Relationships are tough and require a lot of energy and work. Most importantly, they require mutual respect and compromise. Respecting not only each others opinions, but also respecting each others needs and personal boundaries is very important to any healthy relationship. You need to be able to listen to each others needs and compromise so that both people are satisfied. You have to find a way to meet each other halfway and be willing to be vulnerable and talk about tough issues. Also, be respectful and provide a safe, open environment when your partner needs to express themselves about a tough issue. So, what are some signs that your relationship is in trouble?
Here are 10 warning signs to look out for:
If you or your partner are criticizing each other over small things like how you dress or the way he eats, then that is a sign your relationship is in trouble. Nitpicking will eventually drive someone away no matter how much they initially loved you. People in a relationship need to feel that their partner not only loves them, but respects them and their choices.
You Assume the Worst
If you are so insecure that you automatically assume the worst of your partner, it shows a profound lack of trust in the relationship. Without that trust, the relationship will have a hard time moving forward. If they were just stuck in traffic but you come after them based on your fears rather than actual events, you will drive a wedge between yourself and your partner. Give them the benefit of the doubt until they prove themselves untrustworthy by their own actions.
Ghosts of Relationships Past
If you are blaming your partner for incidentally doing something that reminds you of a former partner, then you have not dealt with the issues of the prior relationship. Your partner is not responsible for the actions of anyone else. Once you have dealt with that old ghost, then you can focus on your partner.
Contempt for Your Partner
If you or your partner is disrespectful or insulting of the other, then that is a significant sign that your relationship is in trouble. Without mutual respect, your relationship has nowhere to go but down. Complement each other instead. Build each other up instead of trying to knock each other down.
You Stop Doing Things You Love
If you stop doing the things you used love to do when you were single because you fear your partner’s complaints or jealousy, then you two have an unresolved control issue. You should both be able to have full lives and spend time away from one another without anger, jealousy or resentment.
You Socialize Away From Each Other
If you both can’t stand each other’s families or friends, then you both begin to disintegrate as a couple as you spend less and less time together. While it is important to have your own social circles, it is also important to set aside time to be together.
Arguments Escalate Quickly
Every couple argues, but if your arguments escalate to name calling and shouting each other down, then you are in serious trouble. Healthy couples discuss their opinions or disagreements in a respectful manner. If you both are too mad to talk about it in the moment, then take a short break away from each other and come back an hour later when you have cooled off to discuss it without getting enraged.
If you or your partner withdraw into your protective shell and refuse to engage with the other, this is called turtling up. It is also called the “Silent Treatment” or putting up a wall. This usually occurs well into the relationship and after many fights as either one or both of the people involved is angry, frustrated and tired of the issue not being resolved. Go to your partner with an olive branch, open up about your issue and try to work it out in a calm manner.
You Can’t be Vulnerable with Them
If you don’t feel comfortable opening up to them because of a real fear of being ridiculed or dismissed, then that is a sign of a deep dysfunction in the relationship. It is a matter of trust, and if you can’t trust them to not hurt you, then there will be no meaningful intimacy between you.
The Same Argument Over and Over
If you as a couple argue about the same issue over and over again, it is not being resolved. As long as it is not resolved, it will become a wedge that will eventually drive you apart. In order to resolve it, you both have to be willing to compromise and effect meaningful change.
These signs don’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed. But, they mean that there is a serious breakdown within the relationship that needs to be repaired. Anything can be repaired if both parties love one another and are committed to change and compromise.