You might think the chances of two narcissists meeting and falling in love are low, but it’s more common than you’d expect. Even still, there’s the question of whether a relationship between two people with narcissistic personality disorder is sustainable or doomed from the start.
People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) start their romantic journey looking for a giving and caring partner. They want someone who will constantly pay attention to them and give them the things they want and need. However, studies show they are more likely to fall in love with another narcissist long-term.
A person with NPD is self-absorbed and only thinks of themselves. They often think they’re better than anyone else around them and treat others with disdain. These people are full of themselves and want others to feel like they’re lucky to spend time with them.
Someone like this is incapable of having a supportive, loving relationship. While self-absorbed people might get lucky and find someone to put up with their narcissism, they’ll likely be looking for a while. Instead, you might notice that two narcissists fall in love, and there’s good reason for it.
Why Two Narcissists Often Fall in Love
1. Narcissists Are Both Excited About Impressing One Another
Both partners are self-absorbed and love impressing people. They enjoy the big gestures and love-bombing of the first stage of their relationship. Both will enjoy receiving these things from their partner.
They both shower one another with praise and adoration. The beginning of the relationship is often full of charm and romance, making one another feel special.
2. Those With NPD Bond Over Their Similar Lifestyles
Narcissists like to show off and make themselves look good. They will bond over their similar lifestyles because they handle things the same way. Not everyone has these shallow interests, so it’s nice for them to find someone who understands.
3. People Who Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder Idealize One Another
Both partners feed off the other’s ego and idealize the behavior. Even if they use one another, they bask in the false perfection of the relationship.
4. Narcissists Appreciate People Like Them
People enjoy others who are like them, and that’s accurate in this situation, too. They are attracted to people with similar qualities. If they think they’re the best, they will also view other narcissists as superior.
Self-absorbed people may not realize they are a narcissist, but they are. Because of this, they’ll attract another self-absorbed person. They find someone most like them, and then they fall in love.
5. They Think Jealousy is Romantic
Narcissistic personality disorder causes someone to get jealous, although it’s a toxic relationship trait. Since a self-absorbed person often experiences the feeling, they begin to view it as a romantic trait.
Most people think jealousy indicates possessiveness, control, and insecurity. Since most people don’t think it’s romantic, a self-absorbed person must turn to someone else who thinks jealousy is appropriate.
Jealousy shows that someone is unwilling to work for good things in life. They’ll appreciate someone with the same mindset because they won’t have to try.
6. They Want and Seek Instant Gratification
Narcissists want instant gratification, and they’ll do anything to get it. If they’re not with someone like them, they might have a partner telling them no.
They’ll look for someone who puts up with their lack of doing things that’ll offer beneficial results in the future. A self-absorbed person won’t do the work if it doesn’t pay off immediately.
When two narcissists come together, there’s no voice of reason. They’ll both want to receive instant gratification, and they can happily do it together. When one of them wants something, they’ll do what it takes to fill their yearned at the moment.
Sometimes their need for instant gratification shows in the way they want instant responses to text messages and phone calls. Another narcissist understands and will likely give in to make their partner happy.
7. They Both Have Feelings of Superiority
Both partners in this relationship harbor feeling of superiority. They love the other person because they see the same behaviors in them. The collaboration of being better than others gives them feelings of validation and makes them feel good about themselves.
They view themselves as a power couple and enjoy admiration and attention from others. No matter what’s going on behind the scenes, they can count on one another not to expose the flaws. They both want the relationship to seem perfect to outsiders.
8. Both Partners Who Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder Feel Entitled
Narcissists feel entitled and expect exceptional treatment even when it’s undeserved. They expect people to cater to them and appreciate it when their partner behaves the same way.
When both partners behave as if the world revolves around them, they’ll love to go out together. They’ll nitpick people and find even minor mistakes. While most people would be embarrassed when their partner acts entitled, another self-absorbed person will love it.
9. They Want to Get Noticed Together
Narcissists love compliments and having people talk about them because it means they got noticed. If they find someone else who thrives on this, they’ll fall in love quickly. They walk around thinking they look perfect together and embrace the feeling of getting noticed.
10. There’s No One to Hold Them Accountable
These people lack reliability and get annoyed when people expect more from them. They are great at saying what they will or can do but don’t follow through. Self-absorbed people break promises and don’t fulfill agreements.
They also tend to have commitment issues and disappear once they get what they want. Many people won’t put up with this behavior, and they’ll often call them out or end the relationship. However, other narcissists won’t mind, and they don’t hold their partners accountable.
11. People With NPD Don’t Have Anyone Else to Choose From
Narcissists will likely try to date caring partners before turning to someone like them. Once their caring partner recognizes the self-absorbed behavior, they won’t always stick around. If this happens too often, it’ll become common knowledge that a narcissist is a toxic person.
When people know they shouldn’t date a self-centered person, the narcissist doesn’t have many romantic partners to choose from. Their options become smaller as time goes on. Eventually, they’ll only have other self-absorbed people to choose from, leaving them to fall in love with another narcissist.
Even if they have other options, they might be afraid to try again. After being dumped because of their lies and manipulation, they’ll want someone who won’t mind. They gravitate toward someone like them so that they can continue their behavior without worry.
12. They Disregard Boundaries
Everyone is allowed to have boundaries, but narcissists ignore them. They don’t care if they make someone else uncomfortable. When they want to do something, they do it without regard to anyone around them.
These people often refuse to follow the rules, too. They don’t care about regulations and believe they can make their own rules.
You might notice that they cut in line, steal, ignore traffic rules, and break appointments. They don’t care how their behavior affects others or the environment.
They take pride in their behavior, and they’ll embrace someone who feels the same way. It’s easy for them to fall in love when they meet another self-absorbed person who disregards boundaries. Other people might correct them, but another narcissist will join in.
13. They Don’t Mind Being Used
Narcissists use their romantic partners, and many people won’t put up with it. However, other narcissists won’t mind being used because they’re getting something out of it, too. They don’t mind the emptiness or shallowness that accompanies the situation because they already feel it.
14. Narcissists Treat Others Similarly
A self-absorbed person doesn’t always treat other people very well. They put others down and belittle them as a way to feel better about their life. While some people won’t put up with it, other narcissists will. The couple might work together to mistreat others and bask in how it makes them feel.
This couple will work together to deplete others of self-esteem and self-confidence. They want to make people feel unworthy of good things in life. You’ll notice that they say negative things about people’s backgrounds to embarrass them or make them feel inferior.
What Happens in This Relationship Between Narcissists
Two narcissists often fall in love because they are so much alike. However, their bond tends to be emotionally toxic, and the relationship is turbulent. They aren’t likely to have a comforting or intense romance and will fight often.
This couple uses each other throughout the relationship and works together to harm others. They do whatever they can to achieve their goals, no matter who they hurt. Since they are self-absorbed, they’ll be selfish in all aspects, creating worsening conditions within the relationship.
One way to look at it is that two narcissists should fall in love. If they fall in love with one another, it can save an emotionally healthy person from falling into the trap. You can’t change a self-absorbed person, so it’s best to allow them to feed off one another instead.
Final Thoughts on Why Two Narcissists Often Fall in Love
Their similarities make it possible for them to have a functional relationship because they understand one another. While you might not understand the situation, you can wish them the best and watch the relationship play out.