When people fall in love, all caution tends to be thrown out the window. The idea that you might have found the love of your life makes you willing to do anything for that person. Whatever they need or whatever they ask you, you’d do it. Or, on the contrary, you might be way too cautious about falling in love. You might be trying to shield your heart and stay away for anyone who could be a potential new relationship.
Love is one of the trickiest things to handle in life. There’s no way to master love. No matter how cautious you try to be, you are bound to make mistakes. But, when it comes to falling for someone new, people seem to make even more mistakes than usual. Not only that, but we tend to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
Starting a new relationship and finding new love can be immensely fulfilling. But you also need to know how to build that relationship if you want to ensure you don’t get hurt. So, here are three of the most common mistakes people make when they fall in love.
3 Mistakes People Make When They Fall in Love
Keep reading to know what they are and how to avoid those errors.
1. They Don’t Know How to Manage Trust
Managing any interpersonal relationship is complex. When that relationship is romantic, it becomes even more complex. And that’s mostly because people don’t know how to manage their trust. Sometimes people trust too much. Other times, they trust too little or don’t trust at all. If you don’t find a way to manage your trust, you won’t have a good base for a new relationship.
When people have trust issues, that’s probably because they have gone through some traumatic events in the past. If your exes were abusive or lied and cheated on you, it’s normal to have some issues trusting again. But these trust issues can also come from childhood trauma. People whose parents didn’t communicate and were strict will also struggle to trust. People dealing with mental health issues, like depression and anxiety, can also struggle with having trust issues.
Understandably, you’d want to get to know someone properly before trusting them. But having unresolved trust issues doesn’t help you or your partner. If you have trust issues, you are probably afraid to let people in and create intimacy. Your mistrust could interfere with the relationship, as you’ll likely project your insecurities on your partner. You might have baseless suspicions that you allow to blow up into full-on arguments.
A romantic partner should be there to help you work through your issues, but they don’t have the responsibility to put up with your trust issues. If you don’t fix them, you’ll drive your partner away. Sometimes, the problem isn’t that you trust too little. Is that you trust too much. Some people are naturally more susceptible, and that can be a detriment. Whenever you look for a new relationship, you need to be a little cautious.
Even if a potential partner seems like the most fantastic person alive, that might not be the case. But when people fall in love, they can be blinded and overlook critical signs. Remember that it takes time to get to know someone. Just because you like a person, it doesn’t mean you should give them all your trust.
Trusting someone too much can come back to bite you because you won’t be ready for a potential betrayal. That said, it’s not like you shouldn’t trust people. You need to be patient and make sure you know someone before giving them all your trust. You need to learn that people need to earn your trust. Of course, you might assume someone might betray you because you’ll be prepared for the worst. And, you can give them more of your trust whenever they do something to prove their worth.
2. They Don’t Know How to Enforce Boundaries in a New Relationship
Boundaries are potentially the most important thing you can have in a relationship. No matter how well you think you get along with someone, things will always make you uncomfortable. Just as we have rules in society to ensure no one gets hurt, we can have some rules in relationships. Some people believe that boundaries force relationships, but that’s not true.
Learning to enforce boundaries can deepen your connection with your partner. It also creates a safe communication environment and lets others know how you feel. When people fall in love, things like boundaries are the last thing on their minds. When you feel blissful and things flow, you probably don’t feel the need to have a stern talk about rules. And that’s fine in the first few weeks of the relationship. But, if you never talk about boundaries, your relationship could be at risk.
Some people associate the need for boundaries with toxic relationships. But you don’t need to be harmful to make a mistake and unintentionally hurt someone. And that’s precisely what limitations aim to avoid. Imagine that your partner’s love language is physical touch, but you have an issue with being constantly touched. Maybe you don’t like it, or perhaps you have some trauma associated with being touched. If you don’t communicate and don’t specifically ask your partner not to do that, there’s no way for them to know they need to stop.
So, they might continue touching you, which can create problems in the future. This issue could build over time and blow up into a big fight. Or imagine your partner is a big spender, but you are more of a money saver. In that case, how much you spend and why will need to be discussed, especially if the relationship becomes serious. If you have hopes of building a life with that person, you need to talk about what each of you needs and how to respect that.
All you need to do to create healthy boundaries is talk about your needs and wants in a relationship. Talk about your values and share how you view life. Talk about what you can compromise on and what’s a definite deal-breaker. As long as you are being open and honest with each other, you should have no problem enforcing good boundaries. And, if you see that your partner isn’t available to this idea, that’s a sign you might be wasting your time.
3. They Ignore the Red Flags When They Fall in Love With an Unsuitable Person
When someone falls in love, they don’t just fall in love with a person. They fall in love with the idea of a person, with what that person could be. People do this because they hope to find love like the one described in the stories. But that makes it so we ignore many red flags that should be deal-breakers. In other words, love can make people blind, and that can be dangerous. We ignore the red flags because we risk ending up in toxic and abusive situations that can make our lives a living hell.