We meet people for various reasons in our lives: to be accepted, loved or acknowledged. Sometimes, these folks come into our lives as friends, while other times they appear through an intense love affair that leaves us feeling exhausted. Attraction determines if this person serves as a mate or only as a friend. Unfortunately, in our own expectation of what we want in a mate, we might be discriminating and rejecting “The One” from actually being in our lives. “The One” might just be right under your nose and you don’t even know it.
You might be acting out and pulling away from your true love for various reasons.
Here are 3 signs that you may be pushing “The One” away:
1. “The One” is not packaged how you imagine.
From the time we are very young, we are conditioned by our social class. We learn from our family, the media, and the world who we are required to love. Every race, culture and religion instills their agenda. You might have met your perfect mate, but due to your beliefs, this person is not packaged the way you have been taught to accept as a partner. This person might not have the class or social status acceptable in your upbringing. Or, you may have high expectations of what he/she should make in material wealth and ambition. You might be looking at this person from a different angle and not allowing their love to be part of your life.
Imagine, if you will, the ability to surpass all programming and allow yourself the chance to put down the biased beliefs. The One might just be in your life right now as a friend or co-worker. This person is probably the one who listens to you at all hours. He or she is the one person you go crying when you are hurt. This person helps put perspective into your daily life. Sometimes, it’s the closest person or acquaintance who has been put in the “friend zone” and you are blinded by your childhood dreams of another “type” of person.
2. You are fearful of getting hurt.
Maybe you had some serious heartbreak in the past. You don’t even want to entertain the notion of falling in love. It was hard enough to survive and get to a healthy place. “The One” might be right there by you, but you won’t put your guard down long enough to experience it. He or she might be that one person who makes you laugh, brings joy, and understands your dreams. This person also knows the boundaries of your heart and will not try to push on the idea of being more than what they are in your life right now.
Sometimes, we are oblivious to our surroundings because we’ve been hurt. Out of survival, we move through life with blinders on and cannot see what is perfectly in front of us. But, if you were to see how this person cares about you, then you might just allow the safety of this union to become something more. This person might just be the greatest love of your life. Do not allow your past baggage to cloud the present. You might be letting the most amazing, healing and learning experience pass on by because you cannot find closure with your past heartache.
3. You truly don’t know what you want.
Perhaps might have a list of what you want in a partner. You might have the color of hair and eyes, the perfect height, and how they dress on that list. But, somehow you don’t really know what you want because you haven’t been clear with yourself. No other person can fulfill what you are missing in you. There might have been instances that you have met someone and you can’t entertain that person because you truly cannot see beyond your own issues. A new love might be enhancing parts of your dark soul, but you refuse to accept. This person might also be giving you worth, but you have a low self-esteem and cannot accept them.
In an article by Stef Daniel on Professorshouse.com, he writes on why people push away from the ones they love:
“From a psychological standpoint, pushing away the people you love the most is a very basic and common defense mechanism. As the relationship develops, people become inundated with their own fears and insecurities that they will not be accepted and therefore hurt by their loved one. So the cunning, and self-deprecating thing to do is to hurt them before they hurt you. Rather than allow them to see your faults, or for you to feel exposed – you begin ‘exposing’ theirs. Unfortunately, as you do this, you slowly but surely begin to throw roadblocks into the relationship and open the door for feelings of resentment and unhappiness.”
We are clouded by familiarity. It’s hard to leave our comfort zone of what we already know. This person might be lingering around you and you feel less worthy to have them than the reality. Your own issues will not allow the approach to happen. In order to be in any kind of loving relationship, we must make peace with our authentic self. We must love all parts of who we are and what we are. It is then that we can attract that which we desire. How can we attract “The One” when we don’t know we are also “The One” for them?