If things are tough on the home from right now (and have been for some time), do you press the eject button or do you press on?
Before throwing your partner’s things in a bin liner and calling a divorce lawyer, let us take a trip to the beautiful islands of Hawaii. Whether you are in Wooloongabba, Wyoming, or Warwickshire, envision the warmth of the sand on Waikiki Beach between your toes. Feel the refreshing Trade Winds gently blowing. Let your imagination comfort you for a moment and let us be one with the indigenous Hawaiian people, because part of our journey today involves teachings from Ho’oponopono. As we go through the following list, the parts of Ho’oponopono will become apparent and will be explained in relation to how to remedy difficulty in relationships.
10 Things To Tell Your Partner When Your Relationship Is Difficult
1. “What do you need from me right now?”
Here is the normal scenario in Wyoming, Wooloongabba or Warwickshire: There is a disagreement or argument brewing. Wife wants to fight. Husband wants to withdraw. She gives chase, hoping for a reaction and he normally tries to stay silent. Naturally, these roles can be reversed.
Asking the above question to your partner tells them subtly that you want to connect, not withdraw or avoid. This will in turn calm them down, which gives way to civilised discussion and possible problem solving.
2. “How can I help to relieve some of your burden today?”
The response could be as simple as a “please listen to me” after a long, hard day or as intimate as giving a nice back rub. This gives your partner an opportunity to let off steam in whichever way they choose. This shows that you are as cool as a cucumber under pressure, and not going bananas like a crazed monkey!
Asking your partner the above question tells them that you care for them despite what has gone on between you. You are in a relationship and both of you have the right to benefits of this relatinoship.
3. “I’m sorry.”
Be specific as to why and how.
Grab your sun-screen and your beach towel, folks. It is time to make our first stop in Hawaii. This is Ho’oponopono Rule #1. Being sorry, or minamina in Hawaiian. You know that you have done wrong and want to right that wrong, which breathes life into the lungs of a relationship, much like the aforementioned Trade Winds in the Hawaiian archipelago. Being specific about why you are sorry is important because it disarms anger more powerfully.
Next, talking about improving whatever foible had been involved can start to melt the Ice King/Queen. Example: “I apologise for not taking out the trash last night, Babe. I understand that the kitchen stinks because of my forgetful actions and I will be more aware next time.”
4. “Thank you.”
Be specific as to why.
Staying in Hawaii for this one. This is Ho’oponopono Rule #3. Being grateful is such an appealing trait and, as such, makes you a more attractive person. It works in Wyoming, Warwickshire, Wooloongabba, or Waikiki Beach. It makes your significant other want to do more things with you and for you because you let them know that you appreciate them. Especially so if you are thanking them for mundane tasks; people do not generally expect thanks for those. This following example is like having your feet caressed by the warm Pacific Ocean waters on the Hawaiian beach. Mahalo!
Example: “Thank you so much for taking out the trash last night, Honey. I really appreciate it when you take the time to do it, even though you had that important phone conference.”
5. “I’m proud of you.”
Feeling valued by your loved ones will give an ego boost, making the smallest of us feel like the tallest. Knowing that your good work is appreciated at home is deeply rewarding. Your source of pride does not have to be big news, like a promotion at work. You can express your pride in them coaching a grassroots sports team, or showing that you noticed when your partner was brave in the face of fear.
Example: “I am so proud of you for sticking up for that elderly lady. Many people would have avoided it, but not my sweetheart. You are my hero.”
6. “Our kids are lucky to have a mom/dad like you.”
Being told that you are a great role model for Trixie and Trevor is the stand-out compliment one parent can give to another, knowing how hard a task parenting is. If it comes from their other half, expect them to do somersaults in the living room. This compliment will surely bring a spring to their step!
Example: Thanks for taking the time to help Trixie/Trevor with that homework assignment. They definitely wouldn’t have gotten it done in time without your input. Our kids are lucky to have you”
7. “Please forgive me.”
Tell them why you are asking for forgiveness.
Asking for forgiveness and giving it is one of the hardest aspects of a couple’s relationship. To take the edge off, we are back in Hawaii with Ho’oponopono Rule #2. This is the continuation of Number 3, mending the damage already done, but Operation Kala is well underway. It is like climbing Diamond Head volcano on O’ahu; it is an arduous, sometimes scary journey, but the view from the top is spectacular.
Example: “Please forgive me for eyeing that Hawaiian lady in the grass skirt. I was insensitive and made you uncomfortable.”
8. “I love you.”
This can never be said too much, but tell them exactly what you love about them.
Unfortunately, this is our last visit to the Hawaiian archipelago with Ho’oponopono Rule #4. This is the sunset on a beautiful day of learning and discovery. To say “I love you” (or in Hawaiian “Aloha no au ia ‘oe”) is sacred within a family. Saying it often adds up in the brownie points chart. Do not forget to be specific about why you love your darling.
Example: “I love you because you are such a gentleman with my sister.”
Time to board the plane in Honolulu back to reality, unless Hawaii is your reality in which you are one lucky son/daughter of a gun!
9. “I’m going to make more of an effort to …”
This is important because your beau/belle deserves a partner who is always changing and growing as a person. They will in turn become a better partner. How much of a difference would it make to your relationship if you say you will change for the better, and then back those words up with action?
Example: “I will make more of an effort with the kids’ homework. I know I should have practiced Trixie’s twelve times tables with her yesterday. I will come home early today and help her with spelling.”
10. “Thank you for being someone I can respect.”
What are the odds on a relationship staying alive with someone you do not respect and admire? “Without respect, there is no love,” says the old adage. Knowing that you are respected at home breeds self-esteem, which can be transmitted into other areas of your life. A respected person is a happy person, after all.
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