8 Signs Someone Is Trying to Compete With You

8 Signs Someone Is Trying to Compete With You


Mounting an argument against the effectiveness of healthy competition is challenging. A competitive mindset fuels personal and collective advancement and achievement. It is especially healthy to compete when we seek to improve ourselves.

The problem is that so many of us compare ourselves to someone else. Naturally, if we don’t measure up to someone, we may (sometimes, subconsciously), initiate an unhealthy duel – otherwise known as a “competition.” Or, more accurately, unhealthy competition.

Corporate America is notorious for establishing a cut-throat, war-like environment of competition. Some primary and secondary schools also do this, albeit to a (hopefully) lesser extent.


The big question: does this sort of competition help people thrive?

Amy C. Edmondson, a writer for Harvard Business Review, says that organizations often ignorantly send the wrong message, hence nullifying any supposed “gains”:

“The explicit (and intended) message (of highly competitive environments) is that hard work is needed to be successful here. The implicit (and perhaps unintended) message is that your success occurs when others fail. In a competition, others must lose if you are to win…Self-preservation is a powerful force.”

In a team-based yet individualistically-competitive environment writes Edmondson. “…it’s natural to withhold information that might help others, or fail to help when help may be needed. Clearly, the message (discourages) teamwork. It’s hard to collaborate if you view (consciously or not) your colleague as the competition…”

In essence, what’s the use of individual competition if it thwarts teamwork – and team productivity?

When Competition Gets Personal

If you achieve a modicum of success in anything, you become a target for competition.

People express (or not) these oppositional attitudes in different ways. You may not know someone is competing with you. On the other hand, others (out of immaturity) go out of their way to let you know they’re coming for you. Should the former occur, no big deal and zero harm done. The latter scenario, however, can create a hostile environment – and things can quickly turn bad.

In such cases, knowing when a person is “gunning” for you is beneficial. With the knowledge, you can avoid, disengage, and/or report them (e.g., in a work environment.)

With that said, here are 8 signs someone is trying to compete with you:

“I’m not in competition with anybody but myself. My goal is to beat my last performance.” ~ Celine Dion

1. They’re boastful

A rival will often exaggerate their capabilities, achievements, and talents. Unsurprisingly, they are more likely to boast when you are earning recognition for your hard-won successes. These exaggerations occur for one reason: their own insecurities.

2. They modulate your success

There are few things worse in this world than a sore loser. People who disregard or downplay the successes of others are as toxic as they are annoying. People who envy you the most are the ones who most desire what you possess. With this in mind, it is in your best interest to just avoid such people.

3. They gossip

“Tom’s really not that great a salesman,” “Anne really isn’t that smart,” or similar sentiments (names and job titles interchangeable!) are expressed by those who are engaged in unhealthy competition with someone else. Engaging in gossip is an act of immaturity – and should be dealt with.


compete with you

4. They always want to know how you’re doing

No, they don’t care about your success in this case. While they may approach you with a smile – perhaps even engage in a bit of playful banter – it’s a front to achieve one thing: to find out how they’re measuring up. Watch their expression quickly turn to sour grapes upon hearing anything they perceive as self-defeating (a.k.a., your successes.)

5. They celebrate your failures

A person jealously competing with you gets pleasure from your “failures.” The only thing worse than deviously celebrating your setbacks?

Your subscription could not be saved. Please try again.
ThankThank you! Your free book preview is in your email. If you don’t see it immediately, please check your spam or promotions folder.