Being in a relationship is exciting, but emotionally unavailable women can complicate the experience. You or your partner might be emotionally unavailable, but it’s not always easy to identify unless you know what to look for. A fear of commitment is something people typically plan for when falling for someone,
You might assume you’ll find someone who loves how you do, but that’s not always how it works out. The differences don’t always show until later in the relationship when it’s time to take the next step.
Emotionally unavailable women struggle to get close to others, including romantically or friendly. They tend to keep their loved ones at a distance to allow themselves to escape if it gets too deep. During this time, commitment gets tested, and you’ll recognize emotionally unavailable women.
Whether you or your partner are emotionally unavailable, recognizing the signs can help you identify the issue. Then, you can determine which steps to take next or if you want to stay in the relationship.
NOTE: We acknowledge that males, too, can have closed hearts. But because they exhibit varying behaviors, we discuss them in a separate article.
What It Means to Be Emotionally Unavailable
When romantic partners share a healthy connection, discuss feelings, and respond to one another, it signifies emotional availability. When someone lacks emotional availability, they struggle with connecting on a deeper level. They might distance themselves when things go beyond the superficial.
The reasoning for this unavailability differs depending on the person, but anyone in this situation should focus on self-growth. It shows that there are emotional issues they must heal and grow from.
Emotionally unavailable women often experience detachment and have a guarded heart to protect themselves. It often accompanies an unhealthy or toxic relationship, with emotional unavailability causing a fear of commitment.
Ten Behaviors of Emotionally Unavailable Women
Knowing the signs of emotionally unavailable women can help you identify if you or your partner struggle. It can help improve the relationship or guide you toward your next step.
1 – Emotionally Unavailable Women Don’t Want to Meet One Another’s Friends and Families
If a woman doesn’t want to meet your friends and family and doesn’t want you to meet hers, it’s a sign of emotional unavailability. Waiting is acceptable early in a relationship, but it’s time for introductions after a few months.
Keeping these aspects of the relationship separate is an emotionally unavailable person’s way of shielding herself from vulnerability. She knows that meeting her closest friends and family involves commitment, so it’s something she’ll avoid as long as possible. Plus, she’ll turn down any requests for her to meet your closest circle for the same reasons.
2 – A Fear of Commitment Makes Her Inconsistent and Unclear
Unavailable women are often inconsistent about what they want. One day she’ll seem interested in deepening your connection, but the next day she may disappear or seem disinterested. Sometimes she’ll take a while to respond to texts and offer a vague reason for not responding.
You might even notice that she seems irritated when you disturb her, but she does the same to you without a second thought. It’s hard to understand what she wants from you when she behaves one way and wants you to do differently.
You might even specifically ask her what she wants from the relationship and receive an unclear answer. She won’t tell you where she sees things going because she can’t engage in deep discussions. Her responses will be vague and may not match her behavior.
3 – She Avoids Labeling the Relationship or Says She’s Not Ready
If you’ve been with someone for a while and she still doesn’t label the relationship, it indicates emotional unavailability. They don’t want to commit, and labels can make them anxious.
Emotionally unavailable women will say they don’t want to define your romance, making excuses why it should stay as it is now. She might do this to keep her options open, avoid making plans or protect herself from life-changing decisions. Sometimes she’ll say she doesn’t want to give up her independence or isn’t ready for a serious relationship.
4 – Emotionally Unavailable Women May Have Feelings for Another Person
If a woman still has feelings for someone else, she won’t be available for another relationship. She might be in touch with her ex and still have feelings for them. If this is the case, it’ll be hard for her to move on and commit to your relationship because her heart isn’t in it.
Other times the person she has feelings for isn’t an ex but someone else. She might be into someone else if she spends lots of time and gives energy and attention to them.
5 – She Doesn’t Want to Discuss Feelings
Emotionally unavailable women aren’t interested in discussing feelings and will avoid it at all costs. She won’t ask about your feelings and will change the subject or give vague responses if you bring them up.
This kind of woman will also struggle with empathizing when you discuss your emotions. She might pull away when you tell her about things in your life rather than supporting you.
You might also notice that she won’t discuss her feelings, often deflecting the discussion back to you. It’s hard for her to be intimate and vulnerable, so avoiding emotional conversations will be a top priority for her.
Sometimes this behavior stems from learning it at an early age. Or, it could be that the woman doesn’t know how to vocalize her feelings.
6 – Emotionally Unavailable Women Do Not Engage in Deep Conversation
Deep discussion is difficult for emotionally unavailable women, preventing you from getting to know one another. She doesn’t want to reveal herself, so she tries to prevent you from giving too many details about yourself. If you pressure her, she’ll walk away or distance herself so she doesn’t have to engage in the discussion.
7 – She Avoids Confrontation and Conflict
Communication will be an ongoing issue in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable woman. She won’t want to talk about feelings, your relationship, or anything else that isn’t surface-level. If you confront her, she’ll get defensive and do what she can to end the discussion.
She’ll view every discussion as a potential argument, creating negative tension before it begins. These women think it’s better to pretend there aren’t issues rather than addressing and overcoming problems. You might notice detachment in these situations, making it seem like she isn’t listening.
They’ll maintain a guarded heart so that they don’t have to engage in confrontation or conflict. It might result in relationship problems, but the alternative option is too overwhelming.
8 – Women Who Fear Commitment Strive for a Perfect Partner
A woman with perfectionist standards might not have an easy time connecting emotionally. She wants to stay available for the man of her dreams, no matter how far out of reach.
No one is perfect, so she won’t find what she wants until she lets go of unrealistic ideals. Until she refocuses, she’ll find every minor flaw as a dealbreaker, potentially getting angry over small issues.
9 – Women Who Fear Commitment Have Trust Issues
A woman with trust issues is typically emotionally unavailable. Without reason, she might say she doesn’t trust you. It often occurs because she fears being hurt or has dated someone untrustworthy.
A woman must heal from whatever pain caused the trust issues if she wants to get over them. When she recovers, it can help her become available for a healthy relationship.
10 – She Doesn’t Put in an Effort
Emotionally unavailable women don’t always put much effort into relationships. If you date someone like this, you’ll likely feel you’re the only one working on keeping the romance alive. They won’t want to engage in problem-solving or discussing your relationship.
One of the reasons she won’t put in an effort is that it’s harder for her to be available and open herself to you. The hard work might drain her, becoming more exhausting than fulfilling.
Can Emotionally Unavailable Women Change?
It’s possible to break through the defenses of emotionally unavailable women, but it takes work. She must want to overcome and heal from trauma and pain, which involves identifying the underlying cause first.
Therapy can help her work through her issues, or you could consider couples counseling. In other cases, giving her more time can help her open up and become available. Every situation is different, and the healing path will vary, too.
However, you shouldn’t stick around if her behavior negatively impacts your life. Considering your priorities and desires is essential in finding someone you’ll be happy with.
Being close to an emotionally absent person can negatively impact your mental health. It requires patience and doesn’t always work out the way you hope. However, it could go well if you’re willing to put in the effort.
Final Thoughts on Emotionally Unavailable Women
Emotionally unavailable women struggle with discussing emotions and building a deeper connection. Working through it with her fear of commitment can be tricky, but it’s possible if you’re willing to put in the effort. Helping her find a solution can help you develop a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Identifying their behaviors is the first step to overcoming the situation. Once you know the underlying problem, you can decide what to do from there. Remember to prioritize yourself and your mental health because you deserve a happy and meaningful romance.