Your relationship is stuck in a rut, wearing old habits and worn out arguments. Time to makeover your relationship if it’s showing some of these 11 signs.
11 Signs It’s Time For A Relationship Makeover
1. You’ve stopped listening.
Where did your partner say they were going to be tonight? You don’t know because you were tuning them out while they were speaking. Misunderstandings and miscommunication lead to hurt feelings. By not listening, you are inflicting hurt on your partner.
Michael P. Nichols, author of The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships, says that ‘We hurt each other unnecessarily by failing to acknowledge what the other one has to say.’ Nichols says that it can be a burden at times to sustain the attention that is required to deeply listen, but that is all part of a healthy relationship.
2. You’re emotionally cheating.
You might need a relationship makeover if you have kept in touch with past romantic partners or are checking out potential new ones. You haven’t actually done the deed with anyone yet, but you’re keeping your options open. If you have a friend to whom you confide things that you wouldn’t tell your current partner, and who you think has romantic possibilities, you are an emotional cheater.
Cyber infidelity is a high tech way to cheat on your spouse, and social media makes this easy. If they find out about your online fling, your partner may be just as upset as if you had actually hooked up. A study in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy found that only 2.9% of people who read a story about an online fling would not consider it to be cheating on a relationship.
3. You can’t picture the future with your partner.
Where will you be in 5 years? Maybe single, but probably not with your current partner. If you can’t imagine your future together then it’s possible that you don’t want to have a future in this relationship.
4. You’re planning for the end.
It’s not over yet, but you’re already wondering about the next phase of your life after this relationship is over. If you’re not the bread winner in the relationship, you may have even started stashing money away, knowing that you’ll need it for when you two separate. The fact that you’re planning for when, not if, you even ever would break up, is a sign that it’s time for a relationship makeover.
5. You’re physically unavailable.
Your libido is either dead or on life support. You can’t remember how many days, weeks or months it has been since you had sex. The last time your partner acted romantic toward you, you either weren’t in the mood or you turned them down because you were upset about something that they had done earlier.
6. Communication has broken down.
Your relationship is due for a makeover if you’re not able to express your feelings to your partner without an argument. If you say that you’re hurt, they get defensive. If your partner says that they’re stressed, you respond with anger. Emotions are all over the place and no one is feeling supported.
7. You have changed.
Talk about a makeover; if you think back on who you were in the beginning of your relationship, that person is not who you are now. You’ve changed in significant ways and your partner either hasn’t changed or has grown apart from you.
8. You’re an emotional wreck.
Negative emotions that you used to experience less often have been much more common. Depression, anxiety, anger, fear, frustration and/or stress have become feelings that you’re way too familiar with now.
9. You spend less time together.
You used to go everywhere together, but lately your partner and you head off somewhere on your own. If you’re enjoying time away from your partner rather than time with them, it’s a sign that it’s time for a relationship makeover.
10. You keep score.
Every time your partner says or does something to hurt you, you make a mental note; Partner 1, Me 0. Every time you feel neglected, unappreciated, or unloved, your partner racks up another point. This is not a game. Your partner doesn’t win by racking up points, you lose by counting them.
For that matter, why are you only scoring the negatives? It’s definitely time for a relationship makeover if you never score the hugs or compliments. Or maybe the problem is that you haven’t received any lately?
11. You’ve thought about going to a counselor.
Do you need a professional to help you? It could be the step that gives your relationship a makeover. Many couples who seek out a therapist regret not having done so earlier.
If the previous 10 signs are pointing to something needing to change, seeking the help of a therapist is a good solution. Couples can get expert guidance in person, or even in a confidential online therapy session.