Breaking up with your partner is like a death. It’s almost impossible to move on as if nothing happened. You both have been uprooted out of the ground into a new chapter in life. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions as you go through the process. We have a few ways to grieve the loss of your love relationship.
You’ll Face Five Stages as You Grieve Your Lost Relationship
The Kübler-Ross model of grief, also known as “The Five Stages of Grief,” explains what happens to our minds during the five stages after we lose something or someone special.
These stages are anger, bargaining, denial, sadness, and acceptance. You don’t necessarily grieve in any specific order. Sometimes you experience a stage multiple times.
During the grieving process, you may deny the person is gone from your life. You might get angry wondering what you could have done differently. Or, you might bargain with a higher power to help them come back to you.
Once you realize this is not going to work, you might feel depressed. You start listening to sad songs and watching old home videos. Finally, you usually just accept this person is gone from your life. Sometimes we get stuck in denial thinking no one will ever love us again.
These stages have no time limit. It’s up to you when you decide to accept the loss and move on with your life. The truth is that you probably will fall in love again. You just have to give yourself time.
11 Ways to Take Care of Yourself as You Grieve for the Love You Lost
1 – Don’t Overthink
You may find yourself returning to the relationship a million times in your mind. You might start wondering where you went wrong. When we do this, we start to think we should go back. There’s a reason you broke up. No matter how many good times you had, there’s a reason underneath it all that the relationship is done. Don’t think about it all of the time. It’s time to hang out with yourself and move down the road. This doesn’t mean you won’t feel anything. You will still feel the stages of loss and you will grieve, but it means you don’t start playing the reel of your relationship in your head.
2 – Take Time To Detox
Many people deal with the loss of a love relationship by jumping into the next relationship. This doesn’t help you deal with any of the feelings left behind. The best thing you can do is have a period of detox. This means you take time to reflect and recharge your “love batteries.” You don’t need to date or pursue others at this time. You don’t need to go home with people from the bar. You need to focus on yourself. Before you get into a new relationship, you need to be 100% ready. You need to have a clear head on your shoulders. It’s only fair to you and the next person. If not, you will bring your drama into the next relationship.
3 – It Is Okay to Be Selfish While You Grieve
Love is often selfless. We put the other person above us. It’s time to be selfish once that relationship is over. Get out of bed when you feel like it. Go to the store without telling anyone. Stay out as late as you want. You get control of the remote watching whatever show you feel. You don’t have to answer to anyone. This is one of the only times in life when you get a pass to be selfish.
4 – Lean On Others
It’s okay to feel sadness with your support system. Lean on those you love to get out your feelings and emotions. When you want to cry and grieve, call up your best friend. Get those emotions out. You might need to yell at someone about the anger you’re feeling.
When someone you love passes away, people flock to you in support. They know this is the same during this love loss. They know sometimes it’s important to just be there sitting by you as you vent.
A hug is sometimes the best therapy available.
5 – Do Things You Enjoy
After a loss, it’s always best to find your smile again. Do things you love. Your self-esteem and heart might be bashed. When you do things that you love, you will feel happiness again. You might even forget for a few minutes that you’re going through a tough time.
You’ll actually learn to fall in love with yourself when you do things you love. You get to feel happy and enjoy a smile again. Whether it’s reading a book, going to the movies, playing a game of tennis or singing along with your guitar, do something you love.
6 – Let Go Of Emotional Baggage
Breakups leave big, ugly scars. If you don’t tend to these scars, they just look even scarier. It’s important to not dwell on the negative emotional baggage. You must learn to feel the pain then move on with a positive outlook. You’re able to decrease your amount of suffering by finding the lining in the clouds.
When you can tell yourself that “maybe it didn’t work out for a reason,” you’ll be able to move forward. If you get stuck in the negative emotional baggage of the relationship, it’ll be tough to move forward. You might face depression. You’re going to feel sadness and grieve some days. You’ll get triggered by a couple holding hands.
The important thing is to think of the positives in your break up. Remember why you broke up. By doing so, you’ll help your mind prepare for the next step in life.
7 – Forgive Yourself
Grieving means having to forgive yourself. It’s hard to let go. You blame yourself for every little thing. You might think everything was all your fault when it takes two to tango. Look back and think about both of your actions.
Think of the reasons why it didn’t work out. Even if you did things wrong, you have to let go of the blame. You cannot move on until you forgive yourself and grow from the experience as a whole.
8 – Don’t Shut The Door On Love
Many times people that get out of a relationship will say they’ll “never” date again. They swear off all relationships. You should never speak in absolutes.
It didn’t work out with your ex for a reason. This doesn’t mean love isn’t going to work in the future. You’re burned right now. You have to get through this tough time and leave love open in the future. If you lose faith, you could be missing out.
There is a right time for your love.
One day you might find them when you least expect it. Until then, you focus on yourself. Don’t turn your head to anyone that tries to set you up. One day you’ll realize you’re ready again. In the beginning, it’s natural to think of speaking in absolutes.
9 – Don’t Seek Revenge
When you’re grieving, you often feel anger. You just want to hurt the other person because you’re hurting. Don’t seek revenge. Being angry and seeking revenge will not solve anything. It will make you seem petty and immature. Don’t trash talk them to your friends and family. Just accept they are gone, and accept that you don’t need to do anything about it. There’s a reason they aren’t with you anymore. You don’t need to go out and hurt them to dig the dagger even deeper into both of your hearts.
10 – Comfort Yourself
Remember there is no time limit to grieving. In the beginning, you might find it hard to even get out of bed. Take it a second at a time. Eat that pint of ice cream if you feel. Watch that sappy movie. Let your friends come over while you cry into their lap. You don’t have to be okay.
One day you’re going to be able to get out of bed. And, of course, someday you’re going to smile again. Your life was thrown into a blender. It’s okay to feel that pain. Always remember it’s okay to grieve.
11 – See The Differences
One of the best things that happen once you get through the grieving, you’ll realize there is a difference between a breakup and a death. When someone dies, it’s final. When you break up with someone, you get both get through it alive. You get to rise above it. One day you might see them walking along the street, and you won’t cry.
You’ll realize one day that you’re able to move forward. This breakup was the demise of that particular love relationship, but it’s not the final stage of love for you. One day soon, you’ll embrace living life to its fullest once again.
It’s important to take time to grieve after any loss. A breakup is a loss that turns your world upside down. Once you face the truth of this loss and think through it, you’ll be able to move on. It might feel like you’re dying inside, but you’re about to live in the next chapter. Take time for yourself, then turn the page to the next chapter in life.