In today’s world of quick dating, long lists of ex-partners, and “disposable” relationship mentalities. Those who find someone special know how to fix a relationship and may put every effort into ensuring the flourishing of that relationship. That’s a beautiful thing!
But sometimes, a relationship that has potential needs to be brought to an end. We must remember that relationships should make us happy, not drag us down. Learning when to break up with a partner is an integral part of taking care of yourself; sometimes, that’s the breath of fresh air you need. Here are six times it’s okay not to fix a relationship.
1. If Your Dynamic Is Unbalanced and Unhealthy, Don’t Fix a Relationship
A relationship’s dynamic must be healthy and positive overall to be a happy partnership. Issues with the balance between partners can break a relationship to the point where there’s no way to fix it. Here are some signs that this is happening to your relationship:
· You Feel Like Expressing Needs Makes You Needy
You cannot tell your partner what you want in the relationship because you feel needy, clingy, or like “too much” for asking for it. There’s nothing healthy that can come from a dynamic like this one. It’s a severe communication breakdown, and you’ll ultimately be unhappy.
· You Break Up To Make Up To Break Up Again
The dynamic of breaking up and getting back together indicates that some issues in your relationship might never get resolved. This is even worse if one party keeps insisting on keeping the relationship together while the other keeps leaving. Ultimately, this pattern won’t end until something changes. Indeed, it’s unlikely that anything good will come of it. There might not be any point in fixing a relationship like this.
· If You Feel Bad Around Your Partner, Then Don’t Fix a Relationship
Your partner is someone who you should feel good around. If being around them drains you, makes you feel uncomfortable or sad, or feels “off,” it’s time to end things.
· You Don’t Feel Supported In Bad Times
When you’re happy, and everything’s good, you feel loved. But the second you go through a rough time in your life, your partner seems to be distant. You don’t have their support when you truly need it and when it matters most. That’s not a partnership you want to keep.
· There’s Too Much Pressure To Change
All relationships require change and growth on a personal level from each partner. And there are, of course, some negative behaviors that do require change and are necessary for a healthy relationship. But if both parties in a relationship feel unreasonable pressure to change something that isn’t crucial to a partnership, that’s a toxic dynamic that must end.
· You Only Feel Good When You’re Together
A codependent attachment can mean you only feel happy with your partner. You become overly dependent on each other to an unhealthy degree, born from an insecure attachment style. These relationships are toxic and can harm you if not fixed or ended.
2. Don’t Fix a Relationship Once Conflict Is No Longer Constructive
Conflict is part and parcel of any relationship, but for it to be constructive, something productive has to come out of it. You and your partner have to handle and navigate conflict positively without communication breakdown.
Once conflict stops being constructive, there may not be a way to fix a relationship. You need to hash things out healthily and handle disagreements with either compromise or positivity. Here are signs of unconstructive conflict that means it’s time for things to come to an end:
· Non-Stop Fighting Might Mean It’s Okay Not to Fix a Relationship
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that non-stop fighting is a terrible sign for a relationship. Serious, continual, constant conflict creates an environment of chaos that is unstable and unhealthy. These types of relationships are best left behind.
· Constant Defensiveness
Defensiveness is a terrible sign for a relationship’s longevity, yet it’s widespread. To resolve issues, partners must be willing to put down their walls, accept accountability, and listen to each other with the goal of respect and understanding. Overly defensive partners change the narrative, making it so that they’re always the victim of perceived wrongdoing by the other party. It’s just not healthy.
· No More Fighting At All
The Gottman Institute, which is home to experts in relationships, explains that a complete lack of conflict can be a negative sign. It can mean communication breakdown, where both partners no longer feel like resolving problems or bringing up issues. They may think that there’s no point or that they no longer want to fix a relationship at all, in which case that’s a sign of the end.
3. Don’t Fix a Relationship if Your Priorities Don’t Match Up
Partners in a relationship have to be somewhere on the same page. This means having similar priorities for each other and the future. If these priorities aren’t in line, that can spawn negativity and damage a relationship. It’s not easy to willingly change preferences, too, so if that doesn’t seem to be happening, it may be best not to fix a relationship. This may occur in the following ways.
