In life, we all just want someone to know us, to hear us, and to appreciate us. We want someone to listen to our crazy stories and philosophies at 3AM, call us just to say hello, and ask us those questions that other people didn’t. We just want someone to understand us, but not many people take the time to. In today’s fast-paced world where people have more distractions than ever, listening and even being interested in others seems to be fading quickly.
In an article on Huffington Post, psychologist Michelle Roya Rad says about active listening:
“People are attracted to good listeners, and they complain that there aren’t that many of them around these days. People are also skilled at telling a real from a phony, meaning someone who is really listening or someone who is just pretending to be listening. The bottom line is, one of the skills we need to learn when we want to connect to someone on a deep level is to learn to listen to them empathetically. Empathic listening means we put all of our baggage, distraction, need to control and beliefs as to how things “should” be outside of the interaction and attend fully to the person we are listening to. In other words, it will be about them, not us.”
If you really want to get to know someone on a deep level, the following questions can help.
20 Questions To Ask Someone That Will Reveal Their True Self
1. What’s your life motto or philosophy you live by?
They might answer with something simple like “Hakuna Matata,” or maybe they will have a more in-depth answer. However, this question will allow you to get to know their basic outlook on life. Do they have a negative or positive view of the world, and how do they react to it?
2. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
This will show you their self-esteem levels. If they can’t think of anything, this shows they don’t have a very positive self-image. If they do have an answer, however, it will show you what they think about themselves.
3. Do you follow a religion or spiritual practice?
This question may seem generic, but getting to know someone’s spiritual beliefs will allow you to see if you have compatibility with this person.
4. What was the best time of your life?
Again, the point is to show your interest in every aspect of their life. This question will let you into their past a little bit.
5. What was the worst thing that ever happened to you?
This might seem a bit dark, but to fully know someone, we have to know their pain, too.
6. What’s your biggest dream?
Many people, believe it or not, don’t want to share their dreams for fear of rejection. Letting someone open up in this way will make them trust you.
7. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
These types of questions will let you get to know their inner child, which is important in knowing someone deeply.
8. What was/is your biggest accomplishment?
Let them gloat for a minute – allowing someone to share their accomplishments will show that you really care.
9. Why do you think we’re all here?
This might be one of the most contemplated questions ever, but it’s worth asking. Their answer might give you a new perspective.
10. What was your best relationship?
This might reopen old wounds, but if they don’t want to answer, they’ll tell you. This question will show you an important part of their past.
11. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
This will show you what motivates them, and what they truly care about in the world.
12. Do you like your job? If not, what would you like to do instead?
Unfortunately, many people dislike their jobs. However, this question might open them up to new possibilities.
13. What are your favorite hobbies?
Basically, this shows you how they spend their free time, which is important in getting to know someone.
14. If money was no object, what would you do in life?
This will show you what the person would do if they had freedom to spend their time how they chose to.
15. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Relationships are important in someone’s life, and this will let you get to know them on a more intimate level.
16. What are you thankful for?
This will tell you what they value most in life.
17. What do you wish people understood more about you?
Many people feel misunderstood, and this will show you why they might feel this way.
18. If you could turn back time and do anything differently, would you?
This will tell you if the person has any regrets, and why.
19. What’s the craziest or most exciting thing you’ve ever done?
People love to share their memories of fun times, and it’s a great way to get to know someone’s life.
20. What do you think about most often?
People just want to share what’s on their mind, and allowing them a space to do so is the foundation of a great relationship.