You might be afraid to read this and find out that your partner is not ready to commit, but then again it might be better to know now instead of continuing to invest time while you wait for them to decide.
What are commitment-phobics afraid of anyway? In our article 10 Signs You’ve Found A Keeper, we discussed how mature people have outgrown their fear of being hurt. Is it possible that your partner hasn’t outgrown their fears yet?
The fear of emotional pain is one reason your partner might be afraid to commit. Fear of tying themselves down is another. Let’s look at 7 signs that your partner is afraid to commit, and if there are any solutions for this common relationship problem.
7 Signs Your Partner Is Afraid to Commit
You feel pretty certain that your partner could be ‘The One,’ but lately they seem to have cold feet. What’s going on and why aren’t they as excited about taking the relationship to the next step as you are?
1. Your partner still mourns their last broken relationship
You really need for your partner to stop talking about their ex. Either them saying how great or how bad things were makes it clear that they are afraid to commit to a new relationship.
2. Your partner’s self-image is single
People are capable of change, when they want to, but if your partner is still living a single lifestyle, it means that they see themselves as a single person. They may have a ‘lone wolf’ mentality, or ‘me against the world’ mindset.
Maybe your partner is projecting an available attitude toward all possible sexual partners, and if that’s the case, it’s a sign that your partner afraid to commit to one person for the rest of their life.
3. Your partner is egotistical
Researchers studying narcissism and relationship commitments cite previous research that people with an inflated sense of self-worth are more argumentative, hostile, selfishness, and self-centered. It’s hardly surprising then that the researchers also found that egotistical people are less likely to be strongly committed to a romantic partner.
A selfish person is only concerned about his or her own interests. It is very unlikely that they will be ready to commit unless you can be a doormat who lets them have everything their way. A narcissist is afraid to be in a relationship because they might have to compromise. Or they could be afraid of missing out on something better. Either way, it might be best to read our guide for handling these kinds of people: 5 Signs You’re In A Relationship With A Narcissist.
4. You haven’t met your partner’s family
Meeting the family is a big relationship step and it usually means that your partner is committed, ready to let the world know about your love, and ready to make you part of their family. If you’re still waiting to meet them, your partner may be afraid to commit.
5. Your partner is unable to connect on a deep level
Emotional love, caring and concern are all things that your partner should not be afraid of in a relationship. But some people, especially men, are afraid of showing emotion for fear of being judged as too feminine.
Regardless of social conventions, all humans are capable of deep love, but some people are afraid to open themselves up to emotion because it feels vulnerable.
6. Your partner makes last minute plans with you, and then it’s a booty call
Everybody knows that a booty call is usually a hook up without the emotional entanglement. If your partner is soliciting sex from you while keeping you at a distance emotionally, it is a sign that they are afraid to commit to you.
Researchers in the Journal of Family Theory say ‘People slide into having sex. People slide into having children. People slide into dangerous relationships. In contrast to sliding, there are strong conceptual reasons to suggest that clear decisions generally build the most resilient intentions. Sliding transitions may undermine the formation of dedication in relationships, even in those that continue.’
They compare last minute decision making to ‘sliding’ into a choice rather than ‘deciding.’ If your partner wasn’t afraid to commit, they would make a clear, conscious, reasoned, and planned decision to be with you, and they would know that they wanted that with plenty of time to make plans for a great date together.
7. Your partner describes your relationship as something other than romantic to others
Your partner just introduced you to others as their friend, or they just introduced you by name. This could be a minor slip up, but if your partner does this consistently, it could be a sign that they are afraid to commit.
Rather than giving you a title that implies that they are committed to you, such as ‘boy/girlfriend,’ ‘life partner,’ or ‘significant other,’ your partner has neglected to mention to others that they are intimately involved with you. That little incident of can hurt your ego, so if this hurts your feelings, please ask them to introduce you as their girl or boyfriend in the future.