Men are simple creatures, or at least in our minds. We want to Fix, Fight, and F—, and not necessarily in that order. We have a hard time processing our own emotions, much less the feelings of others. So we tend to chug along like a train moving down our selected path, steadily pulling a lot of weight behind us. And so, men make mistakes in their relationships.
Women, on the other hand, are pilots in their acrobatic aircraft. While they are not the most efficient mode of transportation, the ride is thrilling and exciting. They are all over the place and revel in twists and turns. We revel in our strength and work while women zip around, driven by their passions. The biggest mistakes men make are in not understanding our partners and what they need from us.
NOTE: We acknowledge that women also make miscalculations–check out their common errors in our separate article.
Eighteen Common Mistakes Men Make in Their Relationships
If issues creep into all your relations, it could be due to some harmful actions you’ve developed. Here are the ten biggest mistakes men make in relationships, and it’s time to evaluate and make some changes. Note: We are aware that women, too, have ways they can err in their romantic lives. However, female behaviors generally differ from the mistakes men make–and we cover those errors in a separate article.
1. They Think They’re The Sea And Not The Mountain
Like a mountain, solid, stable, and safe men attract more women. You can shelter under a mountain against a storm. The hill is seemingly forever. On the other hand, the sea is unpredictable, dangerous, and constantly changing. Women tend to be like the sea in that its depths are unknowable, and their emotions are as ever-changing and irresistible as the tides. That is probably why women often prefer the mountains and men love to sit by the sea. When men act like the sea and not themselves, it throws women off and scares them with our dangerous unpredictability.
2. Men Try To Control The Wind
The wind drives sea states, and women are driven by their emotions. When you are on a ship at sea, you cannot control the wind, and when you are in a relationship with a woman, you cannot control her emotions either. The best thing you can do is ride out the storm as best you can. If you try to sail against it, you will get pounded and broken. When a woman is in the throes of powerful emotions, it is best not to try and stop them or control them but ride them out with her. Provide a sheltered harbor where she can seek refuge from her storms.
3. Guys Don’t Admit Their Fears
Another one of the mistakes men make (though they don’t admit it!) is showing fear.
Some women like to have safety and security. When we are afraid or insecure, they can smell it. Whether we are scared of commitment, trying new things, or afraid of her, they will know and be turned off by it. Everyone fears something, but the key is not to let the fear show through. Courage is not the absence of fear but the act of overcoming fear. If we are courageous, they will see it and be comforted. Women want a hero who will fight at their side, not a coward who hides behind them.
4. They Succumb To Target Fixation
Men tend to focus like a laser on their objectives. We find a target, hunt it down, and take it. We do not multi-task very well. That’s because we tend to fixate on that target to the exclusion of everything else. Whether that target is work, sports, or something else, we can take our women for granted by not acknowledging them. Spread your attention around and ensure you find a balance between work and your partner. They need attention too, and if we don’t give it to them, they will find someone who does.
5. Guys Invest Too Heavily In One Place
Like target fixation, we men tend to invest in the places where we will see the biggest payoff. That may be work, hobbies, or something else. We need to have a diverse portfolio, if you will. We must invest time and energy in our partners, work, and recreational pursuits. Women who feel too interested in work or hobbies will feel neglected and unwanted. So, spread the love around.
6. They Are Indecisive
Be bold and decisive. Women love a man who can make a decision. To them, it is a sign of strength and responsibility. When we refuse to make a decision, we are avoiding responsibility for that decision. Please don’t put it off; make that decision and live by it. Being decisive is a sign of stability and commitment. Both of these things are desirable for women because it means a safe and stable family environment. An assertive man is a strong and stable one. Indecision is tantamount to weakness and instability.
7. They Are Oblivious To Her Emotions
We are sometimes oblivious to women’s emotional states because we are often oblivious to our emotional states. We don’t care that much about how we feel about things. It isn’t essential to us, so why is it so important to women? Because emotions drive them. It isn’t something that occasionally happens to them; it IS them. Try to be more alert to their feelings and be there to comfort and shelter them rather than try to fix them. They don’t need fixing; they need acceptance.
8. They Want To Fix Things That Aren’t Broken
Men are natural fixers. We like fixing things. If we see a broken item, it becomes an underachieved goal, and we must reach that goal if we can. Repairing something makes us feel like we accomplished something. We feel better about ourselves and the universe when things are fixed and put back into order. Women are not things to be fixed. We cannot fix the things they come to us with emotionally. They may seem distressed and bubbling over with emotions, and we naturally want to improve that situation and make it better and more ordered. They don’t come to us with this stuff to fix. They want to be comforted and validated. So don’t try to fix it; listen and try to understand.
9. Some Keep Secrets in the Relationship
Part of being in a committed relationship is sharing things. Did you know that keeping secrets is a form of lying? You’re being dishonest about something by not telling her.
It’s referred to as the “sin of omission” in James 4:17. The Bible states that someone who knows to do right and doesn’t do it sins. While you’re not going to be stoned like in Biblical days, it certainly can put distance between you and your partner.
You’re shutting them out when you hide things about yourself that they have every right to know. Being in a committed relationship means you can tell them everything, and you’re free to be vulnerable. The problem is that if the things you hide are significant and they find out, it could be the reason they walk away.
