Been in a bad breakup? Now more than ever is a good time to figure out how to find true love. Some know how hard it can be because they always thought of that ex- as “the one,” and after they  break up, finding someone new can be terrifying. But after a while, we must all get back on the horse. Facing that deeply felt fear of rejection while putting oneself out there repeatedly. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.

Like most things in life, it’s more straightforward to wrap your head around once you implement a plan. Do you have dreams of starting your own company, traveling to new locations, or rising out of debt? Plans always make those things more manageable, so now you’re trying to recover from a breakup?

We have a strategy for you, and it only takes five tips to find true love.

true love

1. It’s time to let go of your ex 

I always knew in the back of my mind that if I were constantly thinking about my breakup while meeting new people, there wouldn’t ever be space for new passions. Is there still some negative energy surrounding your ex? For your true love to come into your life, letting go of anger, resentment, or other feelings is the first step.

How? First, don’t suppress your negative emotions. Refrain from expressing them at the wrong time. The time to let it out is with someone who empathizes with everything you need to communicate without any judgment. Don’t believe you have someone to confide in? Give it some more thought and you’ll be pleasantly surprised with how many people are willing to lend a helping hand when you’re in a dark place.

2. Just because someone isn’t like your ex doesn’t mean they’re a good match 

As you’re experiencing a rough breakup, you may tell yourself you won’t ever associate with a person similar to your ex again, “That’s it!” you exclaim, “Never again!” Your ex avoided adventure and being spontaneous? Time to find an adrenaline-seeking, world-traveling rock-climber. Your ex had brunette hair? Only blondes now! I think you get the idea.

As you may be able to tell, the issue with an approach like this is that it’s not a proactive decision. It’s reacting to something besides what you want in your true love. Going out with someone only because they’re unlike your ex isn’t the solution to your woes.

The next step tells you what you need to do.

3. Clear up the values you’re looking for in your true love 

The things we value are the north star for our relationships. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. Once you start dating someone that shares your values, it won’t take nearly as much effort as previous relationships.

Review your most recent relationship. I’ll bet that you brushed aside some of the bad parts of them thinking they would get better over time, right? Over time, things stayed the same, didn’t they? Become crystal clear on what you want most in your true love and don’t settle. As you complete this step, you’ll notice massive improvements towards who you are attracting into your life.

4. Learn how to say “no” to incompatible people 

If you hesitate to say “nos,” you’re wasting both your time and the other party’s time. We settle for less than what we want and draw it out into a more significant problem with our stress, fear and indecision. I’d much rather have someone tell me “no” as soon as possible than hear about all the reasons why it won’t work.

true love

Of course, someone may get offended by your honesty. But you can’t control other people’s feelings towards you. It shines a light on people to help them grow. Integrity is going to benefit both of you to progress towards more healthy relationships.

5. Work it! 

If you want to discover your true love, you have to get out in the trenches and search for them! As we continue to put our true personalities on the line, leave our comfort zones and crush our fears, beautiful things will unfold.

Go to social outings with people you’ve never met before. Attend groups that interest you in the surrounding areas. Chat up a stranger on the metro or bus. Even try online dating for the hell of it! Yes, not everything is going to end up with you in a loving relationship, but getting uncomfortable will lead to more growth.

As things start to take a turn for the better undoubtedly, you’ll see that it was all worth it, and you may miss the times when you were figuring out how to find true love. If you aren’t in a relationship yet, keep trying. Just like a rainy day doesn’t last, it won’t be like this forever. With these tips to find true love, I know you’ll get what you’re looking for.