Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful. – Thich Nhat Hanh
First, it’s important to understand some basic tenets about “attraction” and physical appearance.
#1: Our physical appearance has a tendency to mirror how we feel inside. It’s not just the obvious outward display of laughing, crying and so forth that show how we feel at any given time.
#2: Physical appearance is not the only factor that determines our level of attraction to someone else. Our behavior and how we choose to conduct ourselves has a big impact on whether or not people are attracted to us.
#3: Attraction can be intimate or platonic. It can be felt with either a stranger or close friend. Attraction, at its core, is a manifestation of our personal energy. Our fellow human beings are either attracted to or repelled by this energy –it really is that simple. Others want to be around someone that makes them feel positive.
It needs to be said that this article is not meant to critique anyone’s physical appearance – and certainly is not meant for anyone to harshly critique their own. Instead, it’s simply designed to be an educational piece that may be helpful.
You’ll notice as you read through this list that the things that make us less attraction is more behavioral in nature.
Here are 7 things that may you less attractive – and how to reverse them!
1. Making everything into a competition
There is no doubt that some competition is good…in the right environment and at the right time. Constantly comparing ourselves to other people, however, is unnecessary. Pressuring others to compete with us when is uncalled for and downright rude.
Why is this unattractive? Because nobody wants to be around someone that is constantly seeking recognition. Success and failure means different things to different people.
Instead, seek to achieve goals for personal reasons, or limit the competition to areas of life (work, sports, etc.) that are appropriate. Remember, goals and achievement should bring about a sense of personal fulfillment, not used as a reason to feel superior to others.
2. Acting rude towards others
This is a no-brainer: people don’t find rude people attractive. Being polite and cordial is a necessity for any kind of productive relationship. Rude people for some reason don’t see an issue with constantly scrutinizing others – and therefore aren’t attractive to many.
Further, it’s not difficult to be moderately respectful to others. As such, there really is no excuse to regularly act rude. No surprise that most people are repulsed by such behavior.
Even if you we don’t “like” someone, we can still be respectful towards that person. If a situation arises that may cause conflict, simply walk away. There is no need to exacerbate conflict when it can be avoided.
3. Having an attitude of superiority
Ever known someone that thinks, for no particular reason, that they are better than everyone else? If so, what did you think about them? Most likely, you didn’t have a favorable opinion.
Someone that looks down on others is unattractive in the worst way. Who wants to be acquainted with such people?
To counteract this, we should remember that each one of us is a human being with different strengths and weaknesses. Odds are that we are more adept in some areas of our lives than others. We’re also likely to have weaknesses that others do not have. Regardless, we shouldn’t be judgmental towards ourselves or others for perceived strengths or weaknesses.
4. Incessantly complaining
Here’s an experiment: loudly complain about something in public and watch the expressions of people around you. Yes – that is real disdain on their face.
Not only is obnoxious complaining repulsively unattractive, it’s completely pointless. Unless you’re being served somewhere (e.g. a restaurant or bar) and receiving poor service, there are few other reasons to lob complaints.
Instead, seek to have a constructive dialogue with someone. Leave the petty complaints and unproductive banter at home. Complaining will accomplish nothing except increase hostility.
5. Constantly interrupting others
Interrupting someone is disrespectful and abrasive. As far as behaviors go, interrupting someone is one of the most surefire ways to kill any chances of a relationship. Why would anyone be attracted to a person that is always inserting themselves into a dialogue or a situation without invitation?
Again…it’s as simple as practicing common courtesy. We should all understand by now how to exercise elementary levels of self-control.
To reverse this habit may be difficult – at least initially. To better ourselves in this respect requires us to be more conscientious of others. When someone is exercising their right to speak, simply let them finish. If needed, watch their mouth to determine when they’re finished making their point. Also, leave others alone that appear to be in the middle of something.
6. Not listening when someone’s talking
Communication is one of the most essential elements of any relationship. We expect to be listened to and others expect us to reciprocate. It’s simply unacceptable (and unattractive) to not listen when someone else is attempting to speak.
Here’s another experiment: when someone is talking – in a meeting, at a table, etc. – look around at what other people are doing. Odds are there will be at least one or two that are shuffling in their chairs, looking at their phones, or chit-chatting with someone else. RUDE!
As with #5, this may be a difficult habit to break. The simplest and most effective way to listen well is to make eye contact while resisting the urge to do something else. Again…easier said than done. Over time, however, the practice of effective listening will become second nature.
7. Making conflict for no reason
Pretty self-evident here – nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly stirring up trouble. So, why do some people insist on doing just that? The answer: attention.
Instead of attention, that person is more likely to invoke feelings of disdain. In fact, instead of garnering attention, the rational folks will probably just ignore the busybody in the room.
To reverse this behavior, we should all take responsibility for ourselves – and ourselves only. We don’t need to stir up drama in order to feel important…and it really is that simple.