Self-talk can have a great impact on your confidence. The effect can be good or bad, depending on whether your self-talk is positive or negative. ~ ReachOut Australia
There are ways to develop more positive means of communicating – and we should take full advantage. First, It’s important to acknowledge the person we speak to the most – ourselves.
Even though you may not know it, you are engaging in self-talk all the time.
Self-talk is your inner voice; it’s usually so subtle that we don’t pay much attention to it unless we directed.
Positive self-talk starts with merely observing what you routinely say to yourself.
Do you direct positive or negative thoughts and feelings towards yourself?
Do you monitor these thoughts and feelings or are you on autopilot most of the time?
Positive self-talk also boosts your confidence. With a confident mindset, you are far less likely to say something that will come back to bite you. You’re also less likely to hurt someone else with your words.
Again – and this is worth repeating: how we speak to ourselves directly influences how we speak to others.
It’s helpful to start by being kind to yourself.
Things confident people don’t say
1. “I’m sorry…” (When it’s not your fault)
Follow an insecure person around long enough, and you’ll probably hear them apologize to someone for something that isn’t their fault. This apology doesn’t come from a sense of remorse. It comes from being overly passive.
It’s essential that we show others respect – but we must first respect ourselves. Save the “I’m sorry” and say something a bit more genuine and impactful.
“Thank you for your time,” “I’ll let you get back to work,” or “I appreciate your help” will stick with someone – and you’ll appear much more self-assured.
2. “You see, what happened was…”
Unless the absolute truth is about to exit your lips, don’t utter these words. “You see, what happened,” or “What happened was” are two well-known phrases of storytellers.
You know what? Forget this phrase altogether. If something happened that threw you off course, just come right out with it. Forget about prefacing the truth with something that sounds inherently untruthful.
Instead of sounding like you’re hiding something, be confident with how you explain situations!
3. “It’s their fault…”
Here’s some truth for all of us: cowards blame other people.
While something may very well be someone else’s fault, confident people don’t name drop someone to take the fall. By all means, explain what happened! Don’t be the target for someone else’s mistakes. But don’t “rat” on someone out of fear, either.
The most confident people own their worlds. Even if you aren’t a very confident person right now (and that’s okay!), start acting with unfiltered integrity and inner strength.
4. “I don’t feel like it…”
Yes, we’ve all uttered this useless, weak, and self-defeating phrase.
Yes, we’ve all felt the pain of regret by choosing the easy way.
But confident individuals, unsurprisingly, are very self-disciplined – including in how they speak to themselves and others. Though they very well may not feel like doing something, they won’t utter this defeating phrase.
While this isn’t to say that confident people always do what needs to be done, it is to say that highly self-assured people monitor and choose their words carefully.
5. “I can’t…”
something but are unable to. Do you where this is going?
Let’s say ‘John’ has committed to a morning workout with his best friend, ‘Dave.’ He oversleeps one morning when all of a sudden the phone rings.
“Hey, John, you ready to go? I’m almost there.”
John, feeling the warmth of the bed calling out to him, says, “I can’t…” He hangs up and goes back to sleep.
What John did was cowardly, selfish, and weak. First, Jon breaks his commitment to his best friend. Second, he seemingly doesn’t give Dave a second thought. Third, he lies.
Confident people tell it like it is. If they “can’t” do something, they will explain the situation – even if it hurts their ego or disappoints someone else.
No person is confident all of the time. All of us have said things that are less than truthful and negative.
What’s important is that we make an effort to be more assertive, forthright, and positive individuals.
Making an honest effort to act with self-confidence in areas of your life where its necessary is – by its very definition – confidence and courage.
And for that, you should be very proud.