“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman
Some things that happen in a marriage should stay in the marriage. In other words, other people don’t need to be privy to the details. Sure, it can be tempting to tell your friends everything that happens in your marriage; however, sharing the secrets of your marriage can cause undue stress. It can even put an unhealthy strain on your marriage. Relationship experts have comprised a list of “secrets” in your marriage. These are things that should always stay between you and your spouse.
Here Are 5 Marriage Secrets to Never Tell Anyone
1. Private Photos
This one should be pretty self-explanatory, but some people don’t realize that revealing photos should never be shared outside your marriage. Even if you think your spouse looks really good in the sexy selfies that they send you, you definitely shouldn’t be showing them to other people. There should be certain boundaries that you have with your spouse, as well as with other people. Secrets that should be kept between you and your spouse include anything that has to do with their body, especially on an intimate level.
2. Money problems
Nothing can put pressure on a marriage faster than money problems. Most people don’t want to admit that they’re having money problems. Even though it might be tempting to complain about financial issues to your friends, try to keep such matters to yourself. You and your spouse can work out a financial plan without having other people inject their opinions on your financial situation. While you might want to vent to your friends about money problems, this can cause more issues than it solves. Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., says that talking to your spouse about money issues is the best way to release related tensions. Set aside “neutral time” to talk about money problems, rather than setting aside “friend time” and discussing something that should remain confidential in your marriage.
3. Details of arguments
Arguments and disagreements are entirely normal in a relationship. You’ll likely agree that sometimes the arguments aren’t even worth the breath we use to fight them. But, that’s just life! The important part is knowing how to compromise and work through a disagreement. Once the fight is over, there’s no reason to drag it back to the surface. That includes talking about the argument with your friends and family and hashing out the details of the disagreement. Not only will it probably upset you all over again, but if your partner isn’t there to put up any sort of defense, you could be giving the wrong perception of your spouse to friends and family.
4. Your sex life
Television and movies make it seem like everyone talks about their sex life with their friends. The truth is, this is a marriage secret that should definitely be kept between you and your spouse. Again, this is an issue of boundaries. You want to make sure your spouse feels safe sharing all levels of intimacy with you. You never know if the things you tell your friends will get back around to your spouse. If so, this can cause a lot more issues than you might have anticipated. Don’t give in to the temptation to complain or brag about your sex life to your friends. If you and your spouse are facing issues in your sex life, Laurie Wilson, a certified sex therapist, suggests seeing a counselor for help. Sex therapy can be especially helpful, as it is a form of talk therapy that can help couples navigate problems in their sex lives.
5. What your partner really thinks of them
If you’re in a relationship that your family might not approved of, there’s no reason to fuel the fire by sharing how your spouse really feels about them. The same goes for your friends. In a perfect world, everyone would get along with your spouse. But with different personalities clashing from time to time, it’s just not realistic that everyone will “just get along.” If your partner and one of your friends generally don’t see eye to eye, you probably don’t want to tell your friend what your partner said in confidence about them. The same also goes for keeping quiet about what your friends and family think of them. There’s only going to be unnecessary drama when that happens.
Secrets aren’t always a bad thing. Keeping them between yourself and your partner can ensure that the relationship doesn’t face any more outside stress factors than will naturally arise in any committed relationship. Your friends and family don’t have to know every detail of your marriage. Some things are better left unsaid!