When someone wants a romantic relationship with you but you’re not interested, it can be hard to tell them. However, telling them how you feel is essential, so they don’t get the wrong idea and make things weird. Ignoring them isn’t the way to get your point across, and there are kind ways to tell someone.
When you kindly tell someone you’re not interested, you can remain friends. If you work with the person, you can maintain a non-awkward co-worker relationship. However the person is involved in your life, it’s best to ensure things won’t be weird later on.
Even if you think you won’t see that person ever again, you never know when you’ll run into them. It’s best to stay on good terms with people whenever possible, so ghosting isn’t the way to go. Instead, be kind and let them know that you don’t want a romantic relationship with them.
You might be afraid to hurt the other person’s feelings, but they’ll be okay. When they know the truth and won’t be left wondering what happened, it’ll be easier for them to move on. Plus, doing it kindly limits the hurt they might feel about the situation.
Ten Kind Ways to Tell Someone You Are Not Interested in Romance
Soften the blow with these words.
1. Have the Conversation in Person When You’re Not Interested
When you tell someone that you aren’t interested, it’s best to do it in person. While it’s easy to send a text message to break the news, it’s not a kind way to handle it. Having the conversation in person can help the other person process the rejection.
Breaking the news in person also shows that you respect them enough to look them in the eye as you say it. Plus, they’ll see that you’re serious and won’t try to change your mind or keep pursuing you.
However, you must prepare yourself for the in-person conversation. The other person will be disappointed or hurt, but it’s inevitable in this situation. It will only be worse if you don’t get it over with, and taking the easy route by sending a text isn’t kind.
2. Don’t Apologize for How You Feel
You don’t have to reciprocate someone’s feelings, so there’s nothing for you to apologize for. Even if you’ve already been on a couple of dates with the person, you have no reason to say sorry. Instead, be polite and direct without apologizing for how you feel.
An apology can make it seem like there’s still a chance, and you want to be as firm as possible. In this situation, the best way to be direct is to keep your message short and direct. Let them know you aren’t interested, and then leave it at that.
3. Reject Them in a Way You’d Want to Be Rejected
No one wants to experience rejection, but it’s part of life. When you tell someone that you aren’t interested, think of how you would like someone to break the news. Put yourself in their position and be kind about turning them down.
If you reject them in a way you’d want to hear this news, you won’t have to overthink about it. You’ll go into the situation knowing how to behave and what to say. Plus, you won’t have to stress out later about things you said.
4. If You’re Not Interested, Just Be Honest
You might consider lying about why you’re turning someone down, but it’s not kind. Instead, be truthful with your words and emotions.
One way to make sure you stay honest is to avoid overthinking your answer. Overthinking sometimes leads to complications and exaggerations. Instead, say what you mean without thinking of downplay it first.
You don’t have to be mean when being honest. You can explain that you don’t think there’s chemistry between you. Or, you could say that you’re interested in someone else or not interested in dating at all.
Being upfront and honest can help the other person accept and cope with the rejection. Plus, they will appreciate your kindness and honesty, making it easier to be friends later on. However, they might try to change your mind, and you must remain firm.
5. Give Compliments, but Don’t Give False Hope if You’re Really Not Interested
Giving compliments with the rejection is one of the kindest ways to tell someone you are not interested. When you give compliments, it helps decrease the negative feelings accompanying rejection.
Tell them what you think is great about them, and follow it up with your direct message. People can have great qualities and still not be suitable for you, so add a buffer to be kind.
However, please don’t say things that make it sound like there’s hope for a relationship. When you give false hope, it negates everything else you said, and the other person will still hold onto hope. They might even continue pursuing a relationship with you.
6. Be Clear About Your Needs
When you don’t tell someone why you are rejecting them, it can be more painful for the other person. They’re left wondering what they did wrong or if something is wrong with them. However, being clear about what you need in life allows them to remove blame from themselves.
You might need someone with different life goals and aspirations, and it’s okay to say that. Everyone has differing plans for their life, and part of dating is finding someone who fits. If you aren’t looking for a relationship at all, tell them that you need to dedicate your time to other things.
Whatever your needs are, be clear about them. You don’t have to go into too much detail, but briefly touching on your needs is essential to being kind. Telling them your needs can make it possible to continue being friends without making things awkward.
7. Don’t Blame Your Disinterest on Their Traits
While honesty is essential, you don’t have to be entirely transparent. If you are not attracted to some of their traits or features, don’t point it out. It won’t make them feel good, and it won’t help them cope with the rejection.
If you tell them that their traits or physical characteristics are why you aren’t interested, it makes everything worse. They will feel self-conscious and start thinking they aren’t good enough for anyone. Avoid negative comments about their height, stature, facial expression, shape, or mannerisms.
Pointing these things out as negative qualities is a personal attack, even if you don’t see it that way. When in this situation, tell the other person that you don’t think you’re compatible instead.
8. Don’t Wait to Break the News That You’re Not Interested
If to want to kindly tell someone you are not interested in romance, do it right away. Don’t leave anyone hanging, and don’t drag anyone along out of fear of speaking up. As soon as you know that there’s no chance, make a plan to tell the other person.