It’s never nice to find out that the behaviors of someone close to you reveal that they don’t care. It’s even worse if you’ve wasted your time on that person when they weren’t interested in building a connection. This is why it’s better to look for the actions that tell you when someone doesn’t care.
Because if you don’t, you risk being blindsided. You might even get your hopes up and create fantasies of how perfect your relationship will be when that will never happen. And this can happen whether we’re discussing a platonic or romantic relationship. Even a friend can pretend to care or hang out with you even when they can’t even be bothered to give you the time of day.
Whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a romantic partner, you never want to believe that the people you care for don’t feel the same. It’s an idea that most people never even entertain. Even those who think about it are only overthinking and letting their anxiety control their thoughts. But unfortunately, some people genuinely don’t care.
And, even then, they might still hang out with you out of convenience. Some people even go as far as sticking around out of malice or because they are toxic or abusive. An abusive partner doesn’t truly care for you. But they’ll stay because they enjoy having someone to torment. And, even though this sounds horrible, it’s the truth.
Actions speak louder than words, and the people who don’t care will show it through their behavior. Even though they’ll never admit it, their actions will give them away.
5 Behaviors That Reveal Someone Doesn’t Care
1. Their Behaviors Suggest How They Don’t Truly Know You
People who genuinely care about you will be excited to learn everything there is to know about you. Even if they don’t know every little detail, they still know you and some of your core traits. For example, not everyone feels comfortable sharing their whole life with their parents.
Maybe they don’t want to chit-chat about their romantic endeavors at dinner with the family. But that doesn’t mean your parents don’t know you. They probably know you better than anyone else, even though they don’t know how many shots you can handle at a party. They know what your dreams are and what you value most in life. And they will always be excited to learn more.
The same is true for your friends and romantic interests. If they genuinely care, they will always want to learn things about you. They’ll know your favorite foods or how you take your coffee. And they will probably know how quickly you get tipsy when you go out. Someone who doesn’t care won’t know these things. They might not even know obvious things, such as your eyes’ color. Sure, they will pretend to know things.
But their knowledge will be superficial and limited. They might know a song you like, but that’s about it. So, just because someone knows a few insignificant details doesn’t mean you should swoon over them. Trust your instincts and keep an eye on specific actions or behaviors. If they don’t even bother to ask you a question about yourself, you shouldn’t bother with them.
2. Their Actions Appear That They Don’t Put in Any Effort
Sometimes, it’s active behaviors that are red flags. But passive behaviors are just as bad. In this case, when someone doesn’t try to do anything nice for you and doesn’t put in any effort, that’s a bad sign. Sure, they might go out to dinner when you plan everything. Or they might text you when you text them first. But you should ask yourself if they ever take the initiative and try to do something for you.
If you ever hang out only when you ask them to, that’s probably because they wouldn’t mind not seeing you again. Or maybe they do text you sometimes, but they are only content with doing the bare minimum. They don’t ever ask you to go somewhere nice, or they never plan anything other than a casual hang out. This is not enough, even from a family member or a friend. Any relationship requires special moments, so both parties must put in some effort.
When someone truly cares about you, they will actively show it. They’ll want to make an effort to make you happy. Even if they are busy, they’ll still try their hardest to meet you and at least have a coffee. Or, if you’re romantically involved with someone, they’ll surprise you and prepare a nice date night. No matter your relationship with someone, you’ll know if they care by watching their behaviors and seeing if they take the initiative.
3. They Don’t Communicate
Next time you want to test someone, don’t text them and see how long they take to text you. Some people you talk to are just there because you always communicate with them. This also is related to how much effort someone puts in, but it’s not the same. Not getting texts from your friends and family is an obvious red flag.
But some people in your life will refuse to communicate, even though they might keep in touch. Some people refuse to take about heavier stuff and are just content with cracking a joke or two when you meet. As you probably know, relationships are based on communication. So, when someone doesn’t stay in touch or open up, that will affect your relationship.
That said, if someone can’t open up, that doesn’t always mean they don’t trust you. Some behaviors can point towards that, but you must notify the nuances. If they flat-out refuse to communicate things like where they are or to give you answers to simple questions, that’s shady. If they don’t reach out or constantly shut down discussions, that’s not something you should accept. But if they are just scared to open up, then it’s understandable why they’d keep to themselves.
4. They Engage in Angry Behavior for No Reason
One of the worst behaviors people engage in is getting angry, especially when they don’t care to control it. Sure, some people are more predisposed to being angry. But if they are good people, they will work towards managing that anger. At least they’ll do it for the people they care for. But, if someone doesn’t care about you, that will show in their actions.
Especially when they start getting angry at you for no apparent reason, they will scream, shout, and indulge in harmful actions to make you feel bad. People who don’t care about you will tend to have a weirdly competitive and defensive attitude. So, they will blow things out of proportion when an issue arises instead of trying to solve the problem. And they will attack and demean you without giving it a second thought.
When someone truly cares about you, they’ll try to focus on solving the issue instead of lashing out. They won’t act condescendingly or try to devaluate you in any way. Most importantly, they’ll reign in their anger and try to listen to your side of the story instead of just screaming—for example, a parent who cares more about themself than you will constantly demean your looks.
This often happens with overly strict parents who lose their marbles when their kids dye their hair. Maybe you’ve been yelled at and chastised by a parent because you dared to dye your hair. If something like that happened, it’s a sign your parents don’t care. If someone cares about you, they won’t randomly pick fights. And they won’t get angry out of the blue.
5. They Don’t Accept You
Unfortunately, some people have no interest in accepting you. Instead, they’ll want to change you so that you fit whatever image they have constructed of you in their head. Or maybe they want to force you to tick the boxes on their imaginary requirements list. The previous example can illustrate these behaviors about having dyed hair. Only know it’s not about them getting angry and yelling at you.
It’s about them gaslighting you and making you feel terrible about who you are. If you have a friend who doesn’t accept you, they’ll act in ways that make you feel inadequate. For example, if you show up one day with blue hair, they’ll probably make fun of you and gaslight you into dyeing it back to what they deem an acceptable color. But this is not just about something as shallow as hair color. It’s also about friends or family not accepting who you are, your dreams, or who you love.
Someone who cares will put their ideas and emotions aside if they see you happy. Say you have a good friend and share with them that you want to start a business, and it’s more of an unconventional idea. If that friend genuinely cares, they will encourage and accept you even if you have crazy dreams. And their actions will never make you feel like you must act a specific way to warrant their love.
Final Thoughts on Some Behaviors That Reveal Someone Doesn’t Care
Many behaviors tip off what someone’s true intentions are. And it’s usually enough to allow your intuition to guide you through understanding who your true friends are. But, although it’s primarily intuitive when someone doesn’t care at all, it’s not always so clear.
Sometimes, a friend, family member, or partner might fake caring. And this isn’t always obvious, which is why some people end up being hurt by the lack of emotion and care others put into relationships.
Someone who doesn’t care about you doesn’t take the time to get to know you, not in a real sense. They don’t put any effort into their actions and sometimes don’t even communicate. The worst part is that sometimes they don’t even accept you or always seem angry with you. If you spot any of these behaviors, you might want to consider ending that relationship.