During an argument, it’s easy to let a few insults slip, especially when you feel that you are in the right. You might even feel hurt by the argument, making it easier to speak before thinking about the result of your words. Using hurtful words during a conversation goes beyond the moment you uttered them, as they cause lasting consequences.
Hurtful words stick with the insulted person, sometimes even after they say they’ve forgiven the offender. The phrases will stay in their mind, creeping in at the most unexpected time and reminding them all over again. Not only that, but the hurtful words can harm your connection in a multitude of ways.
If you’re happy in your relationship, then you likely want it to last and thrive. However, it’ll only last if you show respect and kindness to your partner, even during arguments. From name-calling to questioning their abilities, insulting people is never the way to win a heated disagreement.
Fifteen Reasons Every Couple Should Never Use Insults During an Argument
During an argument, you and your partner should discuss ways to solve the problem together and strengthen your bond. Insulting one another will only put up a barrier and divide the two of you, potentially ruining everything you’ve built together. Remember these reasons why you should never insult your partner during an argument so that you can have a healthy relationship.
1. It Negates the Good Times
When you use insults during an argument, it negates the good times you’ve had in your relationship. The good memories will become tainted with the hurtful words, disrupting the bond the two of you share. You don’t want one moment of anger in the present to ruin all of the memories and good times you share.
Before you say something that you don’t mean, remember this reason to avoid using hurtful words. Try to keep the argument productive rather than saying things that can negatively change everything.
2. Some Insults Can’t Be Forgiven
While your partner might forgive some of your hurtful words, that may not always be the case. At some point, you’ll say something that your partner can’t ignore, or they’ll want to move on from the situation. You can’t always expect forgiveness after you’ve hurt someone.
If you want to stay in your relationship, you’ll want to avoid using any insulting words. Likewise, if your partner spews insults toward you, there might come a time when you can’t forgive them. It’s not unreasonable to end a relationship because of emotional abuse.
3. Insults May Invalidate Feelings
Insulting words can invalidate feelings and make you or your partner feel like the other doesn’t understand. Even if you don’t understand the way your partner feels, insulting them is never the way to go. Instead, try validating feelings within your relationship.
4. It’s an Act of Emotional Violence
Anytime you say something to hurt someone, it is considered an act of emotional violence. Likewise, saying demeaning things is emotional abuse, too. When you use insulting words, it’s a destructive way of belittling someone.
As a form of emotional violence, negative words can ruin the connection you’ve developed with your partner. Plus, it’ll be harder to reconnect after the argument if someone uses hurtful phrases.
5. Insults Don’t Add Anything Good or Helpful
It’s okay if you occasionally point out flaws as a way to grow together, but insulting one other is different. Criticizing or insulting your partner every time they do something can drastically hinder your relationship.
Insulting words don’t add anything good or helpful to your life or relationship. These words tend to make things worse instead. Remind yourself that any overly critical statements should be off-limits because they don’t help.
6. Insults Are Condescending
Using personal attacks to win an argument typically doesn’t work, and it’s condescending behavior. It makes it seem like you think your thoughts are better than your partner’s opinion and ideas. Plus, it implies that you don’t believe in your partner or support the things they do.
7. It Destroys Self-Esteem and Confidence
Insulting people can quickly destroy their self-esteem and confidence, even if you apologize later. Apologizing doesn’t undo the initial comment back, and it’ll stay in your partner’s mind far longer than you realize. The destructive effects are especially prevalent as a result of body-shaming.
8. It Causes a Lack of Support
It’s hard to support one another when you or your partner throws around hurtful words. While a healthy relationship involves people who can stand alone, they shouldn’t feel a complete lack of support. It’s heartbreaking when someone feels unsupported by a partner, so avoiding negative words is essential.
Emotional abuse is not only hurtful, but they also make people shut down. If you insult your partner, they might not come to you the next time they need something. They’ll turn to other people that they experience a sense of support from.
9. It Causes Defensiveness
Insulting one another is one of the worst ways to handle an argument in your relationship. When someone feels offended, it can cause defensive behavior. The insulted partner will become defensive and not want to talk about the situation anymore.
Another issue with saying hurtful things is that it can change the entire argument. Before you know it, you and your partner will be arguing about the insult instead.
10. It Creates a Lack of Trust
Your partner wants to feel like they can trust you, and the same is likely true for you. You want your partner to trust you, but they can’t if you continually insult them. They won’t feel like you’re a safe space for them, and they won’t trust you when things get complicated.
11. It Causes the Other Partner to Feel Uncared For
When you insult your partner, it causes quite a few problems that cause them to feel like you don’t care. Likewise, if your partner says insulting things to you, then you’ll start to feel like they don’t care. Both partners in the relationship should feel cared about and like they matter.
A healthy relationship requires you to care about your partner, so focus on love instead. Don’t hurt the person you’re supposed to care about when you could easily choose kindness.
12. It Causes Insecurity in the Relationship
Saying hurtful things can cause insecurity in your relationship. No one should feel like their relationship could end at any moment, but insulting one another contributes to that feeling. When you feel like your partner doesn’t value you or enjoy your company, you’re sure to feel insecure.
Healthy relationships involve feeling like your relationship is safe, even when things get tricky. Don’t cause doubt in your partner’s mind, and make it clear that you don’t want them to cause it for you, either. Harmful words are highly inappropriate behavior, no matter what the situation is.
13. Insults Show a Lack of Respect
Even when your partner gets under your skin, you should still show respect for them. Throwing around hurtful words or belittling them is not the way to do it. Anytime you say something nasty to your partner, it shows that you don’t respect them how you should.
Even if you disagree with your partner, you still must consider their feelings. Focus on having a conversation without saying mean things that you can’t take back later. Avoid inappropriate behavior and name-calling so that your partner knows you respect them.
14. It is Inconsiderate
It’s easy to say the first thoughts that come to your mind during an argument, but try to avoid them. When you say these things, you tend to regret them later, and they are inconsiderate comments.
Spewing insults will cause problems with intimacy, comfort, and closeness. Consider the way that your partner will feel about something before you say it instead.
15. It Destroys the Other Person’s Sense of Self-Worth
Any insult can destroy someone’s sense of self-worth. Hurtful words tend to make people feel like they aren’t good enough or they can’t do a good job. These words also imply that you think badly of your partner, causing them to view themselves the same way.