Being in a relationship is hard work. Throughout the years, people inevitably drift apart. But if you’ve put time and focus into the relationship, you don’t want to give up on it. Instead, it would be best if you worked to be closer to your partner.
This sounds nice and easy, but things don’t always go smoothly in practice. You’re probably aware of this, as you’ve undoubtedly struggled with feeling closer. The good thing is that you don’t have to wing it. Psychology is well equipped to give you all the tips you need to improve your relationship.
All you need to do is put some effort in and give things a real shot. There are two people in a relationship, so don’t expect your partner to always take the initiative. You need to take the lead sometimes and work with your partner to improve what you have.
Why Do People Drift Apart?
Relationships have ups and downs, and it’s normal to go through boring stages. It’s also normal to feel like maybe things aren’t going the way they should. This happens mainly because, after a while, people get too comfortable. They stop putting in the effort needed for a strong connection. After a few years of being together, you stop going on dates or surprising your partner. Everything is just the same old routine. While routine can be comforting, it also sucks all passion out of a relationship.
But that’s not the only reason you and your partner become distant. People change a lot throughout their life, and it can affect relationships. For example, you can start having fewer things in common. The conversations can become dry and repetitive, which will annoy both of you. You could also have unresolved issues that disallow you to be closer. Maybe you have different expectations, or your needs aren’t met anymore. In that case, it’s no surprise you prefer being alone to being with your partner.
Having these issues doesn’t mean you don’t love each other anymore. Sure, for some people, it’s a sign they are falling out of love. But that feels different. When you fall out of love, you feel nostalgic and maybe even guilty. But you don’t exactly feel sad at the thought of not being close to your partner. When you still love that person, you’ll dread the thought of ever losing them. Even if you feel like your connection is not as intense, you’ll want to do anything you can to be closer. So, how can you focus on becoming closer to the one you love?
4 Ways to Feel Closer to Your Partner
Now that you see why people drift apart from their partners, how do you reverse the focus to moving forward and fixing it? Try these tips.
1 – Make Communication a Priority to Be Closer to Your Partner
As the years go by, couples communicate less. People think they don’t need to talk as much because they’ve been together for a long time. And it’s natural to speak less than in the honeymoon phase. Your partner doesn’t need to get updates on your life every five seconds. And you don’t have time to be constantly texting them. Still, people don’t just reduce their communication a bit.
They stop making time to talk at all. They wake up, go to work, get home tired and immediately sleep. They don’t even check up on their partner most time. But, of course, you’ll grow further apart if you stop checking in on each other.
If you feel this happened to you, focus on making communication a priority. The trick is to communicate deliberately. Don’t just wing things. Instead, schedule a time when the two of you sit down and talk about your day or week. Also, don’t be afraid to share any issues you might have with your partner. For example, if you feel there’s something wrong in your relationship, you need to talk about it.
Otherwise, you’ll never solve the issue. Talk about your wants and needs, especially if they go unmet. Your partner can’t read your mind. They don’t know what you need if you feel like they aren’t doing the work. Don’t be afraid to talk. You’ll find that the more you do it, the closer you’ll get.
2 – Make Each Other Feel Special to Feel Closer
Part of why people feel so close during the honeymoon phase is because they take their time to make each other feel special. They always want to buy them gifts or cook their favorite food. It’s not even about doing big, flashy things. The charm is doing something for the other just because you want to. There isn’t any particular reason or special occasion.
You do it just because you feel like it. Nothing can make someone feel more special than being surprised by someone they love. Then, after a long day, getting home and finding your favorite food on the table is the best thing ever.
Often, couples grow apart because they forget how important it is to make these small gestures for each other. As a result, they don’t bother to do nice stuff for the other on an ordinary day. Sure, you might buy them gifts on holidays. But that’s because society pressures people to buy gifts on those occasions. But, after years of being together, that doesn’t seem that special anymore.
To be closer to your partner:
- Make an effort to make them feel special. If you see something that reminds you of them, gift it to them.
- If you have enough time, make them their favorite meal.
- Get them that piece of clothing you know they’ve wanted for a long time.
- Even getting them a flower bouquet will make their whole week.
3 – Become Closer by Dating Your Partner
Contrary to popular opinion, dates aren’t just for couples who have just started dating. Likewise, going on dates isn’t just something you do to get to know each other before you decide if you want to commit. Sure, they also have that purpose. But they can be much more than that. Besides giving you a reason to get dressed up and go to a nice restaurant, they can bring you closer together.
But this only works if you make going on dates a regular occurrence. Try to go on one date a month, if possible. But even one every couple of months can do the trick. Make time to schedule some romantic, alone time in your calendar. This is the perfect opportunity to let go of daily stress and focus on each other. You can do whatever you’d like. Go to a movie, get dinner, or even play mini golf.
Doing fun stuff together will inevitably bring you closer. You’ll also remember why you are together in the first place. Instead of being together through just the boring and sad times, you can create fun memories together. Going out is better, but you can also have a date night at home. You’ll still have to get ready and prepare the date. So, you’ll be doing something together that you know is specifically for your relationship. This way, you’ll become closer and easily create happy memories together.
4 – Focus on the Things They Like
Having common hobbies is very important for any couple. But sometimes, people don’t have a passion in common. Or maybe one of them loses interest in the other’s desire. Either way, if you do not have things in common, you’ll grow apart as a couple. And that distance will only increase if you don’t show any interest in the other’s passions. Nothing hurts a person more than not being able to share what they love.
It’s even worse if your partner doesn’t show any interest in what you like. You’ve gone through this issue yourself. And you’ve probably done it to your partner. Especially after a few years of dating, people think it’s okay for each to have their thing. That’s all good, even healthy. But there’s a difference between not knowing what your partner likes.
If you want to be closer, focus on showing interest in what your partner likes. Even if you don’t like what they like, at least make an effort. For example, if they enjoy golfing, get them to teach you. Who knows, maybe you’ll even have some fun. And you can prove to them that you are willing to make some sacrifices to see them happy. What would be even better is finding a common passion.
Maybe that’s something you used to do together a while back, or perhaps it’s a new hobby. Either way, try to do as many things as you can together. Have fun and hang out as much as possible. Show the other that you care enough to know what they love. If you do that, you’ll become closer.
Final Thoughts on Ways to Feel Closer to Your Partner
All couples struggle from time to time. At some point in your relationship, you’ll drift apart. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of your relationship, so don’t despair. It just means you should make an effort to become closer again. And there are a few simple tricks you can use to do that.
One of the most important things you need to focus on is fixing your communication. You might be distant because you don’t communicate enough anymore. Make an effort to sit down at the end of the day, or at least the week, and talk. Tell each other about your day, or even discuss your issues. This is how you still stay connected and can solve problems as they appear. It would be best if you also made an effort to make each other feel special. For example, you can get each other gifts even on regular days.
Dating is also paramount, even for couples who have been together for years. It’s a special time, just for the two of you. You can get dressed, go out, and focus on an excellent time together. Finally, it would be best if you were interested in each other’s hobbies. If you show that you want to learn things about what the other loves, you prove just how much you care. You’ll become closer to your partner if you implement all these tips into your relationship.