Many of us settle in our lives, giving in when we know that we deserve more. We settle into a relationship and don’t demand the treatment we know we should get. However, life doesn’t have to be this way.
You shouldn’t have to settle for the love you deserve to have, and you can make a change within your current relationship. Take a look at your love life and think about your happiness levels. If something needs to change, it’s up to you to ask for it.
When you recognize that you deserve more, you must speak up and tell your partner what you need. They won’t know unless you tell them, and your happiness depends on it.
Seven Things You Deserve in a Relationship
1. Mutual Trust and Respect
These are two things that you cannot buy or acquire. They grow with authenticity in a relationship and are necessary to feel at ease.
To have trust and respect, you must also be trustworthy and respectful. You cannot receive what you don’t have in yourself. Love yourself, respect yourself, trust in yourself, and the rest will follow.
“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.” – Steve Hall
When you connect with your joy, the right person falls in alignment with you. Happiness arrives through the simplest forms in relationships. The grace of joy is a state of mind, and when you walk along with a partner who lifts you, the world is just sweeter.
You can overcome anything, and loving relationships won’t zap your happiness. They have happy couples that bring out the best in each other.
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
3. Humor and Inside Jokes
In a loving relationship, you should have an abundance of laughter. It heals emotional wounds and encourages couples to stay together.
There is enough anger and stress out in the world. When you are with someone who can make you laugh at yourself, you are in the company of freedom.
You deserve to be open and joyous. Inside jokes, dirty stories, sarcasm, and play are needed to develop true love.
“He was uncomplicated and upbeat and easy. At one point, I might have thought these traits made him a simpleton, but now I think they translate to happiness.” – Emily Griffin, Baby Proof
4. Safety and Security
There is nothing more beautiful than sitting with your partner in silence and feeling their presence holding you. You can be vulnerable and comfortable with them each time. Safety and security are necessary for a lasting relationship, and you deserve to have them.
When your loved one has your back, there is nothing that you cannot accomplish. These connections happen within the heart, and you deserve to have someone hold you during hard times without judgment. There is a difference between a person trying to fix you and one who accepts you for all that you are.
“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage
5. Adventures and Serendipitous Moments
You deserve a partnership that creates beautiful and magical moments. Romance is never-ending, and you shouldn’t settle for mediocracy. Adventure comes in the ability to let go of rigidity and routine.
You and your partner should be able to create and recreate anything. Enjoy last-minute hikes, star gazing, or just a run to the coffee shop when you least expect it. Each moment that you leave normalcy is an ability to create simple memories full of love and appreciation.
“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
6. Passion and Intense Intimacy
Studies show that sexual desire is more than an emotion that we crave. Arousal involves motivation and thought to process, and it’s not just a feel-good desire.
Relationships with passion and intense intimacy are healthy because it promotes a soul connection. Love builds on top of brain circuits that balance out the rest of our emotions. You deserve a partner that brings about the joy of acceptance and freedom of sexual expression.
“As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.” – Pablo Neruda
7. Unconditional Love
You cannot get what you don’t have in yourself. When you love yourself with appreciation, understanding, and complete acceptance, another person can continue to create that space of unconditional love.
You deserve a love that sees the best in you, loves your quirks and imperfections, and can enhance your belief in yourself. Love has no limitations. It is the highest form of true altruism. In the presence of this kind of love, the world has no boundaries.
“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.” – Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare.
How to Tell Your Partner What You Need in the Relationship
If you ever feel unfilled in your romance or like the connection is no longer strong, you must find a way to tell your partner. Whether you’re feeling neglected, abandoned, insignificant, or anything else, you should be able to communicate. You need to know that you matter to the person you care about, and sometimes you have to tell them what you need.
You’ll want to tell your partner in a way that gets you heard, but you’ll also want to be understood. Yelling or begging don’t always work, and you must find ways to communicate clearly. These methods should help you get your relationship back on track with both partners feeling cared for.
Step 1: Prepare for the Discussion
Preparing for the conversation is essential because you must make sure to discuss every point you want to make. Plus, you have to be in the right mindset for a mature conversation. Start preparing by thinking about why you feel your partner isn’t giving you what you need.
Think about all your thoughts regarding their treatment of you, from the other person being lazy to not caring about your needs. These are all thoughts to discuss, and thinking of them ahead of time will help you prepare. You must approach your partner about these thoughts, but give them the benefit of the doubt and remember that you are a team working through this together.
Step 2: Figure Out What You Need
Talking to your partner about your needs requires you to understand them yourself. You can’t ask your partner to fulfill your needs if you are unsure of them. Ask yourself what you need and how you want to accomplish those things because it should all be part of the discussion.
If you need more physical attention, it might be that you want to hold hands or hug more often. Likewise, if you need deeper communication, tell your partner that you want time to talk each day without any distractions. Determining the actions that will fulfill your need is essential to minimizing the problem.
Don’t expect your partner to know how to meet your needs because they might not need the same action. It’s best to be open and clear about what you want. Figuring it out before talking to your partner will help you state your needs.
