Relationships are hard and require some work or effort on our part. Mature relationships work as a team to solve problems and aren’t afraid to express their opinions, wants or desires to their significant other. If you can trust the person closest to you then you are probably unwilling or unable to form attachments with other people. Immature relationships are usually ones that feel difficult or forced. If you feel that you are working way to hard to make a relationship work then you are probably in an immature relationship.
Being together isn’t just about loving someone but about making that person feel loved, appreciated and safe to be who they are. Feeling insecure about your relationship might mean that the relationship is showing some or all of these five signs of immaturity.
Here are 5 signs that you’re in an immature relationship:
1. You are not functioning as a team
A relationship is a team effort. You are in this together and it is you two against the world. You have to have each others back. If your partner is unwilling to help get things done or can’t be counted upon to do their part then you have an issue. People with successful relationships see themselves as part of a team that is working towards a common goal. Unequal relationships where one partner does all of the heavy lifting leads to resentment and bitterness. Find someone who will work with you, who will stand back to back with you against the universe.
2. You are not discussing significant issues when they come up
We all have our issues or baggage. Things come up that we aren’t comfortable with. If you have an issue then you should be able to bring it up and discuss it without it erupting into a huge knock down drag out fight. If you can’t express what you want or need in a relationship without it devolving into a fight or keeping inside for weeks on end until it becomes a larger problem then there is a serious breakdown in the relationship. People in mature relationships discuss their problems or issues as they come up not after they have been festering for weeks and have poisoned your feelings.
3. Hiding who you are
You should never have to pretend you are anyone other than who you really are. If you think you need to hide a part of yourself because your partner will make fun of you or not find you attractive or interesting anymore then you are in the wrong relationship. We are all different people with different interests and those interests change over time. Even if your partner isn’t into the exact same things as you you shouldn’t have to hide them. You both should have the space to explore who you are without fear of rejection or insults.
4. Trying to change your partner
Partners are not fixer upper projects you see on the Home and Garden Channel. It is not your job to change your partner into the perfect mate. We all have our own issues and baggage. We will will work through those issues or baggage over time and with the support of our partners hopefully grow as people. No one needs someone else to change them or fix them. This attitude is very immature and shows a lack of acceptance of others for who and what they are. If you don’t like your partner the way they are then maybe you should find someone you do like.
5. You don’t see a future with your partner
Your partner maybe be super fun to hang with or has a lot of interesting stories but if you can’t see yourself with them in ten years then what are you doing in that relationship? If you are out to just have some fun that’s perfectly fine but it is not a very mature relationship. Mature relationships see themselves building a future with their partner, maybe raising a family or growing old together. Mature relationships are in it for the long haul. If you or your partner can’t see a future together then maybe there isn’t one to see.
“Infantile love follows the principle: “I love because I am loved.”
Mature love follows the principle: “I am loved because I love.”
Immature love says: “I love you because I need you.”
Mature love says: “I need you because I love you.”
? Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving