We have people who enter our lives for many reasons. Some become friends, lovers, or partners, while others help us throughout many obstacles. Then there are others who force us to ask, “What is this person teaching me and why is my patience being tested?” There are many types of people, but here are four personality types that you want to avoid. Their characteristics are exaggerated, annoying, pessimistic and toxic.
Here are 4 negative types of people you want to avoid:
1. The User.
This personality is egotistical in nature. They are master manipulators who use deception to get what they want, without any regard to anyone’s feelings. Users often rationalize their behavior to make sense of their actions. They also play the victim card to their advantage. As humans we are often fogged by our emotions. The user feeds on those who are kind and sensitive. They are the bullies of the world. Once they are done getting what they want the person is left to pick up the pieces. Users are quiet hurricanes who pass through our lives with tremendous destructive powers. They take, attempt to intimidate and insult. If you are among this sort of person the best thing you can do is be assertive, try not to engage in their drama, and set boundaries. Users don’t like the word “no.” They prey on those who they know will do favors for them.
“The successful man doesn’t use others, other people use the successful man, for above all the success if of service.” ~ Mark Caine
2. The Gossiper.
People who feel insecure about themselves will spread rumors and gossip about others. This makes them feel better. The gossiper is a toxic thread in any group of folks. They feed on the misfortunes and mistakes of others, often times exaggerating the truth. They take and pull from whatever source they need to in order to get attention. These folks create stories out of boredom, for power and control, jealousy, revenge, and popularity. The best thing you can do is not partake in their stories. Do not ask questions. Stop their nonsense the minute they start to speak of someone else. The gossiper hurts three people with their words: themselves, the person who is listening, and the person who they are gossiping about. If you don’t stop their story-telling you might be next on their agenda.
“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.” ~ Socrates
3. The Blamer.
You know this one well. Everyone has one around them. This is the person who has the victimization personality. They take little responsibility for anything they do. They point the finger to anyone and everyone around them. This is also the martyr. Blamers lack self-control and have very low self-esteems. This personality will do anything possible to deviate blame from themselves. If you are among this type of person the best thing to do is shift the conversation, take charge of it by questioning everything, and re-affirm where accountability really is with them. You are not responsible for anyone but yourself. Do not allow this persona to feed you with their insecurities. Everyone makes mistakes and this is where the blamer loves to project issues to anyone but themselves.
“Blaming others is an act of refusing to take responsibility. When a person can’t accept the fact or the reality, they blamed another person or the situation instead of taking accountability.” ~ Dee Dee Artner
4. The Complainer.
Do you have one of these in your office? You know them by the way they are dramatically exhibiting the woe-is-me attitude. Coping with this type of person requires listening and asking for clarification. They might feel as if they are being accused but it is the only means to effectively get to the bottom of the complaint. You should not agree with the complainer. Do not apologize for them either. You must be supportive while being serious and do not participate on the issue. Detaching from complainers pushes them to complain even harder. They can’t help but need attention by making sure everyone around them is hit with some negative story.
“Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won’t make us happier.” ~ Randy Paush, The Last Lecture
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Some people go through incredible lengths to be difficult. Our personalities are created by our experiences. Dr. Nando Pelusi, states in Psychology Today, that “Resisting the trap set by difficult people is easier if you’re aware of your vulnerability to getting hurt and then feeling angry.” You do not have to be anyone’s target when they choose to be toxic and negative. The only thing you can do is to avoid participating in their drama.