When people fall in love, all caution tends to be thrown out the window. The idea that you might have found the love of your life makes you willing to do anything for that person. Whatever they need or whatever they ask you, you’d do it. Or, on the contrary, you might be way too cautious about falling in love. You might be trying to shield your heart and stay away for anyone who could be a potential new relationship.
Love is one of the trickiest things to handle in life. There’s no way to master love. No matter how cautious you try to be, you will make mistakes. But, when it comes to falling for someone new, people seem to make even more mistakes than usual. Not only that, but we tend to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
Starting a new relationship and finding new love can be immensely fulfilling. But you also need to know how to build that relationship if you want to ensure you don’t get hurt. So, here are three of the most common mistakes people make when they fall in love.
3 Mistakes People Make When They Fall in Love
Keep reading to know what they are and how to avoid those errors.
1. They Don’t Know How to Manage Trust
Managing any interpersonal relationship is complex. When that relationship is romantic, it becomes even more complex. And that’s mostly because people don’t know how to manage their trust. Sometimes people trust too much. Other times, they trust too little or don’t trust at all. If you don’t find a way to manage your trust, you won’t have a good base for a new relationship.
When people have trust issues, that’s probably because they have gone through some traumatic events in the past. If your exes were abusive, lied, and cheated on you, it’s normal to have some issues trusting again. But these trust issues can also come from childhood trauma. People whose parents didn’t communicate and were strict will also struggle to trust. People dealing with mental health issues, like depression and anxiety, can also struggle with having trust issues.
Understandably, you’d want to get to know someone properly before trusting them. But having unresolved trust issues doesn’t help you or your partner. If you have trust issues, you are probably afraid to let people in and create intimacy. Your mistrust could interfere with the relationship, as you’ll likely project your insecurities on your partner. You might have baseless suspicions that you allow to blow up into full-on arguments.
A romantic partner should be there to help you work through your issues, but they aren’t responsible for putting up with your trust issues. If you don’t fix them, you’ll drive your partner away. Sometimes, the problem isn’t that you trust too little. Is that you trust too much. Some people are naturally more susceptible, and that can be a detriment. Whenever you look for a new relationship, you need to be a little cautious.
Even if a potential partner seems like the most fantastic person alive, that might not happen. But when people fall in love, they can be blinded and overlook critical signs. Remember that it takes time to get to know someone. Just because you like a person, it doesn’t mean you should give them all your trust.
Trusting someone too much can bite you because you won’t be ready for a potential betrayal. That said, it’s not like you shouldn’t trust people. You need to be patient and make sure you know someone before giving them all your trust. You need to learn that people need to earn your trust. Of course, you might assume someone might betray you because you’ll be prepared for the worst. And, you can give them more of your trust whenever they do something to prove their worth.
2. They Don’t Know How to Enforce Boundaries in a New Relationship
Boundaries are potentially the most important thing you can have in a relationship. No matter how well you think you get along with someone, things will always make you uncomfortable. Just as we have rules in society to ensure no one gets hurt, we can have some rules in relationships. Some people believe that boundaries force relationships, but that’s not true.
Learning to enforce boundaries can deepen your connection with your partner. It also creates a safe communication environment and lets others know your feelings. When people fall in love, things like boundaries are the last thing on their minds. When you feel blissful and things flow, you probably don’t feel the need to have a stern talk about rules. And that’s fine in the first few weeks of the relationship. But, if you never discuss boundaries, your relationship could be at risk.
Some people associate the need for boundaries with toxic relationships. But you don’t need to be harmful to make a mistake and unintentionally hurt someone. And that’s precisely what limitations aim to avoid. Imagine that your partner’s love language is physical touch, but you have an issue with being constantly touched. Maybe you don’t like it or have some trauma associated with being touched. If you don’t communicate and don’t specifically ask your partner not to do that, there’s no way for them to know they need to stop.
So, they might continue touching you, which can create problems in the future. This issue could build over time and blow up into a big fight. Or imagine your partner is a big spender, but you are more of a money saver. In that case, how much you spend and why will need to be discussed, especially if the relationship becomes serious. If you have hopes of building a life with that person, you need to talk about what each of you needs and how to respect that.
All you need to do to create healthy boundaries is talk about your needs and wants in a relationship. Talk about your values and share how you view life. Talk about what you can compromise on and what’s a definite deal-breaker. As long as you are being open and honest with each other, you should have no problem enforcing good boundaries. And, if you see that your partner isn’t available to this idea, that’s a sign you might be wasting your time.
3. They Ignore the Red Flags When They Fall in Love With an Unsuitable Person
When someone falls in love, they don’t just fall in love with a person. They fall in love with the idea of a person, with what that person could be. People do this because they hope to find love like the one described in the stories. But that makes it so we ignore many red flags that should be deal-breakers. In other words, love can make people blind, and that can be dangerous. We ignore the red flags because we risk ending up in toxic and abusive situations that can make our lives a living hell.
When you first meet someone, chances are they will only show you their best parts. On a first date, no one will tell you about their negative attributes. They won’t yell at you or insult you in any way. But that doesn’t mean that the signs aren’t there. Maybe they are being sweet towards you, but they are being mean to others. That’s something that people accept too often, sometimes even idealize.
This whole idea of “they’re being nice to me and no one else because they love me” can be our downfall. When you start falling for someone, that doesn’t mean you should excuse all their actions. You need to keep your eyes open and mentally note all the destructive behaviors they display. Even better, you need to hold them accountable. If you are scared of starting a fight, that should tell you the relationship is not what it should be. You should never be afraid of talking openly to your partner about things that bother you.
Your relationship is healthy if your partner is open to discussion and takes responsibility for their action. No one is perfect, and people can always learn and grow. But you always need to have these healthy conversations. Otherwise, you’ll end up suffering. What’s more important is talking to other people about your relationship. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to solve all your problems alone. Your friends and family can offer you a more objective perspective, and you should always value their advice.
Final Thoughts on Mistakes People Make When They Fall in Love
Falling in love can be the most beautiful experience someone can go through. But love and relationships are serious things that can entirely change your life. A robust and healthy relationship can fill your life with joy. But a toxic, unstable relationship can even destroy your life. So, no matter how much you want to fall in love, you should always be cautious about who you allow into your life.
When people fall in love, they feel so euphoric that they tend to throw caution out the window. Plus, relationships are complex, and there’s no guideline as to how to go about building one in the right way. Because of that, people tend to make many mistakes when starting a new relationship. But the good thing is that all these mistakes are avoidable if you are a little careful.
People often have trouble knowing how to manage their trust. Sometimes they trust too much, and sometimes, too little. Besides, they find it hard to communicate and enforce boundaries early in the relationship. These issues can be solved by simply communicating with your partner and letting them earn your trust. But potentially, the most significant mistake people make is ignoring red flags. Try to stay rational through all the emotions. And don’t get your hopes up too much. Let the other person prove they deserve you before diving head-first into anything.