10. Guys Don’t Communicate as Well as Women
Communication is one of the biggest mistakes men make with their partners. Women are better communicators by nature, and they’re also better at reading verbal cues than men. However, that doesn’t mean that a man is off the hook because it’s not something they are comfortable doing.
Gary Smalley, the author of Making Love Last Forever, addresses this issue in his book. A woman speaks over 25,000 words daily, but a man only speaks around 12,000. It’s proven that men have less to say than their counterparts, but you must use your words wisely.
Learning to communicate is imperative, especially when women value this dialogue with their partners. You can’t expect to have a healthy connection with one another if communication is lacking.
11. Not Spending Enough Time with Their Partner
Men must understand that women need to be nurtured and attention. While it’s okay to go out, hang with your buddies, and spend time apart, you must make sure things like date night are top priorities. A lady won’t stay in a situation where she doesn’t feel valued, respected, and wanted, and plenty of other guys will give her the time she desires.
12. Men Get Too Comfortable Too Fast
While feeling comfortable with your partner is great, you want to take your time with things. Bad habits like passing gas, burping, or leaving the lid up on the toilet seat are things you do once you’re in a committed relationship.
There still needs to be some mystery between you in the beginning, and you need to be more secure in your connection before you spring all these habits on her.
13. Focus on Lust Rather Than True Intimacy
Being together feels amazing, and lust is a part of any connection. The beginning seems to be more special as everything is new and fresh. However, one of the biggest mistakes guys make is focusing on the act rather than the intimacy.
Intimacy is more than linking physically, as it’s about your souls connecting on a higher plane. Your lady desires those intimate moments where you hold her, look deep into her eyes, and kiss her like she’s the most treasured person on earth. Anyone can have a physical relationship but having a spiritual one brings things to another level.
14. Never Apologizing or Admitting They’re Wrong
You have a macho side that doesn’t want to admit when you’re wrong, but you must learn humility. If you’ve done something that’s hurt her or caused an issue, you must be brave enough to stand up and admit wrongdoing.
According to a study conducted by the Greater Good Science Center at Berkley University, the number one reason why men don’t admit fault is they lack self-awareness. Some guys have a blind spot and don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. It’s essential to accept responsibility and apologize. The most powerful words you can learn in your relationships are “I’m sorry.”
15. Let Past Hurts Dictate Current Circumstances
Everyone comes into a relationship with a certain amount of baggage from the past. If you had a partner previously that lied, cheated, stole, or did some other horrible things to you, it’s only natural that you would be a little leery of opening your heart once again. The problem with letting the baggage weigh you down like this is that you’re casting a shadow of doubt over your current partner.
The lady you’re with now may be the perfect person for you, and she might never do those things that a previous woman did. However, you will push her away if you judge her by what other people did to you. You need to learn to release emotional baggage, and counseling with a qualified therapist can help you let go of things and focus on healing.
16. Men Don’t Plan for the Future
Men look at the here and now with little forethought for the future. Consequently, when your girl met you, she already had her dream home, your kids’ names, and your future. While one party tends to push the envelope one way, the other person goes too far the other way.
There must be a way to meet in the middle. Some relationships aren’t meant to last long, and others are written in the stars. It would help if you let your partner know your intentions upfront so that she knows what to expect.
While you don’t have to start planning a wedding on the first date, you will know soon enough if this person is your future. Making plans for tomorrow is essential, as the days sneak up on you quickly.
17. Lies and Relationships Are a Toxic Mix
Never, ever lie to your partner. Even a little white lie can have huge repercussions. Always be honest, even when it’s hurtful. Statistics reveal that the average person lies 1.65 times each day.
Most lies are told because a person is anxious and afraid. The problem with lying is that it breaks trust; it’s hard to rebuild once you break trust with your partner.
18. Some Men Cheat
Cheating on your partner sends all sorts of messages to her that she’s not enough. The most common reason people cheat has nothing to do with their partner and it’s more about issues within themselves. However, she will see that infidelity as a red flag that she’s done something wrong. She will blame herself, even if it wasn’t her fault.
Cheating is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship, as it destroys the other person’s esteem and breaks trust. According to a study by Health Research Funding, men are 74% more likely to cheat than women, and 60 % of all infidelity starts at the place of employment. Though the odds aren’t in your favor, you can be part of the 26% of men who don’t fall into this trap.
Final Thoughts on the Mistakes Men Make in Relationships
Making mistakes is part of being a human, as there’s no such thing as a perfect person. Accidentally buying bread when there’s a new loaf in the pantry is a blunder you can handle. Consequently, some men make more serious mistakes, and when it comes to relationships, these wrongdoings aren’t so forgivable.
Being in a relationship means that you learn and grow each day. If you’ve been in a toxic situation before, you know what to avoid in your next partner. Some guys have a challenging time settling down and finding the right person.
If you’ve noticed that your relationships don’t last long, are troubling, or don’t have any substance, it could be that you’re the problem. Men make mistakes in their relationships. Admitting that you’re to blame for things in your love life is a bitter pill, but the good news is that you can fix it. You must work for love and happiness, but it’s worth your effort.