Kids are weird and gross. If you have kids, then you already know. But, despite being totally inhibition-free and uncomfortably exploratory, they are also free with their love and affection.
Here are 20 moments from kids that make life more interesting:
1. They Play With Their Poop
..and Nutella. Not going to lie – I thought this was poop in the picture at first glance, but thankfully, they’re holding a big jar of Nutella.
They will dig it out of their diaper, rub it on themselves and throw it against the wall. It is like crap flavored play-dough to them.
2. They Repeat Things At The Most Awkward Times
Remember that “Dammit” you said a few weeks ago. Yeah, they will scream it out at the worst possible time and make you look like a crappy parent. You will try not to laugh when they do.
3. Kids Run Around Naked
They have no shame about their bodies. They will happily run full speed around the house buck naked. They think clothing is optional.
4. Everything Is a Canvas
They will color, draw, or paint anything, anywhere at anytime. They will draw pictures on your furniture. They will create elaborate masterpieces on the walls in their room. If you fall asleep, they may paint your hands or face with markers.
5. Simple Things Are Amazing to Kids
Everything, no matter how ordinary and mundane, is a long lost treasure to them.
6. An Intense Imaginary World
They live in a world that we cannot perceive. Imaginary friends, ghosts, monsters and make believe are the norm for them. They live in an incredible world full of wonder and amazement that we left behind as we aged.
7. They Eat With Gusto
They shove food in their face. They rub it all over themselves and their clothes. They throw it around the room. To them, food is another toy as well as nourishment.
8. Kids Have No Filter
They will tell you exactly what they are thinking without tact. If you are talking too much, they will tell you to “zip it.” There is no filter also between their love and you. They will tell you often, and with gusto, how much they love you.
9. They Will Talk To Anyone
There are no strangers to them. They will talk to everyone they pass by even if it is just to say “hi.”
10. They Live At Full Speed
There is no slow mo for them. It is either standing still or running at full speed. They crave excitement and new experiences. They suck the marrow out of life.
11. Kids Will Fight To Stay Awake
If you have ever seen a kid fall asleep while eating, then you know what we mean. No matter how tired they are, they will fight to stay awake and do stuff. To them, sleep is the enemy and they resist it mightily.
12. They Are Not Afraid To Boogie Down
They will dance anywhere they hear music. If a phone ringtone has music, they will give you a 5 second dance party. They dance in their car seat or in the frozen section of the supermarket.
13. They Will Lie Right To Your Face
They will tell you they have never heard of chocolate cake with their faces and hands covered in the stuff.
14. Kids Want To Try Everything
They want to do everything you are doing. They want to eat whatever you are eating. They want to talk with whomever you are talking to. They want to try everything they can.
15. They Will Poop Anywhere It Strikes Them
They will poop wherever the mood strikes them. There is no holding it in or back for them. They have things to do and that sh*t is just holding them back. They will poop in the grocery store cereal isle, in the tub, in the pool or on Santa’s lap.
16. Like Having a Perpetually Drunk Little Friend
They slur their speech, talk nonsense, throw up on themselves, wet themselves and say weird things. It is like having that drunk friend you know inhabiting a tiny person in your backseat.
17. Kids Put Everything In Their Mouths
They will stroll out of your bedroom sucking on your vibrator like a lollipop. They will sneak up and put your toe in their mouth. They will find an old gummi bear that rolled under the table a week ago and pop that sucker into their mouth. They will eat dog vomit off the floor.
18. They Are Houdinis
They will escape whatever sort of confinement you put them in. They will wiggle out of car seats, backpack leashes and their clothes. They are little escape artists and you have to keep your head on a swivel at all times.
19. They Have The Craziest Dreams
They will tell you long, convoluted stories about the craziest things. You will become convinced that your three year old is secretly doing drugs when they are sleeping.
20. Kids Lick Everything
They will lick the table when out at a restaurant. They will lick your face, the dog or the wall in a public building. They are driven to explore and have no shame about what looks weird to other people. They think, “What does that taste like” and then go find out.