· You’re No Longer Each Other’s Priority
A long-term, committed relationship requires that both parties consider each other a priority. If you feel like you need to compete with your partner’s friends, family members, work, or hobbies for their attention, it might be time for things to draw to a close.
· You’re Not Willing To Compromise
When two unique individuals come together, there are bound to be moments where there can’t be actual win-win situations. Both parties must be willing to compromise now and then or make reasonable, balanced sacrifices. If neither of you is willing to do that, or if only one person ever does, the relationship may be better off dead.
· Your Goals Don’t Align
Before you even get into a long-term relationship with someone, you should both be on a similar page about the future. This is especially true for having kids, future home locations, and other similar subjects. If you reach a point where these goals no longer line up feasibly, it’s okay not to fix a relationship. You will both be happier when you can follow your dreams!
4. Don’t Fix a Relationship Once There’s No More Respect
A healthy relationship cannot exist without respect. If you or your partner have lost respect for each other, you shouldn’t try to fix a relationship, as there’s no foundation to fix anything on. Signs of a lack of concern may be as follows:
· There’s Constant Criticism
Occasional constructive criticism and communication about problems are acceptable. Constant, non-stop negativity over every small thing is not. It shows that you don’t respect each other and don’t love each other for who you are. There’s not much point in trying to fix a relationship filled with this type of feedback.
· It’s Not Possible To Agree To Disagree
Respecting a partner also means respecting their values and opinions, even when disagreeing. Trying to sway each other to see things your way is unlikely to end well. Instead of trying to fix a relationship where you don’t have these core things in common, seek partners with similar values to you where it matters.
· If There’s Contempt, Don’t Fix a Relationship
Contempt in a relationship is the surest sign that things should be over. Hatred, resentment, and actively seeking to harm the other or taking pleasure in their pain means it’s time to call it quits. What kind of a relationship even is that?
5. Don’t Fix a Relationship If You Have an Abusive Partner
Toxic relationships are already bad enough for partnerships that shouldn’t be fixed. There’s something so dangerous about the self-perpetuating cycle of toxic partners coming together, fueling each other’s negativity. Thus, you may develop a codependent relationship.
However, things get even worse when one or both partners are abusive. In many cases, one abusive individual in a relationship maintains an envelope of control over the other. They can keep their partner in the relationship by promising to change, love-bombing, or convincing their partner that nothing is wrong.
The fact of this matter is simple. It would help if you did not try to fix an abusive relationship. If you determine that your partner is abusing you, you should make plans to leave as quickly as possible. Once someone has escalated their negative behavior to abuse, they cannot work through those issues safely. Get out and seek help.
6. You Don’t Feel The Same Anymore
We often have an idea of breakups that involve explosive screaming matches, cheating partners, deception at every corner, and dramatic slammings of doors. But, in reality, sometimes a relationship runs its course with an odd sort of peace. You both change, grow, and realize that you’re no longer in love.
Partners who have been together for a long time may try to work through this difficulty, but it’s also okay to decide to end things calmly. Here are some signs that you don’t feel the same, and it may be time to call it quits:
· You Don’t Laugh Together Anymore
Humor exists in varying levels in different relationships, but laughing together is a part of most healthy partnerships. It’s a sign that you bring each other happiness and joy. The relationship may have run its course when you can no longer laugh together.
· You Try Not To Spend Time Together
Different couples have different commitments, so not everyone has the same time to spend together. But what matters, at the day’s end, is that you carve out time to be together, even if it’s just for an hour each night. A little distance in a relationship isn’t unusual sometimes, but you should still be getting together. If you keep avoiding your partner and don’t want to spend time with them, that’s a huge sign that things need to end. Once you start making excuses to stay away, you know it’s over, and that’s okay.
· You Don’t See A Future Together Anymore
Many couples indeed need time to figure out their desired shared future correctly. Things only start going downhill when you start imagining a future without them. If you’ve stopped wanting to grow together and can’t imagine being in each other’s lives after a few years, breaking up is your best option.
Final Thoughts On Some Times It’s Okay To Not To Fix A Relationship
You can’t save every relationship. Nor are you necessarily obligated to work on a partnership that has caused you a lot of pain. If you’d like to seek help with your partner, counseling and therapy on both individual and couples levels can help. But, at the same time, there’s wisdom in knowing when it’s time to let go.