We all have those relationships that make us feel good and even bring out the best in us. On the other hand, there are also relationships that can completely drain us our creative energy and tempt us to harbor negative feelings.
So, the question is, what do we do? How do we effectively and compassionately deal with these toxic people, especially if they are people we really love or hold a long history with?
Smartly surviving this up and down battle can be confusing and even exhausting. But, it doesn’t have to be. There are ways you can approach these relationships in a kind, peaceful and compassionate manner. In fact, with practice you can protect your own energy – allowing yourself to project your light outward to them and even help them to transform into their truly happy, positive nature.
6 Compassionate Ways to Deal with Toxic People:
1. Put feelings aside and rather than overlook, take a good look, at the effect they have on your life.
Sometimes when we really love someone we overlook their toxicity or make excuses for them. It can be easy to do if the person has a history of problems and hardship. However, this is allowing that person to be just the “way they are” – negative, unhappy, angry, dramatic, etc.
The truth is, this isn’t who they are at their core. Everyone has love in their heart and the potential to live a happy, fulfilled life. Toxic people have just built walls around this and they are blocking themselves off from what they deserve. As Eckhart Tolle said in his book, The Power of Now , their “pain body” wants to feed and so it attracts experiences to allow this toxicity to expand – you being one of the victims.
With that being said, examine how this person is treating you. Look at how it has affected your life and how long this has been going on. At some level, you attracted what you are experiencing. So, the best thing to do is to look for the lesson in the pain and declare that you won’t allow this person to treat you like this anymore.
In fact, even if this person doesn’t change, their attitude around you will change. When you mindfully and verbally declare your power over this person and your future situations (releasing the fear and judgement from the past), you may notice that even though they are still be a toxic person, they won’t be around you.
2. Honestly and peacefully let them know their toxic behavior is not acceptable anymore.
One of the best things you can be in life is HONEST. Life rewards you for your honesty. While it can be difficult to confront a toxic person, because they may not even recognize their own behavior, it’s best for them and you to tell them about themselves. Prepare yourself mentally to not accept any type of rejection or upset they may spew at you. Stay strong and remember that you aren’t dealing with a level headed person right now, they are FULL of toxicity. In that toxic negative energy is also denial.
The good news is, they say denial is the first stage of acceptance. They will need time to think and absorb what you said. Give them time. If you want to, let them know you are there for them and can help them work through it. Briefly give them a few positive outlets or resources that will leave the light on for them (like Power of Positivity).
Most importantly, let them know you will no longer accept their behavior. This is where YOUR power shines through. This is where you stand up and confront what you no longer deserve.
3. Don’t take personal responsibility for their behavior.
Sometimes in these situations people tend to blame themselves for the toxic people in their life. But that’s far from the truth; they have very little to no responsibility for the behavior of others. This is mostly due to the fact that toxic people put blame on things outside of themselves – usually blaming the victim. If this is the case for you, release the need to take any responsibility for them. They have the ability to control their emotions just like anyone else. Recommend or give them “Emotional Freedom” by Judith Orloff.
Our society has been taught very little on how to control emotions, but it’s one of the biggest skills we need to learn to be happy and have great relationships with others.
4. Send blessings and positive, healing vibes their way.
When you’re down, doesn’t it feel wonderful to have someone just come give you a big hug for no other reason? Well, that’s the way most people feel. Its okay and healthy to give hugs or at the least send positive thoughts, and healing, well wishes their way. Holding on to anger, resentment or hatred will only affect you and keep you from living your happiest life.
If you can’t bear to communicate with them, then try to communicate with your higher source to send blessings their way. Remember that when someone is living a toxic, negative lifestyle, they need your positive energy the most.
5. Decide to either help them or move on.
Ultimately, its important to decide how you want to move forward with the toxic people in your life. It’s okay to limit a toxic relationship, but it’s also important to remember the compassionate aspect of life – that we’re all in this together and need each others’ support. It’s really best to follow your intuition and feeling toward the right direction.
You can also end a relationship with a toxic person and still be compassionate toward them at the same time. If you don’t want to speak with them, you can even just send a text, email, or write an old-fashioned letter. Sometimes it’s best to limit your communication, but if the person is really affecting you in a very negative way and you see no sign of improvement, it might be time to move on. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.
6. Take time to clear your mind and free your spirit.
While you are detoxing and cleansing your life, it’s important to get out into nature or participate in your favorite hobby/activity that will clear your mind. Handling toxic people is not an easy tasks. Stress can build up and effect your life in a big way, unless you stop and take care of yourself. You can spend it with loved ones or completely alone. Either way, do something that completely takes your mind off of everything so you can free your spirit and cleanse your energy.