When you were in your late teens or early twenties, you probably heard there’s nothing better than being friends with benefits with someone hot. If you are still young, you probably have been FWB with someone, and maybe you even liked it.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with having such a relationship. It even works for some people. The problem is how society romanticizes this situation. Everyone describes it as a way to be free while still having someone. But that’s contradictory. Some magic would have to be involved for that to be possible. So, people get into these types of relationships and wind up heartbroken.
Being in such a relationship is fine if that’s what you want. But the concept is inherently flawed. It promises all the benefits, with no disadvantages. So, it just lures people into a situation unsuitable for them. Plus, even though you might not believe it, you deserve more than being friends with benefits.
What Does It Mean to Be Friends With Benefits With Someone?
If you are a Millennial or part of Gen Z, you are familiar with the idea of having a friend with benefits. But, for those who don’t know, here’s a brief explanation.
Essentially, having a friend with benefits (or FWB) is supposed to be like being in a relationship without commitment and love. Your FWB is someone you regularly sleep with. You might even hang out and go on pseudo dates together. But you aren’t in an actual relationship. You aren’t exclusive, and you don’t consider each other partners. This works for some because you can technically have all the benefits of a relationship without any disadvantages.
Because you do not commit, the connection feels like a safe space. You can vent to your FWB if you’re having a bad day. But because you don’t have romantic feelings for each other, your situation won’t ever cause additional issues.
Sure, if you hear this about being friends with benefits with someone, it sounds fantastic. A relationship, but without the responsibilities and struggles. Just having fun and hanging out with someone. Who wouldn’t want that? If this were possible outside of your imagination, everyone would do it. But this concept has one inherent flaw: people are not robots–we have emotions.
Sure, for some people, having an FWB might be convenient. But those people are part of a minority. Most people want to have a real, meaningful connection with someone. They want a relationship but have to settle for having a friend with benefits. This is the new trend when it comes to relationships, so this is what people are going to do. Even if they want more, they’ll still do it because of how falsely it’s advertised.
So, they end up being friends with benefits with someone. In that case, one of two things can happen. Either they get bored because they are romantically unsatisfied or catch feelings. You could argue that not much harm was done in the first case. Those people just lost a little bit of time, and that’s all. But in the second case, that’s where it gets tricky. Sure, in a dream world, you could confess your feelings, your FWB will reciprocate, and you’ll live happily ever after. But your heart will get broken if they don’t feel the same or aren’t ready for real commitment.
4 Reasons Why You Deserve More Than Being Friends With Benefits
No matter how attractive having a friend with benefits seems, it will lead nowhere. You have no real future with an FWB. And, worst case, you might end up with your heart broken. If you’re still not convinced, here’s why you deserve more than being friends with benefits.
1 – You Deserve Commitment
Being in a relationship means that two people promise to stick by one another. It means that the two of you commit to building something together. But that can never happen if you have a friend with benefits. You’ll have fun, but you’ll also waste your time. When you are both equally committed to being together, that’s when you’ll feel fulfilled.
Being friends with benefits means there is no commitment at all. You spend all that time with someone, only for them to leave you hanging when things get complicated. They will not stick by you, especially if you need help getting out of a sticky situation. Usually, these people bail when things aren’t fun and breezy. The main issue is that they have no moral need to reciprocate even if you are there for them.
Even if you always help them out, they make no promise to do the same for you. So, there will always be an unequal dedication level in these situations. After all, they made you no promise, so why should they make an effort? But that’s not what you need in life. You need someone dedicated to sticking by you. So, when someone suggests being FWB, don’t entertain the idea.
2 – You Deserve Respect, Not a Mere FWB
If someone wants to be friends with benefits, they tell you they don’t like you enough to be with you. In some cases, people are not ready for relationships. But those people will not want to have an FWB either. So, if someone tells you that they like you but can’t make things official, they are leading you on. If they genuinely respected you, they would want to have something real with you, not just a fling.
Sure, it’s nice to have casual hook-ups from time to time. But, if someone wants you to invest the time to be FWB, but doesn’t want a relationship, don’t take them up on the offer. You deserve someone who truly respects you. And that person will prove that they think highly of you by wanting to be with you for real. They won’t try to take the easy way out and have as few responsibilities as possible.
When someone respects you, they gladly make the effort to see you happy. But for romantic fulfillment, you need someone who does more than sleep with you. You need someone who will be with you no matter your circumstances.
3 – You Deserve More Care Than You Get in a Friends With Benefits Situation
A friend with benefits might sound great because it does not require deep emotional involvement. But do you want to be repeatedly intimate with someone who doesn’t care about you? Chances are, given a choice, you’d like someone who will genuinely care about you. Plus, you have the certainty that your partner cares in a relationship.
You don’t risk emotional attachment without reciprocation. In a relationship, your partner has to prove that they care through words and actions. Not only do they have to, but a good partner will want to. And that’s what you deserve. You deserve to go on dates instead of having someone reach out only for intimacy.
You deserve someone with you because they like who you are- someone who appreciates how you look, think, and act. A partner will want you to be part of their life and will make you feel special. And that’s what you should be looking for.
4 – You Deserve Something That Will Last
There are many reasons why friends with benefits don’t become something more. For once, there’s a high chance that your FWB has some side pieces. Or maybe you are the side piece, which is even worse. Besides, there’s no talk of a future or plans for a period longer than a few days. Sure, you might decide to go to the movies on Friday. But you won’t ever talk about what you want your future to look like.
After all, that’s not part of the deal. And, again, there’s the problem of you not liking each other or being incompatible. Essentially, having an FWB is a waste of time. It can become an even bigger waste if you try to put in some effort. So, all you get out of it is some fun, but you must deal with all the negative aspects.
You deserve to be with someone who is sure they want to be with you and who’ll plan a future together. A real couple starts to intertwine their life quickly. They might be living together or married in just a few years. Maybe that’s not your dream, and you want something more chill. Then, you can find a partner who suits you and shares your views.
But you’ll never have any future with an FWB. So, please don’t waste your time nurturing it. Instead, put yourself out there and find someone who won’t waste your time.
Final Thoughts on Some Reasons Why You Deserve More Than Being Friends With Benefits
Don’t be fooled by how good the concept sounds in reality. You’re either friends with someone or you’re with them. There’s no feasible in between, no matter how much we want. So not only is the concept of being friends with benefits flawed, but it’s also not worth your time. Even if it would work, you’d be better off looking for something real.
If you want respect from your partner and to have a real connection, you need a real relationship. You deserve steadfast commitment, not just some fling. So go out and have fun, but don’t get yourself tied up in a friends-with-benefits situation. The only thing that will happen is you’ll get your heaty broken. If you get lucky, you’ll only get bored. But that still means you wasted your time.
If you want a hook-up, go for a real one. Otherwise, put yourself on the market and look for real love. You deserve love and to find something with prospects for the future. And having an FWB will not give you what you want.