“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” – Donald Miller
Relationships come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Larry Shushansky, a speaker, author, and family therapist says, “Realize that all relationships involve a process and it’s more important to evolve your relationship forward instead of worrying about creating a ‘perfect’ relationship.”
Whether a relationship is romantic, platonic, or familial, there are some things that should never be tolerated in a relationship. A lot of people don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, which means that they can be prone to falling into unhealthy relationships of all kinds.
Some people may mistake the feelings that come with being in an unhealthy relationship with depression, and try to treat the wrong things to feel better. Understanding what should never be accepted in a relationship, of any kind, will make it easier to escape a harmful and destructive relationship and start rebuilding your life.
Eight Things You Should Never Accept In A Relationship
1. A controlling partner
Relationships are built on trust. When there’s a lack of trust, the relationship is going to start to fall apart. Partners who are extremely controlling and demand that they know where their significant other is at all times should never be tolerated.
According to an article on psychologytoday.com, author Andrea Bonior, Ph.D. states, “Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners— whether they or their partners realize what’s happening or not. Whether controlling behavior leads to more severe emotional or physical abuse or not, it is not a healthy situation.”
Therefore, controlling behavior is a red flag. While it may not seem too bad at first, it can escalate quickly. Everyone deserves to have a level of trust, freedom and control over their autonomy in a relationship.
2. Breaching trust
If your partner is going around telling everyone the things you’ve told them in private, or sneaking in your private things like your phone or your computer, then that isn’t okay by any means. Partners should have mutual trust with one another and respect for each other’s belongings and private matters. Someone should be able to trust their partner not to betray them, not worry if they’ve already done so.
The desire to feel loved and wanted is perfectly normal in most relationships. However, when that desire turns into a controlling neediness, it can make one partner feel overwhelmed. Neediness can “destroy romantic relationships, compromise professional opportunities, and contribute to a cycle of frustration, depression, and dissatisfaction,” says relationship development expert AJ Harbinger.
A relationship should be built with two independent partners. If one partner is starting to act more like a child than a lover, the relationship is bound to go sour, fast. Everyone deserves to feel as if they’re an equal, not a caretaker.
Not everyone can be positive at all times. There are times where people feel low in their lives. But a relationship that is devoid of positivity is a relationship that no one should have to deal with. A consistently negative partner will eventually start to seep into the way that they treat their significant other, which will be bound to be just as negative as the rest of their outlook. Settling for a partner with a negative outlook will only bring you down.
5. Emotionally unavailable
If your partner is emotionally unavailable, then the relationship is just not going to work. People get into relationships because they want to share their lives with another person. Someone who is emotionally unavailable and getting into a relationship may not have your best interests in mind – in fact, they may not be interested in your emotions at all, but rather financial gain or sexual gratifications. Being with someone emotionally available is a key part of any relationship, and a lack of emotional reciprocation should never be tolerated.
6. Bad listener
Communication is the backbone of any relationship. Without it, most relationships face a plethora of problems. Psychiatrist Jared Heathman M.D. says, “Maintaining open lines of communication is so important, and a strong relationship allows each individual to express themselves with a partner who listens and promotes further communication.”
Couples who don’t communicate may find that their relationship can go sour fast. One thing that no one should ever have to tolerate in a relationship is a partner who doesn’t listen to them. Someone who doesn’t listen doesn’t value your thoughts, opinions or feelings, and no one should have to deal with that in a relationship.
A red flag in any relationship is a partner who gets jealous of their significant other’s success, or a partner who tries to keep their significant other from achieving their goals. A healthy relationship includes partners who are supportive of one another, not partners who try to sabotage one another. Never accept a relationship where your partner doesn’t support your dreams and goals in life.
A partner who shirks their share of the chores, spends recklessly and doesn’t take responsibility for their actions is not a partner that anyone should have to deal with in a relationship.
According to clinical psychologist Russell Grieger, Ph.D., ““being” responsible may very well serve to make relationships work despite other debilitating factors, while “being” irresponsible may seriously undercut an otherwise viable relationship. The purpose of this article, then, is to explore the nature.”
If one person in the relationship isn’t ready to face adulthood and all the responsibilities that come with it, then neither are they ready to commit to a relationship.
Learning all of the ways that relationships can go wrong can help people be on the lookout for red flags and unhealthy relationship dynamics. Many people don’t know that there are things that should never be accepted or tolerated in a relationship, because they were never told any better. The more that people become aware of the healthy, happy things they deserve in a relationship, the better off they’ll be – seeking more fulfilling relationships, and being a positive force on the people around them.