, especially young people, are not ready for a serious commitment. And there’s nothing wrong with not being committed to someone as long as you agree to keep it a secret.
The problem arises when a partner is trying to keep secret that they have any connection to the person they’re with. There are a few ways to tell if your partner is pocketing you. The bottom line is you can tell someone is pocketing you when they do anything to keep you out of their life. They might try to hide you from friends and family.
They’ll probably refuse to post you on social media. They’ll refuse to make things official and might even push you to drop exclusivity claims. All these things point towards your relationship is a little problematic. You must address these issues and see if you can reach common ground with your partner.