In a lasting relationship, couples demonstrate their love by doing things every day to support each other. Although a loving, committed couple can make a relationship look easy, it actually takes a little bit of work. In fact, ask anyone who has been in a long term relationship, life together isn’t always perfect.
Linda and Charlie Bloom, authors of, “Secrets of Great Marriages”, write about lasting couples and say that over time, “the experience of nurturing the relationship no longer feels like effort or work, but literally becomes a labor of love that feels more like a gift, a joyful opportunity for which we feel grateful and blessed.”
Here are the top 4 Habits of Lasting Couples:
1. They talk about their emotions.
One thing that lasting couples do is care for each other’s feelings by doing the emotional work that the relationship requires. Emotional work is something that we rarely hear about, but psychologists study this topic as a factor in relationship happiness.
Researchers in the “Journal of Family Issues” say that, “Family members do work to meet people’s emotional needs, improve their well-being, and maintain harmony.”
When emotional work is shared equally, both men and women have access to emotional resources in the family. However, like housework and childcare, the distribution of emotional work is gendered.’ Women are the ones who typically talk more about their feeling in a relationship, but it’s not impossible to get a man to open up too. He needs to feel sa
Researchers show how important emotional work is to healthy relationships. Partners with a gender imbalance towards expressing their feelings, tended to see an erosion of the marriage, which poses a health risk from psychological distress.
All in all, for a lasting relationship, men need to identify emotional cues from their female partner and help her to release feelings of anger/sadness/fear. When male partners can express their feelings as well as support their companions emotionally, they have one of the biggest skills needed for a lasting relationship.
2. Work on solving problems
Every day couples face challenges. Large or small, sometimes just getting coordinated to get out the door for work in the morning can be a task. Then, later in the day, the topic of what you are having for dinner and who is going to cook it can become an issue. Beyond that, larger problems come up with regard to finances, health, family planning, social commitments, etc.
Couples who have a lasting relationship make every day issues a breeze. They communicate well and problem solve. They don’t fret on the small things, they look forward to their future together. They usually share a common goal, for example retiring early or paying off the house so that they have money to travel. The more shared goals you have, the easier it can be to problem solve.
3. Communicate openly
Of course you talk to your partner, but when you are in a lasting relationship you seek to understand your other half rather than just talking to them. You express your viewpoint and ask your partner to contribute their opinion as well.
Communication is a gift that you can give your partner in the form of excellent listening skills. Misunderstandings can be a source of tension and anger in a relationship. Prevent problems by being fully present when your partner is speaking. Eliminate distractions, make eye contact and do not wait to speak. Ask questions about what your partner said and restate their words so they know that you truly understand them.
The importance of excellent communication cannot be overstated for lasting couples. Open communication is also the basis of trust. Lasting couples do not hide things from their partner.
4. Create a shared special moment
Successful business leaders know that reviewing the workday to find the lessons learned is an excellent practice to follow. In a strong relationship with your romantic partner, you should also look back to see how your day went as a couple.
Was there a learning experience that you can apply right now? Did your partner smile or laugh with you today? Are you free of worries or is there something you need to get off your chest? What one thing would make your day together even better?
Creating one special moment each day with your love is not difficult. All it takes is knowing your partner well and finding the right moment to connect with them deeply. Think right now of one thing that your partner likes that you can give them.
For example, you might share a private joke while watching your favorite movie. The special moment could be when you sense your partner’s tension and give them a backrub. Maybe your special moment is a cuddle in bed together. These small, but significantly intimate moments are what make a lasting couple blissfully connected.
Final Thoughts: Reaffirm your commitment to your partner
This may sound corny, but really, each day that you choose to stay with your partner, you are making a conscious commitment to them. Let’s face it, you do have free will and you could choose to find another partner. The fact that you don’t do that is a very important decision that you have barely even been aware of making.
These four habits are reaffirming your commitment to your partner every single day. When you lack action in these areas, you are not staying true to your commitment.
Gratitude is everything. Simple statements like, “Thank you for continuing to stay committed to me,” is very powerful.
When things get tough, and they will, bring your awareness to the reasons you stay with your partner. Think about the importance of your relationship and how you have managed to be a lasting couple, no matter how long you have lasted so far. Keep going, stay strong and committed, the best is yet to come!