Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been together for years, you may question your partner’s actions. When someone is keeping a secret, they act differently or strangely. However, these deceptive folks seem to follow a pattern, and it’s not hard to figure out when someone is being dishonest with you.
It’s not acceptable to keep secrets from one another when you’re in a relationship. There are some instances where you might not tell something very personal right at the start. Consequently, if you are together for any length of time, there should be nothing hidden, as it will always come out.
Twelve Behaviors Reveal Someone Is Keeping a Secret
Have you been getting some weird vibes from your person? Remember, the ugly truth is still better than a beautiful lie, so you need to confront them. Here are twelve signs that someone is keeping a secret from you.
1. A Person Keeping a Secret Is Defensive When Confronted
If you’ve been suspicious of their actions for a while, you’ll eventually work up the nerve to confront them. During this confrontation, their actions will mean everything. Do they become defensive?
You should expect clear answers when you ask a question, but someone who jumps to their defense is suspect. Additionally, if they become agitated and seem like they’re panicking, you might be close to uncovering their secret.
2. They Avoid Topics About Their Family
At the beginning of your relationship, there are a few reasons why some folks don’t want to discuss their family. When you come from trauma or have a complex background, it’s not the first thing you want to share with people. However, you can’t ignore that there might be another reason they’re so reluctant to talk about their family.
They could be secretive to protect you or want to protect themselves from what you will find. Did you know that most toxic people have poor relationships with their family and few friends? If you’ve linked up with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, they may have few people who are close to them and with good reason.
According to the National Library of Medicine, NPD is the new borderline personality disorder of today. The article says that this individual is so self-absorbed that they have little regard for anyone else. This disorder doesn’t bode well in a relationship, even with family members.
3. They Give too Much Information
Some folks don’t give enough information, and some people give you too much. When their story is so well played and has every detail explained down to the letter, you can’t help but think it sounds well thought out. Why is it that people who lie tend to make their fibs so elaborate?
Now granted, some people prefer to give all the details, but they will do this in all instances and not just one. Trust your gut if your person is sharing too many details regarding a specific situation.
4. You Never Know What Mood They Will Be in if Keeping a Secret
Do you walk on eggshells around this person because their moods are constantly fluctuating? You can go from a hero to a zero in a couple of seconds. One sign that people keep a secret and try to hide things is that they are waffling all over the place with their moods.
5. They Cancel Your Plans Constantly
It doesn’t matter if the plans were made months in advance or a few days; they seem always to find a way to bail on you. They may even ghost you and don’t have the courtesy to show. When someone keeps a secret, they tend to be flighty and not like to make firm plans as things are constantly changing in their world.
6. They Think White Lies Are Okay
Some people think that white lies are okay, but a half-truth is still a whole lie. It would help if you were cautious of anyone that thinks anything deceptive is okay. Spinning the truth or telling white lies should be a big deal.
Anyone willing to lie about the small stuff will have no issue lying about the big stuff too.
7. You’ve Never Been to Their Place
Do you find it odd that they want to always come back to your place, but they would never have you over to their house? Now, if a person lives with their mother or has roommates, then you can understand. However, they will be upfront and honest with you about those matters from the start.
If they act weird anytime you ask to see their place, then you might smell a rat. While you don’t want to assume, some people cheat and have a spouse with kids at home. So, you must be careful.
8. Sometimes They Act Paranoid
If your partner is lying, they can’t fathom that you wouldn’t lie also. It’s because they have a very skewed view of the world. So, in return, they might start being suspicious of you, even if there’s no basis for it.
How often have you heard that someone cheating turns it around and blames their spouse for cheating? Part of it is gaslighting, but the other part is that they believe since they’re guilty that you must be too. Additionally, paranoia can be part of a mental health disorder called schizophrenia.
If you notice that they’re generally paranoid about people, places, or even things, it’s cause for concern. However, just being paranoid about specific topics or situations isn’t a sign of such a condition. According to the Nation Library of Medicine, someone with paranoid schizophrenia has delusions and hallucinations. They state that up to 72 percent of people with this disorder will have these mental disturbances.
9. They Avoid Going Out in Public
Some people prefer to stay home and chill, but be wary if your partner suddenly doesn’t want to go out anymore. There can be conditions like depression that can make someone avoid the public, but you will see other signs of a mental health disorder.
It’s completely normal to go to the movies and dinner, but if you can’t get your partner to do that, something isn’t right. You deserve better than staying home all the time, and it could mean that they don’t want to be seen in public with you.
10. Someone Keeping a Secret Refuses To Commit
Some folks have commitment issues by nature. For instance, they might have grown up in a home that was dysfunctional thanks to divorce, so this will impact them significantly. However, there might be another reason why your new love interest refuses to commit. If you’re stuck in the friend zone, then you need to find out why.
11. They Turn Things Around on You
Gaslighting is when someone takes a situation about themselves and puts it onto someone else. Deflecting is very common from abusive people, and they usually turn it around on you. For instance, they may be keeping a secret about having an affair, and you’re starting to put together the puzzle pieces.
However, when you confront them, they might turn it around and say you’re the one having an affair as you brought it up. They will find some way to turn it all around, so it’s your fault. This is a common tactic used to get the focus off of them and put it on you.
12. They Don’t Like To Take Photos Together
Most couples love to take pictures together. With the age of social media, plastering your photographs on the world wide web seems to make things official. However, if your person constantly comes up with excuses because they don’t want photos, it might signify they’re lying.
Be careful because some folks don’t want any photogenic evidence of their lies. This is especially true of serial cheaters, as they will avoid social media altogether.
Final Thoughts on Signs Someone Is Keeping a Secret
Negative people tend to come with a boatload of toxic garbage. You may not initially see all the signs of a self-centered liar, but you will see their true colors over time. Remember, someone with NPD can be pretty charming when they want to be, and they can make you think that you’ve latched onto a real catch.
Consequently, you will see how much of a nightmare it is to deal with this individual daily after the relationship moves forward. When someone is keeping a secret, they will resort to all sorts of tactics to keep you from uncovering the truth. They will turn things around on you, lie, become defensive, and even become abusive to keep you off their trail.
However, their actions speak loud and clear. If you feel in your gut that something is wrong and things are not as they seem, you should always trust your instincts. These little urgings from your soul are there to protect you, and you should always investigate when things don’t feel right. Your new love may be keeping a secret they don’t want you to uncover.