Do you reflect back and miss an old relationship?
Why on earth would you miss Ed if you broke up six months ago? Then again, you did spend last year’s spring break in the Caribbean with him. In fact, it was the wildest time ever and you just cannot get the good times out of your head. Not to worry, lads, you can substitute ‘Ed’ for any other name. You did receive imagination as standard, after all!
Is this OK? Of course. So, where do I draw the line? The old road has too many potholes to be traveled on, which is why you left it in the first place. Therefore, getting to Miss-Him City is fine but reaching Lake Want-Him-Back further on is a no-no.
Why do you miss Ed?
As the old saying goes, “Sometimes, it’s not the person you miss. It’s the feeling you had when you were with them.” Like last year’s spring break is one small example of this, you miss the sharing of everything: laughter, crying, talking, falling out, making up, making out, that late “false alarm” (phew!), and plenty others. You may have spent years or even decades with Ed and all of this cannot and should not be forgotten, for it has helped you to grow and become the person you are today.
Why It’s Healthy To Miss An Old Relationship (Even If You Don’t Want It Back)
Vikki Stark of Psychology Today suggests that “to get your life back, you need to become a fighter for your happiness! You need to feel the fear but put your head down and keep going.” This means get out into the world and do stuff with your crazy clan of fun friends and family, even if you do not feel like it. “Keep fighting until you can feel proud of yourself,” adds Stark. When you focus on other things for longer periods of time, your life becomes more fulfilling and you leave that wretched rut behind.
If Stark’s way does not do it for you, here is another: hold a funeral in your mind and “mourn” the death of the relationship. It can be as short or long as you want, within reason. You do not want it too short as to not let him go completely, nor too long as to cling on to the very last threat of hope that you will get back together with him. Getting rid of items that remind you of him is also important, these are props only for the lovesick, emotional hooks to reel you back. To be free from this torture, you have to burn, delete, throw in the trash, do what is necessary to release yourself. This can be part of your “ceremony” or after it. At the end of the day, they were a part of your life, but not anymore.
The Rewards for Moving On
Unlike on a laptop, there is no “undo” option for the past. Once it is done, it cannot be undone. Moving on is so painful but so rewarding. When you allow it to pass, you let a new world of dating possibilities into your life. Fred has liked you ever since you met a few years ago at the coffee shop but you friendzoned him for some reason, Ted keeps texting but you “love him like a brother” and Ned went to that concert with you just after your break-up but it “was not the right time to start dating again”. Think Penny and Leonard of The Big Bang Theory.
Remember, the word ‘miss’ signifies this: The relationship missed the target, set by you.