Everyone adores a good love story…and if they don’t they should. Why are these love stories so treasured? Is it because we love drama and the bubbly feelings that love incites? A rhetorical question, of course, as to appreciate these movies requires such. There’s always that point in the plot where something happens that tests the connection between two people. Will they beat the odds and come together or will they bid each other farewell? (It’s almost always the former, isn’t it?
Give Hollywood this: they at least introduce a bit of conflict in the love story. Sure, some of the plot points are laughable at best but that’s for another discussion. Perhaps even more laughable (delusional?) than Hollywood’s scriptwriting is the script repeated by some other misguided people about love.
Romantic fairytales exist only in the movies. In reality, relationships can be difficult on a number of different levels. So why do people still tell lies about love – or, worse yet, believe them?
We’re here to do a bit of myth-busting, love story style.
Here are 5 stories you should never listen to:
Love Lie #1: “The One…”
Now, there may be one person you’ve met that is your soulmate (here are the signs). But it’s disingenuous to pretend that having millions of people out there don’t increase the odds of finding that one true love. If two people compliment and bring out the best in each other than that is a perfectly happy courtship. However, odds are that some envious third-party will chime in with “well, he/she found his/her one…when is it my turn?” In truth, there are plenty of viable options that, if discovered, would help to increase the odds of finding someone that fulfilled them.
In other words, true love is determined by compatibility, not exclusivity. There is no truth to the contrary.
Love Lie #2: “Sincerity will win her/him over…”
This is a love lie that is far too commonplace, especially in the “men seeking women” arena. Men are prone to turn up the sincerity dial, as they believe that an exceptional ability to be sincere is valued when courting women. On a limited scale, this is true. Women love when men hold the door open, pick up the check and compliment their dress. Women don’t love when men buy them jewelry on the first date, say “I love you” after a week and cry at every sad movie. They also don’t appreciate men without the ability to articulate their words without sounding like an uninhibited jerk.
The reason that unabashed sincerity doesn’t bode well is two-fold: (1) it reeks of disingenuousness, and (2) it bypasses flirting, an important part of the courting process.
Love Lie #3: “This initial spark means something…”
Yeah, it means that two people just met. Who hasn’t heard of the “honeymoon phase”? Also, two people are almost always going to have different perspectives on one another’s attractiveness or lack thereof. In other words, that “initial spark” means little else than some person is attractive in some way. It doesn’t mean they’re attracted to you or that there is any type of future.
The only real way to test the connection between two people is to court. In reality, attraction can be a dynamic thing; something that changes as two people begin to know each other.
But first, it’s probably best to go over and say “Hello.”
Love Lie #4: “It’s only been a day/week/month, but we’re meant for each other…”
Do we really need to cover this? At this phase, there is no way that any rational conclusion can be made about the long-term viability of a relationship. We already know that people are complex beings… so what makes us think that we can know them in a day, a week, a month, or even a year?
Yes, we all want to love and be loved. It’s a beautiful thing. But at the expense of exploring and uncovering more about someone else? That’s part of the fun. Why this intense desire to jump right to the finish line?
Explore the other person and savor the little things. There is no need to rush to judgment here, despite of our desire to settle. Even if the relationship doesn’t continue to bear fruit, they had a presence in your life for a period of time.
Love Lie #5: “Life will be a dream, as long as we’re together…”
The other person will probably make life seem more like a dream, and that’s great. Truth is, this one is difficult to criticize – not because it’s true, but because our ideal mate will always make us contemplate what’s possible.
It is true that anything is possible with two people that love and believe in each other. We’re all innately attuned to the fact that life will have its turbulent moments. We’re also aware that the other person makes these moments worth living and then some.