Women know just how much damage a cheating husband causes. And it’s bad enough when it’s just a boyfriend you’ve been dating for a couple of months who cheats on you. But when you’ve got a cheating husband, that’s much worse. And when the family is involved, especially kids, things get messy and traumatic. But it’s never easy to find out when someone is cheating.
It’s not like they will come to you and tell you that they’re being unfaithful. So, you’ll have to do some detective work and figure out if some things don’t add up. And it’s crucial to find that out as quickly as possible so that you can deal with it appropriately.
Not all cheating husbands act the same, and not all cheat for the same reasons. While cheating is never justified, there are some cases in which people truly made a mistake. A cheater doesn’t have to be an awful person. They might just be lost and lack the courage to talk to their partner about their issues. But, again, that doesn’t justify their actions.
But it makes it possible for the couple to work through their differences and problems. Some cheaters do it because they don’t have any regard for their partner. In that case, you shouldn’t take your cheating partner back. Still, you have that option if you want it. But you should know that a player will rarely change, and they will likely just keep hurting you.
Whatever your specific case might be, that’s up to you to decide. You know your wants and needs and if you are ready to give the cheater a second chance. But first, you must learn to spot the signs that you might be dealing with a cheating husband.
5 Behaviors That Reveal a Cheating Husband
NOTE: We acknowledge that women also might cheat on their spouses, and we address female cheater behaviors separately.
1. A Cheater Takes More Care of His Appearance Than He Usually Would
It’s not bad for men to take care of their appearance and put effort into how they look. On the contrary, it shows that they care enough about themselves to invest time in pampering themselves or wearing nice clothes. You probably know by now how much effort your husband puts into his looks.
Maybe you’re married to the kind of chill, laid-back guy who wouldn’t trade their t-shirts even if you paid them. Some guys wouldn’t be caught dead in a fancy shirt. On the opposite end of the spectrum are the guys who never seem to get out of a suit, not even when chilling at the bar. So, if your husband suddenly starts to change something in their routine, that should raise some suspicions.
People always care how they look when they are courting someone. That’s a sign they are trying to make a good impression and hoping to get in someone’s good graces. That’s probably what they did when they first started courting you. And sure, there are reasons why people would want to look put together that have nothing to do with cheating.
They will want to look their best if they have a job interview or need to present a critical work project. Though, when your husband says he’s going to the bar to catch a game with the boys, but he’s wearing his best shirt and most expensive cologne, something doesn’t add up. If such things happen often, you should start wondering whether you have a cheating husband.
2. A Cheating Husband Avoids You
This won’t be the case for all cheating husbands, as some men are good at lying and pretending. But most people have a hard time facing the person they are lying to so blatantly. If your husband avoids you, he’s most likely hiding something from you. Sure, he might be hiding something else, such as the fact that he broke your favorite cup.
But it’s more likely that he is doing something much more behind your back and feels like he’ll spill his secrets if he spends too much time with you. Plus, he might be trying to find a way to break things off so that he can be with his mistress. The more he avoids you, the more likely you’ll be to grow unhappy in that relationship, which might make you more likely to accept a divorce. And that might be exactly what he’s hoping for.
There are many outcomes that a cheater might be hoping to happen. Some will give you just as much attention because they don’t see a problem in having fun with another woman. But most will be scared to look into your eyes, knowing what they did. Or, there’s a possibility that they are avoiding you because they are getting what they need from their mistress.
In that case, they might feel there’s no need to waste their energy on you and try to connect with you. He might stay with you out of comfort, but he’ll likely just get home and sleep without talking to you. If this is how your relationship dynamics are, that means you are probably dealing with a cheater.
3. A Cheater Showers You with Gifts
Most men feel guilty after cheating on their wives or girlfriends. This guilt is the thing that makes them avoid you, as we’ve discussed previously. But it can also make them feel the need to shower you with compliments and gifts, so if you start getting many more gifts than you usually would, that’s not always a cute, romantic gesture.
You might be dealing with a cheating husband trying to buy your forgiveness. Sure, a nice husband will get you gifts even if there’s no special occasion. So it might not be weird to get some flowers sent to your work every once in a while. But it can be weird if you get many expensive gifts suddenly. Or even if they are not costly, it’s still a red flag if you get many more gifts than you usually would.
Plus, you should also be on alert if he starts showering you with compliments all of a sudden. Again, it might seem like a cute thing to do. But if it’s a sudden change in his behavior, it might point toward him trying to hide something.
4. A Cheating Husband Avoids Intimacy
One of the reasons why men start cheating is because they feel like they don’t get enough action from their wives. This is, of course, a stupid reason, and you should never accept it as an excuse. But this is what sometimes goes on in their head. This should mean that they would jump at the chance to be intimate with you if that’s something they felt they were lacking.
Well, you should be surprised to hear that it’s the other way around. If you have a cheating husband, he’ll probably avoid intimacy as much as possible. And it’s not just sex he’ll be avoiding. He will also prevent kissing, hugging, or being close to you in any way.
But men also cheat for other reasons, not just because they lack intimacy. But they will still act the same after making that mistake. Their guilt will make it too difficult for them to be close to you. And the vulnerability associated with intimacy will only enhance how strongly they feel that guilt. If you and your husband used to be all over each other, but now he can’t even look at you, that’s a sign.
There’s almost no other reason why he would avoid you and refuse to be intimate with you. Not even if something else happened in his life. He might struggle to tell you if he lost his job or got some bad news, but he wouldn’t turn you down and refuse to hold your hand or kiss you. So, if that happens, it’s a sign that infidelity has probably affected your relationship.
5. A Cheater Refuses to Talk to You
There are cases in which someone believes their partner is cheating, and they confront them. And, if the partner didn’t cheat on them, they will jump at the opportunity to prove their innocence. They will thoroughly explain any weird behavior and even allow the other person to look through their messages or call log if that will make them feel better.
At least they will be open to talking and not become defensive. Sure, they might be hurt by the assumption, but you’ll be able to talk things through with a partner who didn’t cheat. But, if you have a cheating husband, he’ll refuse to talk to you about any concerns you might have. He’ll stick to some story about working late or needing to leave town on business trips, and that’s it. And you won’t even be able to get any evidence from them.
Sure, forcing your partner to show you their messages is not okay. Everyone needs to have privacy, and that includes being able to have private conversations with other people. But, if you ask to see their phone and they refuse, that’s probably because they are hiding something. His priority should be to comfort you, even if that means allowing you to read a few texts.
So it’s normal to be suspicious if he refuses. But, even more of a giveaway is when he gets defensive if you try to confront him. If you bring up cheating and he starts trying to gaslight or manipulate you, he’s doing something suspicious behind your back.
Final Thoughts on Behaviors That Reveal a Cheating Husband
Having a cheating spouse is one of the most hurtful things anyone can experience in a relationship. The only thing you can do to make sure you don’t get blindsided is to learn the signs to identify them. Some men are more careful than others when they cheat, but all of them show some changes in behavior that can make you suspicious.
For example, a cheating husband will care much more for their appearance. They will find reasons to be away, avoid you, or even avoid intimacy with you. Even though they’ll be distant, they’ll shower you with gifts because they feel guilty. And they will avoid talking about the subject, no matter how hard you try to get information out of them.