“Feeling sorry for ourselves is the most useless waste of energy on the planet. It does absolutely no good. We can’t let our circumstances or what others do or don’t do control us. We can decide to be happy regardless.” – Joyce Meyer

Bad things happen. That’s just a fact of life. When something bad happens in our lives, it can be so easy to fall into a negative spiral of feeling sorry for ourselves. Accepting defeat and giving up feels easy, because it takes less work than pulling ourselves out of a pit of despair. However, psychotherapist Amy Morin states that, “feeling sorry for yourself can be downright self-destructive. It makes overcoming adversity difficult—if not impossible—and it keeps you stuck.”

We are all guilty of letting ourselves wallow in negative feelings for longer than we should, oftentimes letting them pass on their own without working to make ourselves feel better. However, life doesn’t stop moving no matter how much we feel sorry for ourselves, and our pity parties sometimes have to be put on hold. Here are the best ways to stop feeling sorry for yourself and learn to move on with life.

Here Are 8 Ways To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself And Gain Control Of Your Life

1. Set aside some time to volunteer

Even when things are going wrong, it’s always good to be reminded that things could be much worse. Not only that, but volunteering for someone in need means that you’re putting positive energy out into the world. When you give positive energy, you get positive energy. It’s a great way to remind yourself that there are people who have it worse off than you, and it’ll snap you right out of feeling sorry for yourself.

2. Count your blessings

When life feels like it’s weighing you down more than normal, it can be a good thing to stop and remember all the things that are good in your life. Reminding yourself of all the things that you’re grateful for is a good way to put your life into some perspective.

Founder, facilitator and personal insight coach of The Insight Technique™ Kimberley Cohen states, “… if you don’t see the blessings then you focus on the problem rather than the solutions. Instead of being hopeful, you become hopeless. You can become stuck, frustrated, stressed, discouraged, defeated and depleted.”

Maybe you have a good job, or a fantastic family or partner. Count your blessings and see that even when things go wrong, you’ve got it pretty good.


3. Unplug from social media

If you’re having issues comparing yourself to the people around you, it can be a good idea to unplug from social media for a while. The thing about social media, is that people only post things that they want you to see. So, of course you’re going to be seeing all of the good and positive things. Instead, just unplug from social media and take some time to yourself.

4. Spend your time with someone special

Whether this person is your partner, your best friend, or just your family, it’s important to spend time with people who love and care about you. When we feel sorry for ourselves, it’s easy to feel like nobody cares that we’re going through a hard time. Spending your day with someone important to you can remind you that this isn’t true.

5. Random acts of kindness

Do something nice for someone, and you’ll get a positive energy boost that can snap you right out of your pity party. Not only will you make someone else’s day, but you’ll be riding the high from their happiness right until bedtime.

Kindness expert Jennifer Willis-Rivera reveals, “[After practicing more acts of kindness on a regular basis], I found that the mornings that I woke up angry, I found myself a little less angry,” she said. “When I had to interact with people I didn’t like, I found myself really learning to value them as human beings.”

Whether you buy a small gift for someone you love, or simply pay for the person behind you at the coffee shop, being kind can set off a chain reaction of good deeds.

6. Set new goals for yourself

Instead of wallowing in negative feelings, try setting some goals that will help you pull yourself out of feeling poorly. It’s hard to be upset when you’ve got something else to focus on. If you’ve lost your job, make a goal to send out a certain number of resumes within the week. Setting goals will help keep you focused and help take your mind off feeling bad for yourself.

7. Change one thing every day

It doesn’t have to be something big. Just a small thing about yourself that you want to change to make you a better person. If you feel sorry for yourself because of your situation, it’s good to start making small changes to improve it. Before you know it, you’ll be waking up as someone in an entirely different situation than the one you started in – and you’ll be surprised how great you feel about it.

8. Join a support group

If all else fails, then joining a support group is a great way to both find yourself a support system while also finding people who understand what you’re going through. Friends and family can often be lacking in understanding our specific experiences. A support group, however, is often for people in the same boat who need the extra support. You’ll be able to talk to people and get ideas on how to move on or feel better.

People often feel sorry for themselves – after all, it’s human nature, but philosopher Dr. Megan Reik explains, “There are few human emotions as warm, comforting and enveloping as self-pity. And nothing is more corrosive and destructive. There is only one answer; turn away from it and move on.”

You shouldn’t feel badly if you give in to having a pity party every once in a while. However, it’s also important to know when it’s time to move on. If you have trouble figuring out how to pick yourself back up off the floor, don’t worry. The rest of us have that same problem. Hopefully, these ideas will help you figure out how to feel better and more positive with time.