When you get in a relationship with someone you really like, you want to give everything you have in the relationship, and expect your partner to do the same. However, when one partner keeps their emotions under wraps and doesn’t feel comfortable sharing them(much less care about your emotions), you will get hurt quickly in the relationship. It takes two people to have a healthy, happy relationship, and when one doesn’t open up their heart entirely to their partner, the other will inevitably feel betrayed and confused.
If you suspect someone you know is emotionally unavailable, but aren’t sure, these signs will clear it up for you.
Here are 7 signs someone is emotionally unavailable:
1. You can’t read them clearly.
An emotionally unavailable person will try to confuse you to death with mixed messages – one day, they want to commit to you, and the next, they don’t even want a relationship. Or, in regards to friendship, the friend may ask you questions about yourself, but don’t want to reveal much about themselves. One minute, they seem to want a deeper connection, and the next, they run away from the vulnerability of the situation. You can’t really get a clear feel for their intentions, but you know you feel confused and frustrated. An emotionally available person will tell you their intentions up front, and stick to them.
The person may come on strongly at first, only to back away very quickly, leaving you hanging.
2. They already have a committed relationship.
If you have interest in someone who already has a partner, then listen up. You definitely don’t want to continue a relationship with this person, as they’ll just end up hurting you in the end. Of course, if you don’t want a serious relationship, and feel comfortable with open relationships, then this could work out fine. It just depends on what you want in a relationship. However, someone who has multiple partners likely has vulnerability issues, since they can’t commit to just one person. They don’t want to invest in any one person in case it gets too serious.
3. An emotionally unavailable person will never consider your feelings.
This person likely never asks how you feel, and instead only considers their own desires. They could care less about what you want, and care all about what they want. The world revolves around them in their eyes, so they don’t pay much attention to how you feel. Every decision they make only puts them higher on the totem pole, and they don’t care who they leave behind. If this sounds like your relationship, you likely have an emotionally unavailable partner.
4. They don’t want to know much about you.
An emotionally unavailable person sees people as objects, and try to manipulate them to benefit themselves in life. They see everyone as a potential pawn in their game, and play with people’s heads in order to move them in the direction they see fit. They are master manipulators, and are champions of their own game. They will only show interest in the sexual side of the relationship, and won’t attempt to connect further with anyone. As a friend, they will show little interest in getting to know you, and instead, talk about base-level things with you.
They likely had an emotionally or physically abusive person in their lives as a childhood, so in turn, they feel scared to open up to anyone. They may have had emotionally abusive parents, or had a physically abusive boyfriend or girlfriend at a young age. A lifelong study of people in England, Scotland and Wales found that people who felt their parents were overly controlling or encouraged dependence had lower levels of happiness and overall well-being later in life. So, if you have an emotionally unavailable partner or friend, their past could reveal a lot of answers about their current behavior.
5. You will always feel like something’s missing with them.
You always want them to do or say a little more, but they never do. There’s a certain element of mystery and frustration that looms in the air in your relationship, and you feel like all signs point to them. You can’t figure them out, and they don’t give you the opportunity to try. They shut you out just as you feel you’re getting close to them, because they fear emotional intimacy with anyone.
6. They don’t like talking in person.
An emotionally unavailable person will engage in several behaviors that will point to their fear of emotional commitment. They will avoid eye contact when you do talk in person, but most of the time, they prefer texting, emailing, or talking on the phone. Why? Well, technology makes them feel safer. They have a virtual barrier between them and the other person, so they don’t have to open up as much. They can send Emojis if they feel like showing any type of emotion at all, and will continue to make excuses as to why they can’t meet up with you. They have a very hard time leaving their comfort zone, and will do anything to avoid face-to-face interactions.
7. They will seem cold, unfeeling, and distant.
Your emotionally unavailable partner or friend will keep you at arm’s length, simply because they’ve been taught not to trust people. The people they wanted to trust the most in life from an early age let them down, so they’ve known nothing but betrayal and hurt. They just don’t have the capacity to fully give themselves to another, or show that they actually care about you. So, they put up walls as a way to keep themselves from getting hurt, because they can’t take that kind of pain again.
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This doesn’t give them an excuse, but if you notice this sign from your partner, then you likely have someone who isn’t emotionally available.