Step 3: Remind Yourself of What Not to Do
Before approaching your partner, remember there are some things you should avoid. For starters, don’t blame, shame, or criticize them. If you do, they won’t take the rest of the conversation well, and the situation will remain unresolved.
Don’t withhold love from your partner, either. Distancing yourself or giving the silent treatment won’t encourage them to fulfill your needs. Instead of allowing your anger or sadness to worsen the situation, realize that your feelings are only your interpretation.
Your partner might not be withholding the things you need on purpose. Everyone needs different things, and their needs get fulfilled in different ways. You must understand your significant other isn’t trying to make you unhappy.
Step 4: Choose an Appropriate Time to Bring it Up
Talking about what you need while in the company of others probably isn’t ideal. Likewise, having an explosive public fight about it isn’t beneficial, either. Make sure you pick an appropriate time to talk about your thoughts and feelings.
Tell your partner that you have something important to talk about, and ask when a good time would be for them. This way, you don’t start a conversation without time to finish, and it doesn’t interfere with other essential things. The time should be beneficial for both of you.
Step 5: Praise Them
Start the conversation with something you’re happy about in the relationship. Praise your partner for something they did recently, and show that you recognize the good things, too. Your praise doesn’t have to be about important things, as mentioning the small instances is just as meaningful.
By starting the conversation with a positive comment, your partner will be more receptive to what you say. They’ll see that you recognize their efforts rather than feeling insulted and put down. It helps open you up to a discussion rather than your partner feeling blamed for not fulfilling your needs.
Step 6: Focus on How You Feel and Why You Feel That Way
Spend time thinking about how you feel and identifying the emotions. Figuring out how you feel can help you determine why.
For example, you might feel distant because you haven’t spent enough one-on-one time lately. Or, you feel angry and frustrated because household responsibilities aren’t shared equally. As you communicate with your partner, tell them how you feel and why so that the conversation doesn’t get off-topic.
Step 7: Specify Your Need
You’ve already identified what you need, but you must be clear about it with your partner. Tell them that it’s essential to fulfill the need and be specific about it. Your significant other might not always understand what you’re saying if you aren’t clear.
Step 8: Ask Them to Do Whatever it is You Need
Sometimes all it takes to fulfill your need is to ask your partner to do it. If you need more physical affection, ask them to cuddle with you. When you need help around the house, ask for it.
Asking for what you need doesn’t always work, but there’s a good chance it will. Your partner might not realize what you need but would be more than willing to do whatever it is if they knew.
If they’re okay with fulfilling the need but would instead do it another way, be open to discussion. When they can meet your needs another way, negotiation can give both of you what you deserve.
Step 9: Ask if There’s Anything Else They Want to Talk About
Don’t make your significant other feel like you’re having a one-sided conversation. Let them know you’re listening to their concerns and needs, too.
If they bring something up, make sure you give them the same respect and attention. Your lover’s needs might be different than yours, but they still matter just as much.
Step 10: Use the Word ‘We’
When you say “we” instead of only referring to yourself, it gives your partner an invitation to participate. It helps them understand what you want and need and reassures them that you want to do that with them. You can work on a plan together rather than leaving your partner feeling isolated.
Step 11: Say Thank You
When you thank your partner for listening, it shows them how much you care. It also shows your partner that listening to your needs and allowing you to share is meaningful to you. Plus, they’ll feel appreciated, which can be beneficial after a conversation about the things you need.
Other Things to Remember About Building a Relationship
Here are a few final thoughts on maintaining a healthy partnership.
Remember Every Conversation Is Not Make-Or-Break
Please don’t give your partner a request that they must change, or you’ll walk away. While you deserve to have your needs met, your partner deserves a chance. If you’re already at the point of ultimatums, there might not be much left to save.
The first time you talk to your partner about what you need and want doesn’t have to be the only time. It might require occasional reminders or suggestions. Consider that change takes time and doesn’t always happen overnight.
Understand That Your Partner Can’t Know What You Need Unless You Tell Them
You can’t expect your partner to know what you need from them. Please don’t get angry when they don’t know, and make sure you communicate clearly. When you stay calm, your lover is more likely to take what you say to heart.
Although many people think they need someone to complete them, it’s not how things work. Don’t assume it’s a negative sign if your partner doesn’t automatically know what you want or need.
Don’t Make It Personal.
No one is perfect, including you and your significant other. Neither of you is better, and unfulfilled needs aren’t about personal shortcomings.
Don’t make the conversation about what your partner isn’t giving you. Instead, it should be a conversation about how you should treat each other.
It shouldn’t only be one of you that changes, either. Since no one is perfect, there will be things your partner would like to be different, too. Don’t take any of it personally because it’s all about bettering your relationship.
Final Thoughts on Knowing You Deserve Only the Best from Your Relationship
You deserve to have your relationship needs meeting in a way that works for you. Don’t sacrifice meaningful things to avoid having a conversation about it. Your partner wants to fulfill your needs and make you happy, so don’t be afraid to speak up.
Spend time thinking about what you need and how you want it fulfilled. Don’t ambush your partner, either, as timing is crucial. You deserve to feel fulfilled, and communication can make all the difference.