Quick question: Have you ever wondered what makes someone highly attractive?
It’s a commonplace thing for us to emphasize certain things – intelligence, looks, humor, etc. – and for a good reason. Human beings are wired to search for specific attributes in someone else when determining who we invite into our lives.
But for many of us, we can’t quite articulate what makes someone attractive. Many of us “just know.”
Call it a gut feeling or intuition, but we know it when we feel it.
The law of attraction is this: You don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are. – Dr. Wayne Dyer
What is attraction?
The attraction is a broad and complex thing. In an article in Psychology Today, Lawrence Josephs Ph.D. explains that appeal stretches beyond the physical realm. Many social and personal traits contribute to whether someone perceives you as highly attractive.
Attraction can be intimate or spiritual, physical or emotional, rational or irrational.
Some of us are attracted to people that ultimately end up hurting us, a fact that is perplexing and inexplicably inviting at the same time. Indeed, some of us are attracted to people that imitate our values, aspirations, and purpose.
Some of our inclinations and thoughts evolve, including what makes someone attractive or unattractive.
Individualistic tendencies aside, certain behaviors tend to attract more people than they repel.
Here are seven positive habits of highly attractive people:
Most of us would agree that spending time with negative and pessimistic people is not something we’d enjoy. We’re repelled by these types of behaviors, which are unattractive, to say the least.
On the other hand, we appreciate the people who display genuinely positive behaviors and actions in our lives. This leads us to the topic at hand: what makes for an attractive personality.
A study performed by the University of Kansas asked 300 students to complete a survey for their opinions on humor and potential partners.
The results suggested the following:
- The participants believe a sense of humor suggests a pleasant personality.
- Males use humor to break the ice and discern a woman’s level of interest in them.
- The students believe in a cultural bias of males telling funny jokes and women laughing at their humor.
- A shared joke can be the starting point of a beautiful relationship.
But it might be simpler than that.
This life can be challenging at times. We’re faced with various challenges that test even the strongest among us. As such, the ability to ease up and laugh once in a while is an important attribute.
This laughter can be directed towards others or ourselves, as long as there are good intentions behind such actions. Needless to say, a sense of humor is incredibly attractive – both in friends and potential mates. Who wants to be around a stiff all the time?
2. Passion for life
Most of us appreciate the passion that others embody. Passion breeds purpose, which in turn generates direction and enthusiasm. To say that life is nothing without a passionate outlook is not an overstatement. We all need something to live for, even struggle for.
Passion is attractive because it’s often selfless. We can navigate the turbulence of life when we deeply believe in a purpose – be it friends, family, love, work, or something else.
Moreover, this zest for life remains a positive trait throughout life. The Journal of Social Psychology conducted an intergenerational study. They found that passionate people of all ages experienced less anxiety and maintained happier relationships for life.
3. Decision-making ability
Decisiveness is attractive because it shows a sense of direction. This attribute is perhaps most attractive in a potential mate, as the ability to make a difficult decision is something that will ultimately come about. That’s because one partner’s choices directly impact the other’s.
Good decision-makers are more likely to weigh the consequences of long-term outcomes. For example, they look ahead to what might happen if they cheat on a partner. Or, they consider if their partner will be happy before accepting a job transfer to a new city.
Highly attractive people consider themselves and their partners when they make those choices that impact their lives.
Rashness, on the other hand, is not attractive. Rational decisiveness is an engaging and increasingly uncommon trait to find in someone else.
Kind people might not even realize how alluring they are to those around them.
We strive to be around people that are kind towards others. For many of us, not only is it an attraction but a requirement.
This means being kind to strangers and friends alike. Showing empathy and displaying random acts of kindness is what it means to be a good human being.
Here are some of the small actions that reveal a kindhearted person:
- Volunteer work at a food bank or animal shelter
- Doing thoughtful things for others, like holding the door open for someone
- Showing respect to all other people
- Using good manners
- Checking in on an elderly neighbor
A kind individual wants to do these things. They see these actions as part of who they are, not something they must do.
5. An open mind
Closed-mindedness is a sign of ignorance. Indeed, most of us detest people who display this trait. Why do many of us think of politics and organized religion as emotionally draining?
Among many reasons is the division created between groups of people. An open mind can resolve many of these divisions if only we’d be willing to examine the notion as a society more widely.
As far as relationships, many find an open-minded person highly attractive because it signals a willingness to grow together–both as individuals and as a couple. Relationships present unique struggles and opportunities to learn and grow.